Is there an upside to having two lesbians adopting a kid?

[DubiousIntentions]

Good or bad, what do you think. Should same-sex couples be allowed to adopt only children of the same sex as them, or the opposite sex of them too?

[NamerOfStars]

Here's the thing: the single biggest predictor of future criminality in a child isn't poverty or ethnicity or even being the child of criminals, it's growing up without a father present. Not only is this true across cultures, not only is it true for primates, not only is it true for mammals, but it even affects crocodiles.

Logically, there's probably also quite a bit of damage from growing up without a mother, but that's much rarer, and so there's less data.

What does this mean for the children of same-sex couples? I don't know- no one does. But I will bet you anything that whatever harm it might do can be ameliorated by having a strong extended family presence in the kids' lives. I grew up with one of those old-style Catholic families where nobody lived too far away from one another and you saw and played with your cousins at family parties every few months- that such things almost no longer exist in this country is nothing short of tragic; most kids I run into these days don't even know if they HAVE cousins. Having a strong, stable family life is a blessing almost beyond compare (and in case this needs to be said, it doesn't have to be Catholic, or even religious); it helped me in so many ways that I'm sure even I don't know all of them. That's a tradition I think we need to bring back.

[DubiousIntentions]

So you are saying 2 fathers is better than 2 mothers? Why is it than when any soldier was dying they would be calling for their mother, not their father?

[NamerOfStars]

No, look again. I'm saying that the things a father provides and the things a mother provides are different, and a child needs both. Mothers provide support rather than strength, and naturally, that's what a person would call out for in desperation- help, rather than the means to be able to help yourself.

[msc545]

As an adopted person, I can tell you that adoption is not all butterflies and flowers:

"Adoption trauma can be described as the immense emotional distress related to the adverse childhood experiences associated with being separated from children's birth families through adoption."

That said, it is still less arguably harmful than foster care or just being an orphan.

[DubiousIntentions]

But children born and given up for adoption never knew their birth parents. As far as they know their adoptive parents are their real parents. They will know 2 gays can't be their real parents. The thing is that the normal family is being destroyed. No wonder so many kids are messed up.

[msc545]

Actually, most adopted children know early on that they were adopted. A few adoptive parents will simply lie to the children and tell them that they are the biological parents, but almost always. This lie is revealed later with very disastrous results. I suggest if you want to make generalizations about the community of adopted people such as myself that you become familiar with the realities of adoption instead of your preconceived notions and fantasies regarding it. As it stands now, you obviously know nothing about adoption. I know everything about it because I'm an adopted person and I'm also a psychologist.

[DubiousIntentions]

How can a baby given up at birth ever know it was adopted unless someone spills the beans. Most girls who give up their kids never want to see them again because they don't want that association. Granted, some will find out and older kids will know for sure.

[msc545]

If you do not tell children they are adopted when they do find out, and they will, the damage is horrendous.

[DubiousIntentions]

But why? Someone didn't want them, and someone else did. If it were me, I would be grateful to my adoptive parents as they would be the only parents I knew. I may be wondering why my mother gave me up, but I wouldn't actively pursue it. I always thought that it would be a slap in the face to my adoptive parents to go off trying to find and have a relationship with my birth mother. They are the ones who wiped my nose and comforted me when I skinned my knee. They fed me, clothed me, and walked me to school. But the reality is, I would have no idea because it didn't happen to me.

[msc545]

your last sentence is correct. The rest not so much at all. You cannot know what it is like since you were not adopted. I was. It is not like you think it would be at all.

[DubiousIntentions]

Were you adopted as a baby or an older child?

[msc545]

as a baby.

[DubiousIntentions]

And how did you find out that you were adopted?

[msc545]

My parents told me.

[Alli39]

I mean I would argue that a child being adopting into a loving household is enough of an upside. Who cares who the parents are as long as the kid is being provided for in a good environment? Where's the downside to that? And frankly if a single mom is allowed to raise a son, then why should two moms be allowed to raise a son? Being a lesbian doesn't mean you don't acknowledge the existence of men, just that you're not personally interested in the anatomy lol

[Apple1996]

Well 2 moms is better then a single mom and a deadbeat dad so probably will be raised in a healthier environment then a lot of other kids now a days.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Of course same sex couples should be allowed to adopt and it doesn't matter what the sex of the parents or child is. All that should matter is if they can provide love and a safe environment for that child to grow up in.

[SnowedIn]

This. Just this.

[baseball_del_tuono]

No if we’re adopting a child should go to a loving home with a mother and father

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I dont disagree that a home with a mother and father is also fine, but so is one with two fathers or two mothers. All can be loving homes for children to grow up in.

[236color]

Yes there is an upside. A child that didn't have parents, does now.

[Astarlessnightsky]

No, but there is no downside either.

Just adopt the children and give them a good home

[slatyb]

There's a huge upside for the child.

[AaronKrieger]

Probably, but it still leaves a huge problem of there being no father figure.

[Sevenpointfive]

have you heard that some new tech companies are creating sperm and eggs in labs so people don't need the other sex anymore?

[MementoMori777]

nope cause no matter the gender of the child, it needs a father figure.

[Greta_854]

Can we have a talk?

[Fireguy17]

Yes, because now the child is part of a family as apposed to still be waiting to be adopted.

[DubiousIntentions]

I guess you can look at it that way.

[sheikalana]

The child will be missing a father figure.

[exitseven]

I am not sure if there is an upside but I don;t think that there is a downside.

[Phoenix98]

Nope and I don't mean that in a mean or negative way it's just factually true there is no notable advantage or upside to lesbians adopting a kid as opposed to a normal couple.

[Andres77]

Vile.

[BlackJeep]

I've got mostly conservative views but I'm not opposed to lesbians adopting. Many same sex couples are great parents. You can't convince me that same sex couples adopting a kid is worse than kid a kid growing up without any parents

[DaBiggestBird]

Sounds blasphemous and abominable starting with the gay part

[Cubus]

No. On average two women or two men is always worse than a husband and a wife.

[Alex-Snow]

As long as they are good parents and love the kid is what counts.

[LiamJHayden]

I've known enough kids who grew up in the system to not automatically be against any caring person or persons adopting.

[safricanluke]

I happen to have known a lesbian couple that I went to church with who had adopted two kids, they were the best parents in that entire congregation. So, I don't think the fact that the parents are a same sex couple matters at all, all that matters are the type of people they are and how much they care about their children

[kellytheman]

He might actually understand woman better and me more emotional or comfortable with his feelings. I don’t think it would matter what gender the kid would be it be more how they raise the kid.