Guys, Last week I was arrested by the FBI! I still don't know exactly what I did wrong. Are there any smartly lawly people who can explain it to me?

[Gummy_Cluster]

I work at a zoo, and my job is to feed the dolphins. I feed them herring fish. Well, Henrietta (dolphin) was getting on in years, and she was my best friend. She was a good listener. But something wasn't quite right with her. Just then a leprechaun jumped out of the bushes.

(This was the first time I ever talked to a leprechaun while being sober)

Leprechaun: Lassy, I can see you're worried about Henrietta.

Gummy: Yes, Mr. Leprechaun, she won't eat her fish.

Leprechaun: What if I told you there was a way to make Henrietta live forever.

Gummy: That would be awesome. Please tell me, Mr. Leprechaun.

Leprechaun: You have to feed her baby seagulls.

Gummy: You mean like seagull eggs?

Leprechaun: No, dumb ass, like baby birds.

Gummy: Gotcha. Thanks.

So that night, I grabbed my flashlight and gunny sack and headed for the beach. I rounded up a whole sack full of baby gulls. When I got to the zoo, the gates were shut. I had to scale the wall to get in. I was running down the path towards the dolphins, but their was a fucking lion sleeping in my path. (they are always getting out of their cage) I carefully stepped over the lion, and kept running towards the dolphin pool. That's when the sirens went off, and the FBI were pointing guns at me. Is there anyone on here smartly enough to tell me the crime I was charged with? (It doesn't look like I'm going to prison, because the judge appointed one of those pro boner lawyers to help me)

[SnowedIn]

Gummy, not only is @ShiftingMonke right about EVERYTHING he wrote, you made another faux pas.

The Leprechaun is on the no-fly and banned country lists. So, TSA called the FBI on you. (They may also be responsible for your gerbil questions being removed but I cannot vouch for that wholeheartedly.)

So, while the rest of it is an issue, the Leprechaun is a big one. Something about aiding and abetting known terrorists or something.

When the package arrives at the lock up, don't use the file right away. You have to let the raspberry filling from the donut it's in dry.

[ShiftingMonke]

Edward @snowedin is spitting straight facts. #whistleblower

[SnowedIn]

@ShiftingMonke... lmao totally awesome man!

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[Gummy_Cluster]

Sure thing.

[exitseven]

Yes, it is illegal to hunt seagulls.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[ShiftingMonke]

Hi! I'm happy to help, I've been in the court room many, many times.

Depending on your state of residence, your first mistake was trusting dolphins. The US government has been conversing with dolphins using techniques pioneered by Margaret Howe Lovatt in the 60's, and every dolphin on US soil is a double agent behind some of the countries greatest conspiracies, from Jan 6th to why Mattres Stores are always going out of business. Anyway, this Dolphin- codename STURGEON- had intentionally gotten you tied up with a foreign national under the guise of a leprechaun. As he isn't tall enough to get a photo taken for his visa, this leprechaun was most likely an illegal alien at best and a ginger at worst.

Philip J. Rasch drafted an interesting paper in 1948 outlining the collation of red hair and criminality, of which I needn't go into detail here. Suffice to say, that leprechaun had serious ill intent with his advice to you.

Seagulls are a protected species, being rare and honorable birds, so collecting their young for dolphin consumption is punishable by up to half a year in prison and a fine of no less than $11. My guess is that the leprechaun set you up, with the assistance of STURGEON, in order to place further incriminating evidence in your cars glove box (as they do) or distribute pornographic material from your P. O. Box.

No idea what the lion was doing.

[Gummy_Cluster]

You sound like a very smartly lawyer-type. So the prosecutor said I was transporting under-aged gulls, across a staid lion, for immortal porpoises. What does it even mean?

[ShiftingMonke]

I do gots some of that there booklearnin'. Before I translate the charges, I gotta ask- is this Andrew Tate's alt account?

[Gummy_Cluster]

Yes it is.

[ShiftingMonke]

😂🤣 ayoo a real Top G! Ngl, that was an impressive amount of effort for such a terrible pun. You win 6 internets for making me blow extra air out of my nose.

[Gummy_Cluster]

I asked a question about gerbils, and the retards took it down for being "spam". So now I'm only going to ask stupid shit about pegging. The mods love pegging questions. Go on similarworlds. com Tomorrow the admin will reinstate my gerbil question, but they won't fire the moron who deleted it.

[ShiftingMonke]

I saw that one! I'm sorry that mods have no taste; i saw one earlier asking what a subreddit was. You palate cleansing questions spice up an otherwise boring site. I've never heard of the site you mentioned, but perhaps if you posted a question about pegging gerbils, the mods would let it play.

[QuietRunner]

What color were the herring fish?