Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Every single time I talk to my girlfriends, it turns into quite a debate. That is because they wonder why their men are so inclined to watch porn or even have a straying eye, when their ladies lay on the bed like a starfish and expect sex to just happen. I am appalled when I hear my girlfriend, Vicki tell me that sometimes she is too tired for sex, so she just tells her man to "do as you please, and lets hurry up i'm tired". Needless to say, she can see that this ruins the mood. So from my experience and those close to me, here are some things I have learned over the years.
1. Myth: Men should initiate sex 100% of the time.
Of course a woman likes to feel loved, chased and wanted... but a man does too! A woman should initiate sex once in a while and make the man feel that he is valued and loved in the relationship. By a man's nature he would want to take the lead anyways.
2. Myth: Men should do all the work during sex 100% of the time.
A man loves to show his manly side by taking charge and dominating his woman for the most part. However, a woman can be on top once in a while and spice things up by doing some of the fun sexual work!
3. Truth: Men like women to be enthused about sex, and not just "get it over with".
Nothing turns off a man like a woman who looks like she is enduring an unpleasant experience. In fact, a woman should show her enjoyment and appreciation for a man. Of course a woman can get tired, but perhaps a late night coffee is the key to keeping things vibrant again.
What Girls & Guys Said
46 67I lot of good points.
Some nights I love taking charge and absolutely loving my guy's body... other nights, I'm happy to lay back and let him do the same for me.
I'd say with me and my husband, it's about 50/50
I don't understand this phenomenon at all. I enjoy sex and sex is better with two ACTIVE participants. It's part of the reason I could never get into the whole dom/sub routine. I don't want to do something to someone else or have someone do things to me. Nothing is as sexy as two people who can't keep their hands of one another.
These are all great points, and often overlooked by us in our zeal to have sex with her. Sex is much better when your partner is passionately involved (one reason why sex is usually better with your girlfriend than in a hookup).
I agree 100%.
My husband's ex initiated all the time, was always on top and very enthused about sex. She is now a guy. Changed name, hair, clothes etc. It's a guy now. The end.
So you're inferring that all girls that initiate are more guy like?
So in your mind, a guy who wants his girl to show more enthusiasm is more feminine.
i guess a female's loss of sexual desire or libido . age? . or that he's boring in bed .
could be reasons for another mytake . if not mentioned here .
maybe even talking to other girls than just your friends . might reveal a little to the contrary .
millions of studies show men's sex drives are stronger than females . and by contrast
women's are more difficult to determine . figure out . emotions desires etc .
So because she may not be as interested in sex means she shouldn't try to make him happy? I'm not interested in going out paying for dates, buying flowers and watching "chick flicks" so does that mean I should stop doing that? Or make a big deal about how its making me go out of my way? Its real easy for women to say the things you have because men are far more willing to put up with things they don't like, but if men started to act that way you better believe your/women's opinions would change, and quickly. If you can't be bothered to consider your partners needs and wants, then you really shouldn't be in a relationship.
or she's not really that attracted to him...
@hellionthesagereborn So what you're saying is if a woman is not interested or in the for mood sex for any reason . she's supposed to give it up like a crazy nympho . bc she owes sex to her man or her date bc he bought her flowers? you are ignoring sexual desires ebb and flows in relationships . and on dates too . with both men and women . from your ridiculous expectations of women - what you are advocating is that women as their obligatory and moral duty, should submit to sex . even when she isn't into it . that is nothing more than irrational archaic excuses for matrimonial and socialized rape . i will never buy into that . nor should any female . to clarify about me :::: 1 i'm not in a relationship . don't want one . 2 i've been told imma freak in da sheets . 3 if you told me or indicated that kind of crapolla to me on a date i'd have dropped my half of the check on the floor and left you sitting there breathless . trying to justify to yourself how important *you* are .
Not at all. What I am saying is that she owes him sex as much as he owes her well every single thing she does, every single thing she wants him to do. So you say that she doesn't owe him, that's true, but he doesn't owe her dates, flowers, jewelry, sitting through the things she wants him to etc. Relationships are about doing things that make your partner happy which is why I pointed out if you cannot be bothered to care about your partners wants and needs (and sex is a need, that is physical intimacy and it helps keep a man feeling like he is loved and wanted) then you shouldn't be in a relationship. You would flip out if a man didn't do all the things men are expected to do, this is just a fact. you would not tolerate him taking this mind set of "I don't want to do it so go away". That's selfish and self absorbed. Your ignoring your partner which means you don't really care about them only yourself. Yes I have had sex with a girlfriend when I didn't want to, because she wanted to.
It wasn't the end of the world, I didn't make a big deal of it, I didn't treat her like she was beneath me, that her feelings where irrelevant, I treated her exactly as I expected to be treated, like my and her needs and wants are equivalent, anything else and I would have just been using her. That's what your advocating, that he is beneath her and ergo he is not to be taken seriously, what he wants is inconsequential because her wants matter more. So no, that's not rape, I'm not advocating for some one to be forced into sex and you very well know that, you only make the claim as a justification for being self centered. By your rational I have been raped by my (ex) girlfriend which of course is absurd. Hell by your rational you rob your significant others as do all women as they want the man to pay up all the damn time even when he doesn't want to. Your missing the really important part in this, its not about you its about the two of you, your relationship which should matter more.
@hellionthesagereborn No no no you don't OWE any one sex. You're telling me you'd be ok with your girl just laid there waiting for you to finish just because you made her feel like she owes you this? That'd be some pretty shitty sex dude
@acooke-13 Okay, again, you didn't read anything I wrote. I never said a man is owed sex. In fact I explicitly stated that was not the case, several times in fact. What I stated was just as a man is not entitled to sex, a woman is not entitled to anything a man does for her. As such it is imperative for a relationship to function in a healthy manner for both partners to view their partners as equally as important as themselves. That means some times you do something your not really into, or your not "feeling" or what have you. If you cannot acknowledge how neglecting your partner will be disappointing to them in the short run and damaging in the long run thus resulting in a defective relationship, then you are not able to step outside of your self enough to be with another person. Their is compromises in a relationship and just as men are constantly compromising and doing the things that make her happy, she should also be willing to do the same for him.
@hellionthesagereborn You literally said "what I am saying is that she owes him sex"... Sex and buying someone a gift or paying for a meal is COMPLETELY different that you cannot compare. Not wanting sex doesn't mean you don't care for your partner (another thing you implied)
@acooke-13 You didn't read my comment clearly. Again, that is not what was stated, you ignored the other half of the sentence and the sentence that came after. Here is the complete quote in context (which you are trying to take it out of): "What I am saying is that she owes him sex as much as he owes her well every single thing she does, every single thing she wants him to do. So you say that she doesn't owe him, that's true, but he doesn't owe her dates, flowers, jewelry, sitting through the things she wants him to etc." She owes him as much as he owes her, was the sentence. It was followed by saying that neither of them owe each other anything. So again, I never said it was owed, what I said is that if your going to have a functional relationship it cannot be all about you. You have to make sacrifices, you have to do things when you don't want to, you have to put your partners needs on the same level as your own, their wants at the same level as your own.
@acooke-13 As for your claim that sex is completely different then buying things, how so? With sex both parties feel pleasure and intimacy, with buying things one partner sacrifices their money (and by extension time because those are hours of their life they spent earning that) and giving it away to one partner who only gains and does not lose. So yes its true that they are different, but not in the fashion you seem to think. As for the implication of caring, yes, if you do not give a damn about your partners feelings, their wants and their needs and make no mistake physical intimacy is an absolute need it is both a need in a biological drive sense as well as the fact that this is one of the primary ways a man feels like he is loved and cared for, then you do not care about them. You cannot place yourself above your partner and still care about them as much as yourself, those are mutually exclusive.
@hellionthesagereborn Well sex is abit more intimate than scoffing a pizza together don't you think? The second part doesn't add up, if I don't want sex with my boyfriend it doesn't mean I don't care about him, whatsoever, nor does it mean he doesn't care about me if he doesn't want sex with me. You're reading abit too much into it petal
@acooke-13 Yeah, sex is intimate, are you suggesting that your not suppose to be intimate with your boyfriend/husband? Your good enough to take their money, their time, their affection, but your not good enough to give him intimacy? That's really twisted. The problem isn't that I'm "reading to much into it", that's just an excuse, the problem is that you get everything you want and expect that he will just go along with you neglecting his needs because you can't be bothered to care. The sad part is men are more devoted then women for the most part so he will go along with it. You would not stick with a man who didn't compliment you, pay for your crap, plan dates etc but you expect him to stick with you even though your not giving anything in return and making excuses for why you shouldn't have to. That's solipsism at its finest. What I'm saying is both parties should treat their partner as they do themselves, your suggesting that you should be treated better, pretty screwed up.
@hellionthesagereborn No... I didn't even imply that. When did I ever say I would take his money? HAHAHA you don't even know me, and actually I don't have a partner, when I did was just 2 years ago, I actually paid for most things. So get away with your nonsense assumptions of me and also, he never planned dates, never bought me gifts, he did compliment me but not that much and I was with him for 2 years... I never suggested I should be treated better, what so ever, what I DID say was that I don't think you owe anyone sex, no matter who they are or what they do.
@acooke-13 Because you are a woman and you have different wants then men. Women want a man who will pay for dates, this is a fact (please don't claim otherwise, statistical data, anecdotal data and your own history (I don't even need to know you to state that) shows otherwise), she wants a man who has resources (its biology), what a man wants is a woman who will have sex with him because that's what is hardest for him to get. Her taking his money is easy, expecting him to pay for dates, buy her things, all women are more then happy for a man to spend his resources on her, some will even pretend to care. But not many women will actually give up sex to him, that's how he knows that she cares about him, because every woman will take his money, his time, many will sit their and let him tell her how great and beautiful she is, but few will give him sex so when she does that tells him he has value to her. Just like with women, if a guy is willing to have sex with you, that means nothing.
@acooke-13 A guy will always be willing to have sex with you, but how many guys will take the time to listen? How many guys will take the time to help you, to buy you things? Considerablly fewer, that's why women want a man who will cater to her its how she knows that he cares, just like how a man knows a woman cares when she has sex with him, she isn't just using him she is willing to be with him physically and emotionally its not just an act. As for owing sex, AGAIN, I never once made that claim at any point in time, EVER. I even had to repost to show that I never said it. So I don't know why your making that argument. What I said is you don't owe him sex but he doesn't owe you dates, or flowers, or jewelry, or the time of day. Yet you still expect that of him. It doesn't matter what is owed, what matters is that in order to maintain a relationship you must GIVE. If you only take then your relationships are going to be disfunctional if they even last that long.
@hellionthesagereborn well it's good that you are not in a relationship, if you don't want to satisfy you man, and are you okay with him getting what he need from other girl? just because women tend to be less sexual then men, it's mean that a man should be the one who compromise and not the other way around? maybe there are women who care more about their relationship and man, then they care about an feminist agenda. You accept a man to submit to sexless relationship, but a man should be dominant, a man don't need to stand for this bullshit. In western world no one force a woman to be in a relationship with a man, if a woman choose to be with a man, she expected to do her wifely/girlfriend duties, otherwise why should he stay with her? why would he tolerate that shit for too long?
tvtropes.org/.../ImAManICantHelpIt
Ops, that response was for @BrileyCat and not for @hellionthesagereborn. :)
Such a good Take. I didn't even know there was a myth of men initiating sex every time. Isn't it just common sense that there are two people in the relationship and both can initiate it at any time?
"A man loves to show his manly side by taking charge and dominating his woman for the most part. However, a woman can be on top once in a while and spice things up by doing some of the fun sexual work!"
I like to dominate and control, true and it's good you are saying women should do more work. But it's interesting you said, the man having to do the work 100% of the time. While I appreciate where you're coming from telling women to be more active and not be starrfishes. I mean come on, is a man doing the work 80% of the time so much better? You said 100% of the time. I guess while I appreciate some effort from the woman, her doing a little more or just here and there to make it so I'm not doing the work 100 percent of the time, is not enough. I'm not expecting or guys aren't expecting women to do more work or half, but what's wrong with wanting to working more toward the middle? I've heard some women say it's tiring, but others say not so tiring, and they weren't in great shape or better shape than one's who said it was hard to be on top. I wonder how much is just practive and it gets easier or more used to it, the more a woman is on top. But I like to dominate, but it gets boring fast when even though I'm not doing work 100% of the time, I'm still doing it the majority of the time and it's still lopside. I'm confident that I don't feel I have to always dominate to be manly or be in control. It's annoying why women feel that way, tha men want to or feel they have to do that. Some do. But if anything it seems the opposite of being secure. Like I'm stronger than a woman, I'd have to be an insecure fucking dude to pin a woman's arms down that I'm having sex wiith (consensuallly of course) and show my dominance. Well I'm a fucking dude, of course I can, why do I have to often show this or a majority of the time. Why do I need to prove that? It's like fucking arm wrestling a woman and beating her or wrestling a woman and pinning her and then like "aha!, look how strong and manly I am! , hear my fuckin tarzan roar!) like wtf. How about let's have fun, let's let her pin me down and mix it up more even. Seeing the fiery sexy vixen, sexually ravenous woman come out thats sexy and cute, let's have her on top a good amount, not just "every now and then" and make it it fun and both parties get to enjoy the different aspects of sex and dominance and submission. Plus women have nice breasts to see on top that guys don't get to see that views as much as I'd like
Plus you ladies have sexy asses. You want us on top, well it's not you being on top more and not just here and there and "some times", and let the man enjoy squeezing your ass while you work your hips on top and those sexy glutes work, but y'all just want to rob guys of that fun, because you know either all of the work by guys thus guys being on top or just "here and there" like your posts states. Too far and in between for me and more too far in between for others guys too even though you mean well. Doing more helps, than nothing or like a starfish like you said, but yeah guys like to dominate, I like to, but more guyus than you think might enjoy women being more active, and more than just "here and there " or "sometimes". Make being in control a bit more regular even if the man still is more active, make it more balanced and less lopsided. Yours still implies it's more work, but still will be lopsided, because if she's doing some here and there, then the ratio will still more likely
more likely be 90/10, or 80/20 ration, still a good distance or difference to me.
I'd like to see the ediitor's answer to this, because you're thought process while it helps, is also part of the problem. "once in a while in control" is not enough. So while you give advice you might want to work on what you do in bed too.
i agree with you
I think it we value getting a woman turned on more, star fishing would drastically decrease. Minus very young and nervous people, or very drunk people who should be sleeping instead... Star fishing is a signal of low arousal.
Note that this isn’t necessarily her partner’s fault, too. Young Women often pick up cultural shame for thinking of sex as something for them to fully enjoy, too. So they may not even fully understand how to be as excited as possible.
Or just say you're tired and you'll get me back another time. Like I understand you get tired you're human. I'd rather you just say you're tired and we'll have fun another time, than just be a masturbation tool. My hand would be more appealing than a woman who is just there an has no interest at all or is just doing it to "get it over with". Man, that just makes us feel like we are that horrible class assignment you HAVE to do in order to pass, that you really would avoid if you had your choice.
Women who suck in bed get used less by men, if you're gonna be good in the sack you must prepare to be a free spirit for all your life.
It's the other way around, some girls are able to be good at bed without being sluts.
@Berethor Yeah sir, yea.
... what?
@BaileyisDarcy yea
I was questioningyour logic in your original comment. Because whereim standing its fucking retarded.
@BaileyisDarcy Sure, one day you'll grow up.
Jesus christ, im asking you to explain your comment. How can one understand something if its not explained.
“Starfishes” 😆 I don’t understand how this happens? Like. Literally. How?
(I couldnt keep still if I tried - pinned down is always fun though) 😄
That was meant to be a laughing face not relaxed one lol!
I initiate sex with my husband most of the time I'd say around 90% of the time.
Exactly!!!
Your username is pretty accurate :)
@mrsterlingarcher hasn't always been this way. We've both made so many changes for the better.
Good for you : )
I've read a few aritcles about what women can/should do in bed because guys don't like it when girls just lay there "like starfish". I'm always shocked that enough women do that to make articles necessary. Like how do they even do that? And why?
Well it's easy to not do much and just lie there, there are many girls who lazy about it. :)
@Berethor I would find it incredibly difficult to just lie there. My body wants to respond to sexual stimuli. But maybe others don't?
1. Myth: "Men should initiate sex 100% of the time."
NO! I'm not gonna wait if I wanna get it started!
2. Myth: Men should do all the work during sex 100% of the time.
NO! I'm a big part of this! I have moves of my own!
3. Truth: Men like women to be enthused about sex, and not just "get it over with".
NO! So wrong! I never want to "just get it over with." I'd like it to be as enduring as it can be.
Sorry, horrible take.
1) the woman should initiate it at least half the time. Unless she gives me some idea that she is "in the mood", I don't try and initiate it.
2) I hate when the woman is on top. It is awkward and never works right. Why do women have to do anything but lay there? there isn't a whole lot of moving they need to do. Now, if she likes being on top, I am more then happy to lay there while she does her thing. I know many women, like my ex, that is the only position they can orgasm from penetration. But as soon as she is done, I want her off and under me.
3) that one you got right.
If my SO is too tired for it then I don't even bother to ask or try for it.
It would be easier to just "do it myself" then to have her just lay there during it.
Good points, also the tried excuse is usually weak, considering that men tend to do all/most of the work, and I love how women who not good at satisfying their man complain about him watching porn, as if they don't have a part in it.
Well said! If a woman just laid there during sex, I wouldn't be with her. And it's for all the reasons you said that you shouldn't even have to say because it should be common sense!