Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
When I first starting dating Michael I wasn't in love with him, but I felt obligation to him. He had done so much for me and I found him physically appealing and he was desirable to Many women. So I gave him the only thing I assumed I could offer him-sex. All the while I didn't realizing I didn't owe him a DAMN THING. I was so young and immature that I was stuck in this fantasy of a perfect relationship and I didn't even care if the love wasn't real. I knew that he was cheating on me with other women so even more so I thought that giving him sex would save everything. I mean I thought if he wouldn't be in love with me he would not be saying that I never was a good lover. Because I wanted to please him to the point that I could be better than any other woman he slept with and thus, not worth losing.
A while ago I realized that having sex with him wasn't an obligation. Just because he was my boyfriend didn't mean he deserved my body. And yeah, I enjoyed sex just as much as he did. But using as a tool to keep him around wasn't worth it, so I just stopped having sex with him. I even let it be known that I would not have sex with him anymore unless he changed. He eventually stopped pretending to love me because I wouldn't have sex with the the him, and I wouldn't have sex with him because he didn't love me. We still managed to remain in a relationship, both foolishly believing the other would be what they wanted. I wanted him to he my lover, he wanted me to be his ho. And none would budge. All of his attempts to seduce me we're met with a serious confession that it wouldn't happen, probably ever again. I knew he could no longer continue to use me if I didn't allow it. but I believed that by showing him that I respected myself he would magically change. Thats just not true. No man is going to magically respect you just because you tell him to. Nobody in the world is that easy to control. The only reason to change your ways isn't to prove to someone else that your worth respecting, but because you ACTUALLY RESPECT YOURSELF.
The real reason sex won't keep a man isn't because your sex isn't good enough. You could have the best vagina on the planet. But when it all boils down to it, if all he is getting from you is sex and he seems satisfied with that, then honey that's all he ever wanted from you. He wasn't seeking a relationship, nor did he have any intentions of being with you and that won't change. It just doesn't change no matter how much you wish it would. You see, if a man wants to stay he will make an effort to NOT FUCK UP. No man who doesn't want to lose you is going to openly give you reasons to leave. And if your so easy to get back together with that you can just have sex with him after everything bad thing he has done, then honey he won't change. Your giving him everything he wants, and if it doesn't seem like much then that's because it isn't. Sex is not enough in a relationship, anyone can tell you that. so if he is settling for just sex from you, he doesn't want anything more. And by you not giving him any ultimatum (be with me or never be with me again) he assumes that you don't want anything more either. You can say you want to be in a relationship and get married or for him to stop cheating, but in the end you are BOTH making the concious decision to be together. If he isn't physically MAKING you have sex with him then you are fully responsible for your decision to let him stick around.
And YES, if a man is only using you for sex then he is SIMPLY STICKING AROUND. He doesn't have the intention of staying for good. He is sticking around while everything is good FOR NOW. And that won't keep a man for the simple fact that he doesn't want to be kept. Ladies, stop kidding yourselves. The only reason you can't keep a man isn't because your not good enough, it's because the men you choose never wanted anything else you had to offer but your body. (Or your money but that isn't the topic of this post).
You as an individual aren't perfect, but a man who wants a woman would want you if you respect yourself and have standards. Never underestimate that standards are important. They do matter. But the thing is, they only matter to men worth being with. Ladies, stop chasing players and realize that a man who wants you does not just stay because YOU want him to. He stays because HE does. If your man makes you feel like you could lose him at any moment, then you better believe you can. Ditch him now and go find a real man.
What Girls & Guys Said
6 21Women need to stop using their sexuality as a tool. Sex was supposed to be an expression of love between two people who love each other. Now women try to use it to attract, manipulate and reward guys into sticking around and being what she wants.
Your tale of woe is the result. If women were to make sure the relationship is strong before sex is involved none of this would happen. You sleep with the guy who does love you, treat you well and wants more. Not with a guy who you want these things with, but don't yet have, in hopes it will convince him to stick around. It won't.
Agreed most women learn to use sex to get what they want. Although men are also the fools for giving them that power.
@Satisfyd I'm not saying sex is a tool please open your mind and stop reading into what I say. I clearly said that you should NOT use sex as a tool to keep a man because it won't work. If you have to do so then the relationship isn't worth it. And don't be fooledx sex is enjoyable physically but for many women after the orgasm is pass we feel used and foolish and played when we realize that the man we just slept with is still lying, cheating, or trying not to commit. So that is why I clearly said not to have sex withaa man unless he proves to you that he isn't he man for you by commuting to you, being honest and open and not openly giving you reasons to leave him. This is applicable to men as well I just didn't say so
Can we get a amen! Lol so very true!
You got it half right but you are still stuck on the idea of having power over the other person, you have just changed it from sexual to relationship power.
I would say it's more like people commit because they have decided for themselves that is the sort of person they are, the kind who doesn't cheat or lie. Well that's the sort of person you want anyway, most people probably refrain from lying and cheating out of fear of exposure or fear of losing some perceived advantage.
What I'm saying is it doesn't matter what you are like, it's what he's like. Respecting yourself won't make any difference, what you need to learn to do is spot the frauds (which is most of them).
That brings us to the second problem, having found a rare honest man what do you bring to the table that is equally rare and valuable in a woman?
To Anonymous, you make valid poinylt. Women have to bring something equally valuable to the table. I don't have much to offer in my opinion. I'm independent, and learning. Now is a great time to devote more time to myself though, to find out who I am and what I have to offer to the world and myself. So I'm giving relationships a break for a while. Another thing, though, is you mention I believe that I have power over another. But i don't. I THOUGHT that having sex or being pretty and good in bed along with some other menial qualities could give me a bigger advantage than any woman he was cheating on me with, but deep down I knew Michael couldn't be controlled by sex. People have free will and nothing can force them to do things they dont want to do. Besides love, nothing will make a person do anything for you. So no, I didn't say that sex or anything else could give you power I refuted that idea throughout the entire post, only by the example that trying to do so didn't work for me.
But you still think love will give you power over another person. It won't, you can define love as that which does give you power over another but if that's the case then love doesn't last. The only thing which gives a person integrity is their own deep desire to have integrity. they do it for themselves, not another person.
Love gives you power in the sense that people will sacrifice a lot on the behalf of those they love. I would die for the people I love. But having the power of having another sacrifice for you is not the same as control. Because like I said people have free will and NOTHING can control them. Excuse me ifbi failed to put it correctly in the 1000 word limit but that's what i meant. Integrity on the other hand is just as you say, done for yourself. And I now have integrity by refusing to have sex with my now ex boyfriend Michael, because I choose to make a decision for myself and to respect myself. I'm not going to keep explaining that Im not holding sex against him, I'm holding onto it because he doesn't deserve it. He won't EVER get it again so there is no point in saying I'm holding it for some kind of power. I made it clear that he wasn't going to have sex with me if he didn't respect me. That goes for any other man. Taats why I said it wasn't an obligation
Players are good at disguising themselves with many masks... its not always quick to spot them.
Of course, if you behave this way with someone who does love you, it will also crush their love and make them want to leave you.
Sex cannot make a relationship on its own, but lack of it destroys one.
Obviously I'm not encouraging holding sex against someone in a relationship or holding onto it as a bitter consolation prize for not getting the love of someone. I'm saying people should ONLY have sex with someone they truly love and who loves them back or else it will become a case like mine,. lack of love.
Wow, I can't believe that she had to go through all that, to realise that you should only have sex with someone you truly love! didn't you watch Disney growing up?
Reading your take you have learned some things but some other issues you have don't seem to be apparent to you. You think having sex with him is a service you're doing for him. That he needs to be worthy of sex (when you're in a relationship with a decent man what's to say you're any more worthy of sex than he is?) That's completely narcissistic. No guy wants to be with a girl who thinks she's better than him. Sex should be a mutual satisfaction. No one is doing it just for the other. It's a shared experience. So even if you do find a guy who is faithful if you keep going about it as if he needs to earn the sex and it's a privilege for him it's just going to end again just for different reasons. I certainly would never stand to be with a girl that thinks it's a privilege for me to have sex with her. Just as you have respect for yourself so do a lot of men. You still got a ways to go in developing your character.
No not at all. I learned that what ibwas doing was using sex as a means to keep him because I subconsciously knew that's what he wanted from me. It had gotten to the pointbwherr though I physically enjoyed the sex, mentally I hated it. It crushed me that that was all I could do to hold ontonsomeone I had fallen in love with and I began to resent him for it. The whole purpose of this post is to encourage girls (and boys too if theybcan find itbapplicable to their own circumstance) to leave a guy alone if this is the case with her and him. So by having sex with him I was hurting my own self worth, and it wasn't worth it
Or actually, no unexplained that all wrong. Let me break it down simply. The lesson that in learned was that I didn't have an obligation to sleep with a man I was no longer in love with or who was treating me wrong. I would rather not share an intimate experience like sex with him again once I realized that he wasn't interested in anything BUT sex from me. It got to that point where I had to say "I value MYSELF. This relationship is already falling apart and it's irreparable. Its time to stop having sex, enduring his lies and everything that is with this miserable relationship." The title of this post is Ladies, this is why you can't keep a man. And I go on to explain as well as i can that women can't keep a man because he isn't the right man. You can't keep a man who does not want to be kept, not with sex or anything else. He will never truly devote to you without the primary ingredient in a relationship, which is love.