Lacking sex in marriage?

[MarkPayne]

I haven't been intimate with my wife for about 6 months, always an excuse too hot, cold tired period. Do I just keep taking care of myself forever?

[Anonymous]

No, what you do is try talking to your wife - not when you are attempting to have sex or even begin having sex. Rather, you go to her - maybe over dinner - and say that you have noticed the pattern of her refusing sex.

Please note, you don't blame it on her. Rather, you ask her if there is anything wrong or if you are doing something wrong. Not in the physical sense - though you can add that - but rather you ask if you hurt her in some way or if she is feeling ill or suchlike.

You explain your concerns in emotional terms. Say that you love her and miss that sense of connection that sex gives you. You can even say - even, frankly, if you don't necessarily mean it - that you realize that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, but say it means something to you and you thought, and hope, that it means something to her.

You, in effect, take the blame on yourself and ask what you can do for her.

Yes, that may be a bit unfair to you but when she sees that you are defining the problem in terms of her happiness, she will feel less defensive and be more open to a discussion. Being sure in all of this to keep your tone calm, civil and understanding.

Bottom line, communicate!! It is what makes for not only better sex - and my girlfriend with whom I have three children and I have a great sex life, so I know whereof I speak - but it will make for a better marriage.

Good luck.

[SnowedIn]

This. +100.

[Opinion Owner]

@SnowedIn Thanks so much for the kind compliment.

[summiter]

That is a bummer. I am assuming you have talked to her about it? Does she have a health issue or is sex painful for her? You may want to consider going to a sex or marriage counselor. I know jerking off is not as much fun. Maybe buy her some sex toys that you can both use on her?
Sometimes children, jobs, money and stress also get in the way... if you have the means maybe go on a short vacation and see if that gets her in the mood. Also try some date nights. Would watching some soft (maybe hard) porn together work? Hang in there.

[Apple1996]

Omg y'all have to talk or go to therapy cuz that is not normal

[MrOracle]

No, you get marriage counseling, so you can get to the real problem and deal with it. Clearly she isn't telling you what's wrong directly, so you need a third party to give her some accountability.

[spartan55]

Six months? Man fuck that. I feel for ya dude.

[Berethor]

Asexuality is pretty common among women, but why did you allowed her to set the rules?

[slatyb]

Up to you. What does she say? For me it would be no sex, no marriage.

[Chazmatazz269]

Yup. If you don’t value things or money, you could divorce her. But you better be good looking and charming as hell! Cuz you’ll never have enough money to attract most women traditionally. Ell oh ell!

[NerdInDenial]

Have you stopped paying her bills?

[leafygreen]

How do you know she isn’t paying her own bills? Wow.

[NerdInDenial]

@leafygreen Because he's married, the expectation is for him to be working and providing

[leafygreen]

Oh god. That’s your expectation of marriage, not everyone’s. Living in the dark ages I see

[NerdInDenial]

@leafygreen It's not mine; it's a majority of women's expectations. Most marriages where the woman who make more than the man does not work.

[leafygreen]

Please stop talking. You clearly have no idea what women want. Good luck in life.

[NerdInDenial]

@leafygreen You can disagree, but my analysis is based on trends and behaviors. If I have no idea what I am talking about, you can provide statistics to counter my argument.

[tfan1]

Unfortunately it may be that way. It is for me. My wife got menopause and she’s not that much into sex either. Unless I masturbate her with a bullet sized vibrator 🙂👍

[Mangospacho]

You have to talk with your wife. There is something seriously off in your marriage if you haven’t had sex for nearly a year and you don’t know why. Maybe marriage counseling is the next step but start by talking with your wife first.

[In_Trance]

Can't do that forever.
There's something she's not telling you