Is there any dominant man in here?

One thing that always crosses my mind is that why do some men like to dominate, why do they always want their submissives to obey, is that some kind of a fetish or just a need?
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Superb Opinion

  • Raised in MOST cultures, females are promulgated with 'good girl' idealistic Pollyanna BULLSHIT during their most impressionable years.

    I'm a guy and was inculcated by my mother to BE a 'gentleman'.
    Too late I learned that teenage girls EXPECT and SEEK OUT 'groping' handsy older boys in those girl's rebellious adventurous phase. I lost the attentions and potential carnal affections of at least two smoking hot girlfriends... but THEIR PARENTS loved me (which hastened those girls exodus even more!)

    There is SOME 'truth' to female rape fantasies however, just like an amusement park roller coaster,
    'mid-ride' you can't just stand-up mid-drop and say "I don't like this " and step out of the speeding coach. Those are NOT VR fingers teasing your intimates!

    For the girl to undeniably KNOW beyond her self-doubts and insecurities... that physically in the prime of her youthful allure, males of many ages DESIRE passionately to experience her physical body CARNALLY. SOME even to risk criminal charges... fantasied romance novels can get you 'wet'.

    The only REAL difference between earnest foreplay seduction and 'sexual assault' is the element of concupscient COMPLICITY!

    There's that damned societal '#Me Too' ambiguity of WHEN 'No. means No and the early 20th century ballad: "Your two lips tell me 'No, NO!' but there's 'yes' 'yes' in your eyes".

    In 'bondage/dominance Master/Sub' sex play its kinda like cosplay WITH orgasms.
    There's an intimate element of BOTH fear and respect. MOST use 'safe' words...
    SOME men and women seek to experience what its like to strip away the years of the veneer of 'public propriety' and UNLEASH their TRUE appetites. Decades later, I myself learned under the tutelage of a genuine Toronto Dominatrix.
    To be a GOOD Dom you must first experience being a GOOD Sub.
    "Cruel, to be kind... in the right measure" like that ballad says.

    I'd like to share a pragmatic quote from the infamous Marquis D' Sade:

    “When she has abandoned her moral center and teachings…
    when she has cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like
    demeanor… when I have SO CORRUPTED this fragile thing
    and brought forth a writhing, mewling, bucking wanton whore
    for my enjoyment and pleasure…
    enticing from this feral Lioness…
    growling and scratching and biting…
    taking everything I dish out TO her…
    at that moment she is NEVER MORE BEAUTIFUL to Me.”

    Real world examples of this can be seen in the somewhat staged Japanese 'Chikan' porn video clips.
    The MORE repressive and staid a culture promotes... the greater the potential to shamelessly 'act out' when offered the "I had NO choice to refuse. No one would help me. My body shudderingly surrendered, again and again" as her fellow commuters pruriently voyeuristically drank in her 'sweet pain' and gave in to her truest shameless squirting Self.

    ALL sensuality begins FIRST in One's mind.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I've always been a take-charge guy. Even as a kid, I did public speaking, I organized events, and I talked my way into positions of (minor) authority. At a high school party, I had a girl tease-tickling me, and I told her to stop a couple of times, and I finally told her that if she didn't stop, I was going to pull her over my knee and spank her. I'd never done that before, and even I was shocked when those words came out of my mouth - but everyone at the party heard it (and went "oooooooooo"), so when she did it again, I had everyone looking at me, so I pulled her over my lap and I spanked her well. The next party, another girl did something, I told her to stop, and she said, "oh, you going to spank me too?" I spanked several girls at that party, and it became a regular thing. At the time, I didn't consider myself a dominant or identify with BDSM - it took a few years before I was able to fully embrace that side of myself, but it's always been there.

    The more I embraced the fact that I was naturally a dominant, the more I naturally attracted women who were submissive. And those women had needs and desires, and unsurprisingly, they mostly tended to align pretty well with my own. I'm not a huge sadist, but I enjoy giving a bit of punishment or doing a scene with a girl. Mostly, though, I'm about mental dominance - getting into her head. And outside of the bedroom, I take the lead in the relationship, which is exactly what she wants.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think I just dislike conflict. If I see many people arguing or fighting about something and no one is stepping up and resolving the conflict, I feel like I need to take responsibility and break up the argument. I'll try to listen to both sides and say, "All right, I've listened to both sides, and let's do this," while trying to get all the relevant parties to compromise and agree.

    In exchange, because I made the judgment and executive decision, it is my responsibility. So if the shit hits the fan, I will try to stand in front of the fan and protect the people from the flying shit, so to speak.

    I just feel compelled to do that. I'm a reluctant leader though, not an eager one. It's like if a building catches on fire, I'm first looking for an expert to lead us to safety. Yet if no one is doing that and everyone is panicking, I feel like I have to take over the responsibility.

    • I test extremely dom at least on sexuality tests, but for me, dominance is not about bossing people around. It's about protecting them. It's about taking responsibility. == Results from bdsmtest. org == 97% Dominant 73% Vanilla 67% Daddy/Mommy 54% Voyeur 45% Owner 42% Experimentalist 37% Exhibitionist 35% Brat tamer 34% Master/Mistress 31% Primal (Hunter) 16% Ageplayer 1% Rigger 1% Brat 1% Non-monogamist 0% Rope bunny 0% Slave 0% Degradee 0% Boy/Girl 0% Primal (Prey) 0% Submissive 0% Masochist 0% Degrader 0% Pet 0% Sadist 0% Switch

    • Another person on here described it very well to me when I was questioning why I test so dominant but don't like bossing people around if I can help it. He said I am more into dominating situations, not people.

    • I'm actually motivated a lot by empathy in my dominance, which might seem like a strange idea to many people. But if we're talking about sexual or romantic relationships, like with my wife, I prefer women who are sufficiently submissive but very assertive. They're submissive enough to let me take responsibility and protect them when we have a conflict of interests, but assertive enough to let me know what they want so that I can try my best to look out for their interests. And it's very important to me in such contexts that my wife trusts me with such decisions as being in the best interests of both of us. I do not like to take over a leadership role by force -- ideally my followers choose me voluntarily.

  • This question sort of covers two areas.

    the first one being a guys need and natural way of taking control in the bedroom, historically the girl did as told. We know these days that’s wrong as not all guys want to be in control and that some women like being in control.
    for vanilla couples it’s more of a natural order with the husband deciding positions unless they openly discuss sex, then it’s a 50/50 decision.

    The other part hits on BDSM, where you will have Dom’s (Male) Domme’s / Domina (female), subs (either sex) and switches (either sex and can be sub or Dom).

    In real life BDSM, not the movie or porn stuff, it’s the sub that often controls things, the Dom (Domina) is often there to help her fulfil her (or his) fantasies and kinks.

    in fact people should not really enter in to a relationship with a Dom or Domina where it’s them wanting to fulfil their fantasy, this is particularly true on the Sadism side.

    So don’t give Dom’s or Domina a hard time, we are there to support the sub and it’s a mutual joining, not just physical but deeply emotional.

  • Maybe men get tired of meeting the expectations of women all the time. Maybe we want to be the lazy partner in sex once in a while.

    • I just realized I miss red your question lol. I think being dominant is a turn on for guys because we like to feel in control and we like proving to our partners that we are strong and capable of being that provider/protector role. We're kinda similar to dogs the more I think of it.

  • Do you know what crosses my mind? Why do people in here constantly ask stupid questions about trivial and given facts of life as if they have never once come into contact with the obvious before.

  • Yes of course, the alpha male - leader of men, the dominate man.
    Strong men, the alpha males, automatically dominate. It's just the way they're wired.
    So you have to ask them, 'Are you a dragon slayer? Or a sheepherder?"

    Ever see lions fuck? Having an alpha male partner is like keeping a lion or a tiger as a pet. LOL

  • I see a difference in dominating in the sense you control someone, than dominating because the other person offers to you.

    The first I don't like, the second I love.

  • Fetish I suppose

  • Most guys are into fetish. But dom guy is known as rapist.

  • Im a dom
    U have to obey me and do anything i want :)

  • nope I am sub

  • I like to be dominate during sex because it is a kink and I do get some pleasure out of it if she is into it.

  • Its easily define by sex process, giver and receiver, giver always in dominating side.

  • In ever thought of myself as dominant until I started dating a submissive, and she called me daddy.

  • Bruh I don't know but maybe.

  • It is the law of the land. The woman is suppose to be the submissive partner in the relationship.

  • I am not a dominant; but if my lady is into bondage I can be her dom.