Is this a sign of abusive happening later on?

[Anonymous]

We were having sex and I started feeling sick during everything. He was doing missionary & wanted me to ride him and I said no and he flipped me over and started pulling my hair from behind while banging me from behind & said “ you’re not going to ride me?” in a low aggressive voice. I know sometimes pulling hair is part of sex and some people like it but in this case i dont know. I’m going to tell him later on why I didn’t since he seemed surprised since it was our first time doing it. we’re both not virgins.

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s not a good sign that’s for sure.

you definitely need to let him know what your limits are and not to cross them.

It’s hugely disrespectful to do that first time you have sex, unless previously discussed.

he’s obviously watched to much porn.

tell him he needs to earn trust before anything kinky is tried.

tell him ASAP and if he does it again, tell him no during sex as he does it, if he does not, then dump him.

[Asker]

I told him stop after he made that comment and he did and you think so? Im into that stuff but the comment made it a turn off

[ChrisMaster69]

I’m in to that and more. But Trust and respect are hugely important, it stops others being physically and mentally hurt. Open communications are really important, setting up guardrails where your limits are. It’s one of the first thing a Dom explores with a new sub, as some things can be subjective. If he does as told then you should be okay but keep in control. In a D/s relationship the sub actually controls most of it.

[ChrisMaster69]

@ pink Anon asker, all good then

[MotorcycleMan]

Sounds like you need to have some conversations around your likes and dislikes around sex. He may just have thought you'd like it like that (although it seems like something you'd find out about first - but in general our gender is pretty clueless about shit like that). If, after talking about it he doesn't respect your wishes here, then yes, get away.

[Lionman95]

Have you talked with about it? If he´s not interested in your opinion it could become abusive sooner or later.

[Asker]

No, I didn't but I did tell him to stop after and he did.

[Lionman95]

Him stopping I would see as a sign that it´s meant to abusive. He probably watches porn because in porn guys are regularly grab women by their hair. He might have thought that you like it and expect him to do so.

[RealMarek]

If something feels “off,” there is often something “off.” I would tell him that it bothered you. If he tries to make it seem like the problem is all in your head or if he gets aggressive with you then there is a good chance he is abusive. Watch for other red flags too. Be careful.

[Baylist1000]

The way he behaved was not right. He should understand that sometimes the other person doesn't want to do certain things and respect it.

[Asker]

I would have done it and I know it seemed a bit selfish and lazy of me because I would want someone to return the favor but that wasn’t right of him.

[Baylist1000]

I can understand. And it's sometimes fun to be lazy too during sex and let our partner do the things

[jahaims]

Just communicate with him. If he disregards what you tell him then get rid of him