Ladies would you be okay if the person you're dating slept with someone else until you are ready to sleep with him?

Question

It's a fair question.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

An interesting question, but I don't think it has a one-or-the-other answer without details being factored in.

Such as, how long are the two people dating/when did they first meet? Is she also seeing other people, or trying to decide if she's interested in others? Why doesn't she (or he) know if they want to sleep together yet? Is it because she or he hasn't devoted time to the other, in communication, to see if they are compatible and interested? That effort is key. Both have to put in that time, otherwise the other could wait indefinitely while one lags, and leaves the other hanging, not knowing where they stand.

So, too many variables. But if I knew he was sleeping with someone else, and we weren't, on a gut level, I'd be pretty grossed out. It would turn me off. And I'd tell him how I felt about that, and if we didn't progress our relationship to find out one way or the other if he and I were going to be exclusive, then might as well end it. Because while I'm not one one to believe in ultimatums, I don't wait a long time to have sex, so I'm not going to be with a guy who is double-dipping. (And if he can't wait a month or so to find out where we stand, then he's too focused on sex, and not for me. Then I'll have to presume that his priority is sex, and he'll look to get it wherever, whenever he can.) That's how I was in my twenties, dating, anyway. If I was single today, I'd probably be the same. STDs are serious business.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Absolutely not. I don't care if we aren't in a committed relationship yet, to me that says he couldn't control his hormones enough to see if we (me and him) were a match. That and if he's doing it while he's dating someone, that tells me he might sleep around again if we're in a committed relationship but unable to have sex.

For example, suppose you're in a relationship with someone, but you get into a car accident or serious injury. Obviously sex isn't an option for a while until you recover. Will he decide, "Oh, I have urges so I'm going to sleep with someone else until you feel better," To me that says to me he thinks with the wrong head and cares more about his urges than wanting a long term partner to establish a connection with.

And for those saying, "But you two aren't official yet, so why does it matter if he's honest about it?" Still no. Don't want a guy that is sleeping with other women and not giving me his full attention in the initial stages of forming dating. Call me old fashioned, but when I'm getting to know someone, I'm sure as hell not talking to other guys, much less sleeping with anyone else. That's tacky.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

No, at least MOST women would have a problem with someone doing this. Premarital relationships are not all about sex especially not in the beginning. If that is all you care about then you just need to find women who are the same way and not waste the time of good women.

This is really disgusting especially if a woman gives you her heart but just isn't ready to sleep with you yet. Some men have turned down some really amazing women over sex. Pretty sad and even some women too done it to good men.

I am going to assume that you asked this question out of curiosity and not because you condone this type of behavior.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

If there's no understanding of you two being committed and exclusive, it's perfectly okay for either of you to date (and have sex with) others.

If you are exclusive, then of course he should wait, but you might want to help his drive in other ways (ex: oral or hand jobs).

kylee2437 · Answer

No because if you slept with someone else, you were probably planning to hoe around anyways and why am I involving myself with someone that doesn’t care if they spread possible unknown STDs to me?

Alessa13 · Answer

That is fine by me, but I get to also sleep with someone else until he is ready to abstain and wait for me.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

If sex is that much of a priority to them that they can’t wait until I’m comfortable with it to commit, I’d rather not date that person.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

If I were dating a man, and discovered that he was in a sexual relationship with someone else, I would IMMEDIATELY end it, and thank god that I did not sleep with the a$$hole. Guys like that give real men a bad name.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

He can sleep with whoever he wants… he just wouldn’t be dating or sleeping with me… So obviously that’s a HELL NO for me…

DizzyDesii · Answer

Absolutely not. If we’re dating we should be working towards commitment. My first boyfriend asked if he could let randoms suck his dick until i was willing to get sexual. I was pissed but hoping he was joking and never gave the greenlight. But because i never specifically stated otherwise, he took that as a “sure okay”. I ended things when i found out but what was happening, but man i Wish i was smarter back then and would have never taken him back

DubiousIntentions · Answer

If you are not in an exclusive relationship, the person is deemed still available, and he is free to date others, or have sex with others. Whether a person has sex with others (bed count) before you, or presently, is acceptable to you is your call. I personally would not be with that kind of bed jumper to begin with. Now this is even worse if you ARE in a committed relationship with someone, but are not presently having sex. If he wants to wet his noodle in another pot until you are ready for sex this would certainly not be ok, and he would no longer be on my list of prospective mates. My take on this is if you were together, and maybe had a tiff where you were not having sex, then he might go out on the town and get himself a piece of cherry pie.

Kori1236 · Answer

Why would I waste time on someone who’s fucking someone else? I don’t do poly, and that’s just disrespectful of him

purplepoppy · Answer

We have a different mating system in the uk than America. While you people date (and I assume sleep with ) multiple people, we only date one a time. It wouldn't be acceptable for them to get it elsewhere. Either drop your knickers or let him go.

katiesmuff · Answer

No if we are dating he will wait until I am ready!

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I wouldn't be ok with it at all.

CA4444 · Answer

Whatever was agreed (or implicitly agreed, in most case I guess people don’t discuss openly from the beginning) if they knew they were exclusive obviously it’s cheating so good bye