Sexual Relationships
10 mo

Is sex for women’s pleasure too?

Growing up in a woman only household and being taught that men are evil, vile creatures had really done a number on my psyche. I’ve been with my partner for 8 years and there were always times I felt terrified even though he never did anything. And my brain is always coming to new conclusions and realizations - do men feel really good knowing when they make a women feel good? Is part of a good sexual experience for a man also making sure the women feels good? I always assumed sex was just for the men to relieve themselves. Do guys like hearing a women moan or even scream and it’s not just an annoying thing? I was only ever taught about how rape works and not anything else so it’s hard

1 1

Superb Opinion

  • Of course it is. But you need to be realistic about the fact that nearly all women today are pursuing the top 10% of men - exclusively - and many only pursue the top 5% or even 1%. Ironically, this means those same men have unlimited choices for women, which in turn means that they see 99.999% of women as nothing but human sex toys put on Earth for his pleasure and certainly not to be taken seriously.

    To a guy like that, he's got 100 other girls in his phone that are on your level or higher, and he can replace you in an hour, so why should he care what you want or how you feel? The second you become a hassle to him or demand more, he will dump you and make a phone call and the next girl will be on the way over to replace you. It's not right, but that's how it is.

    If you pursue those guys - and most women ONLY pursue those guys - then you should not expect them to care about your pleasure or enjoyment. Some may care, but most won't because that's extra work, and they know they don't have to do it.

    If you do the unthinkable and date a guy who is "only" an 8, or even a 7 (the horror!), then you stand a far better chance at having a guy who actually cares about you, and makes an effort to please you in the bedroom. But he probably isn't going to be a multi millionaire who looks like an Abercrombie model and pulls in big likes on Instagram for you.

    You will NEVER find a guy who is everything in one package. Those unicorns are so rare that supermodels struggle to find them. So you have to make a choice.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Of course. It may help to think of it this way: humans are animals, and we evolved the same way as any other, with instinctive drives and neurochemical responses to guide our behavior. Sex, for humans, isn't just about reproduction; it also releases bonding hormones that strengthen our connection to one another. (This, incidentally, is part of why the current sociosexual zeitgeist puts so much focus on the idea of ghosting someone after having sex with them- not because they were bad at it, but because they were GOOD at it, and you don't want to get attached, since your brain will do that without bothering to ask your permission.) Above and beyond that, though, is that someone who makes you feel good when you have sex with them is someone you're more likely to agree to have sex with again, for obvious reasons. Since sexual skills are learned, rather than innate, that doesn't mean a guy will necessarily be good at pleasing you sexually, at least at first, but not that he won't WANT to. This is part of the value of monogamy; to learn your partner's (and your own) desires and sensitivities, inside and out, so you know just how to push their buttons to send them over the moon. This is true of both men and women, by the way.

    It may also help to think of it in non-sexual terms; doing something nice for someone you care about for no other reason than to make them feel better is a very positive experience- it feels good to make them feel good. If a loved one was sick, you'd probably help them out as best you could, no? Same thing here. While it's certainly true that there are evil men out there- probably about the same proportion as there are evil women, but as in almost everything else, our bell curve is wider. There are a lot more men than women who'd murder their spouses and mount their heads above the fireplace, but there are also far fewer female Dashrath Manjhis out there, who'd take down a mountain in the name of love.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I hate to tell you this, but your upbringing, though I'm sure it was about PROTECTING you, was skewed. Men who you determine to be good partners are almost always interested in YOUR sexual pleasure.

    Why would a woman hang around with a man who was sexually selfish? That would get old fast. No one in a relationship wants to build another relationship with a vibrator.

    It sounds like you are struggling with what you were taught in your home of origin. Go see a counselor who specializes in sexual issues to discuss this with, and to work through eliminating these thoughts that could ruin your good relationship.

    There are men who are rapists, who leap from one vagina to another, who get a woman interested in them, have a child or two and disappear, don't pay child support to their own children, even when they have the resources. These aren't EVIL men. They were likely raised by men who did the same. Or have had NO male examples of decent men.

    Forgive your parents, aunts and grandmothers of their sour outlook on males. They were colored by negative experiences and had no other points of reference. But most men have had good examples of fathering, parenting, husbandry. Just as most women have had the same of mothering, parenting, wifery. Get the help you need, and good luck.

    • Thankyou. Being with my boyfriend for so long, and he’s a good person, I’ve realized all these things. I understand it, but for some reason my brain … has trouble processing it, if that makes sense. I understand how things are suppose to be in a healthy relationship, but I feel like my brain is missing components and it gets a Missing Files Error when I try to comprehend something and my mind keeps getting blown away when my boyfriend gives me great, caring sex and I love it but sometimes my brain is left feeling confused about what things mean. It’s confusing mentally 😅 but I’ve come a long way still because when we first met I was a real mess, couldn’t even mention sexual activity without me getting a full blown panic attack

    • It sounds like you might need to see a psychiatrist, that there is some serious trauma you're stumbling across because of your upbringing. Some temporary medication may help prevent severe anxiety or panic attacks until you get a firm hold on your bearings/feelings and work all this out. Get recommendations from your general practitioner.

  • Absolutely! I’m so sorry that that was put into your head. My mom made sex out to be this gross, disgusting thing, too. Since being an adult, however, I have discovered that it’s the opposite. With the right person, it’s an absolutely beautiful thing. Honestly, I would ignore the people who say it’s for a man’s pleasure only. That’s utter nonsense.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 24

  • Okay first of all every man is different and when it comes to making love having sex every man is different you have the guy that is insecure about his size you have the guy that is big but doesn't know how to use it you have guys that are only thinking about themselves and they last 2 minutes but then you also have guys that want to make love to you they want you to like it love it enjoy it so you always want to have it and they will make it all about you and this happens and if this person can become one with you and give you orgasm after orgasm you will get pleased you will be very pleased there will be times where you will have an out-of-body experiences so beautiful especially when two people become one

  • Speaking for myself, the entire point of having sex is making my partner feel pleasure, and enjoyment. My pleasure is secondary; I am focused exclusively on her.

    I enjoy when she moans and screams; that's the whole point. I actually get pleasure out of seeing her experience pleasure. There is nothing more sexy, and erotic, than seeing my partner experience pleasure, and I will do whatever I can to provide that for her.

    My goal isn't to have an orgasm; it's to give her an orgasm, preferably more than one, if possible. Listening to the sounds she makes, wayching her face, and seeing her writhe around on the bed will all get me closer to my own, because those are the reactions I live for.

    I want her to be completely satisfied by the time we're finished, and I will do everything I can to make sure that she is.

  • I believe the right man will make sure that the sex is pleasurable for you too and not just his pleasure. I think men love making a woman feel good, just like how women try their best to make their man feel good too.

  • "Yes", is the answer to your question.

  • Definitely... they deserve great orgasms also!

  • Yes.

  • Call me crazy, but sex should be 80-90% for the woman's pleasure, in my opinion.

  • Many men truly enjoy giving women pleasure, and many women very much enjoy sex.

    But there are also selfish men out there.

    The sort of upbringing you had is terrible because by telling you all men are bad, it makes you think you can't find a good man. There ARE good men, as well as bad ones. Your partner should make you happy in general as well as give you physical pleasure. If they don't, then end the relationship and find someone who does.

    So many women have been made miserable by "overprotecting' parents. They were taught to believe all men are abusive, so when they end up in an abusive relationship they assume its normal.

  • It should be, but often not.

  • You must have been raised by a white, college educated woman.

  • Nothing excites me more then hearing my partner gasp and moannin pleasure as I'm stimulating her. I lovebto know I've caused her much pleasure before I even begin to yhink of my own pleasure. If you need someone to openly sndbhonedgly talk to you about it feel free to fm me.

  • I would hope so, otherwise what would be the point?

  • I certainly hope so!

  • Most, nearly all, men want a willing and enthusiastic partner. Her getting into it makes it hotter. Unenthused starfish sex is lame and disappointing, and the idea of trying to physically force someone who doesn't want to have sex with me is completely unappealing.

  • Of course, why wouldn't it be?

    • Yea, it seems obvious, I don’t know why people told me otherwise my whole life

    • People who say that must be clueless.

  • Yes, woman deserve to have good sex.

  • For most men we do feel good if you feel good and have sexual pleasure too. We like hearing you moan or scream from pleasure (if your a screamer). You just need to gain faith in men somehow cause all men are not evil. Most men are actually good guys than you think. I know it might be hard growing thinking that but if you find a good man it will change your mind.

  • Nothing more pleasurable than pleasuring a woman and watching her

  • Absolutely sex is for her pleasure too

  • I can be if you want it that way

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