Is this a funny short story?

[Anonymous]

A man and a woman, who he met at a bar, go to the doctor. The woman claims that her baby is his. The man is sure that he didn't have sex with the woman. The DNA test shows that he isn't the father. In fact, he's infertile. The man is very happy. Then, he goes home to his pregnant wife and his children.

[PrudentGuy]

Reading your replies, this is my opinion:

1) I would called it dry humor. And it definitely need someone intelligent or sharp to laugh.

2) I think you got the wrong audience here. Based on their replies, they didn't get the joke.

3) I admire your efforts to try help them understand. But LOL! A few still don't get it. LOL!

4) with another audience perhaps, you may bring down the house.

A similar joke to show that I get your joke:

Singapore is a very safe city. You can walk alone in a dark street at night and won't get rape. I really hate that.

[Asker]

Yep, I was trying to explain to people what the punchline is. His wife's been cheating on him this whole time, and he doesn't know it.

[PrudentGuy]

Ya got it. But I'm surprise quite number of readers here don't get it. 😄😄😄

[TienShenhan]

What's funny about a husband and wife cheating on eachother? Unless of course the doctor was just doing this guy a solid and lied about the test results. This can be edited into a decent joke though, keep at it

[Asker]

. The funny thing is, he didn't know he was infertile until the doctor told him. He goes home to his pregnant wife and doesn't realize that it isn't his child.

[TienShenhan]

That is funny. The problem is I'd have to assume that, but based off what we're given many assumptions could be made. I do love a complete idiot though, Fry, Homer, Peter, Sponge Bob, Dale, Ricky, the list goes on

[Mollynotgemma]

It’s not funny at all! BUT... probably without realising it, your story is profound... why did the man agree to a DNA test if he’s infertile? How could he go home to a pregnant woman? Perhaps this story is about his want to be able to be a father and the fact is his wife cheated on him and fell pregnant and lied that it was his and he’s such a good guy he couldn’t tell her he was infertile! No story is quite as it seems!

[Asker]

He didn't know he's infertile until the doctor told him. The funny thing is, he didn't know he was infertile until the doctor told him. He goes home to his pregnant wife and doesn't realize that it isn't his child.

[meesegoMoo]

Not enough of a build-up. And the payoff is weak. It's a great concept though.

[Asker]

The funny thing is, he didn't know he was infertile until the doctor told him. He goes home to his pregnant wife and doesn't realize that it isn't his child.

[meesegoMoo]

I understood the joke immediately. It needs to be re-formatted. The way it's told isn't funny even though the concept is fine. Try working on presentation. In text, presentation matters often much more than it would in a spoken environment.

[Asker]

Well, how would you reformat or present it then? And this is a serious question. I'm looking for advice/constructive criticism, I'm not being sarcastic

[meesegoMoo]

After a one-night stand, a man is presented with a request for child support. He doesn't want to pay so he demands a test. "Mixed news" the doctor says, "the kid's not yours, but no other kid will be either". The man asked him just what he meant, so the doctor went on "Y chromosomal micro-deletion". "The hell is that!" the man demanded. "You were born infertile, nothing much else to worry about though." The man goes home, distressed but relived. He goes back to his wife and 5 kids with his lesson learned.

[meesegoMoo]

Anything that makes it tell more like a story. That was just me spit-balling for 30 seconds.

[Asker]

Wow, that's much better than what I had 😂😂 But I guess in my question title, it should have been "is this a funny joke?" Cause looking back, it's not much of a story.

[meesegoMoo]

Just work on your story-telling skills in general and this'll be easy after a while. I did that after being out of practice for a couple years. When you do it enough you can start coming up with interesting stuff on-the-fly. How old are you?

[jakerson181]

It's not funny, but it could have been.

[Asker]

How could it have been funnier? Like, this is a genuine question, I'm not being sarcastic. I wanna know some constructive criticism.

[jakerson181]

The premise is funny. The structure is a bit awkward and choppy. It needs to flow better. You just state facts. Build a little story around it. Talk about how he meets her at a bar and and he can't believe his luck. They go home together however she falls asleep before they do anything and he leaves and totally forgets about it. 3 months later she calls him and... etc. Something like that.

[Asker]

Yeah, but the joke here is that he finds out that he's infertile, and yet he has children and a pregnant wife. It's not about the woman he met at a bar.

[jakerson181]

Maybe end it with him telling the doctor, thanks doc. You did a really good job. Are you taking on new patients? I'd really like to have my pregnant wife make an appointment to see you. instead of just saying he went home to his pregnant wife. It's a funnier payoff and leave out the children. it doesn't add anything to the joke. .

[Asker]

The part with the children, is that it implies his wife has been cheating on him. But he doesn't realize that.

[jakerson181]

I get that he's infertile. I'm not an idiot. You include that in the part of the joke when he gets the results from the doctor. You asked me how it could be funnier. I'm trying to tell you how to tell a story which makes it funnier than just delivering choppy rehearsed lines.

[jakerson181]

That his wife is pregnant already tells you she's been cheating. Adding the part about the children doesn't add anything to the joke. I'm trying to tell you how to make it funnier but you seem like you aren't hearing anything I'm saying and just want to keep telling it exactly the same way you've been telling it. So do that. I'm done.

[Asker]

It's a short story so I thought it needed to be like less than 10 sentences. The weird part is that you understand it. But these other people who replied seem to not get it at all.

[jakerson181]

Not to be mean, but most of the people on this site really aren't that bright. Listen, don't think of it as a short story. It's a joke. Stop worrying about the sentence count. Premise, set-up, punchline. 3 elements. Some of the funniest jokes are those where the audience thinks the joke will be about 1 thing like whether this guy got this girl pregnant and at the last minute you change direction and the joke is really that his wife is cheating on him and he doesn't realize it. Google how to write a joke or how to tell a joke or how to be funny and read the articles if you're really interested in learning how to construct and deliver good jokes. And remember, even the top comedians have to keep working on a joke, tweaking it, changing it, adding a word here and there, changing emphasis on different parts etc. before a joke is really funny. You see them tell it and the audience laughs and they make it look like they just thought of it 5 minutes before but they've probably been working on it for 2 weeks to get it just right. Like anything else, constructing a good joke takes time and effort.

[Asker]

Thanks, I'm not trying to be a professional comedian, but next time, if I'm trying to tell a joke to my friends and such, I'll take your advice and not worry about the sentence count and such. Also, I've been using this site for a few months, so I didn't know that the people on this site are... not very bright lol.

[scotcheggs]

maybe i’m just stupid but i don’t see the funny

[Asker]

The funny thing is, he didn't know he was infertile until the doctor told him. He goes home to his pregnant wife and doesn't realize that it isn't his child.

[scotcheggs]

OH right. i guess it’s okay but i wouldn’t pull that joke out unless you have a rlly good delivery which makes it interesting. my dumb ass thought it meant he had a snip after his wife was pregnant

[Asker]

His wife's been cheating on him this whole time, and he doesn't know it. That was meant to be the punchline.

[scotcheggs]

yeah i get that now, but like another commenter said, you’ll need to pick ur audience wisely

[Solaire87]

4/10