Less pregnancy risk when you're a slut vs when you're in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I just read a mytake about this. It was old but the dude said that sluts have way less sex than women in relationships on avg, since they have hookups. Like a slut might have sex with 20 guys, 20 times a year vs a girl in a relationship who has sex 20 times in a month or more. So that made it occur to me that women who have lots of hookups, could actually have less pregnancy risks than women who are in relationships, because of the way less amount of sex. I never ever thought about it that way before. But I think it's fascinating. What's everyone's opinion on this?

[redeyemindtricks]

bahahaha
Oh, the internet... never a dull moment.

Whoever wrote the original take needs to... uh, go out and meet some actual people! lol.

See, this theory is a cute theory, but, it has a major problem: it doesn't reflect ACTUAL REALITY.
lol.

In actual reality, if you think about most promiscuous women, MOST of them tend to be IN RELATIONSHIPS CONSTANTLY.
Like, there's ALWAYS a boyfriend.

Thinking back on girlfriends of mine -- and just various girls and women I've known -- who've had more than average numbers of sexual partners, this is one thing that's been true in the VAST majority of cases: there's a pattern of *almost continuous* serial monogamy.

The take writer seems to have in mind an impression of eternal singledom, punctuated by random one-night-stands. I've known SOME women like that, but those women were mostly either
• VERY busy professionals who were constantly traveling,
or
• preferred women as sexual partners, but occasionally bedded men (or vice versa).

Otherwise, honestly, I'm convinced that the sort of thing that the take writer writes about just DOES NOT EXIST.

The next-closest thing probably would have been something like me when I was 20 years old or so. I didn't have a boyfriend... but, at any given point, I had one or more friends-with-benefits type relationships.
With that kind of situation -- especially considering the non-exclusivity, so there could be more than one such arrangement going on at any given time -- it seems pretty obvious that there's probably MORE sex happening, on average, than in yr average monogamous relationship. Especially because the people involved don't have families, kids, or particularly intense jobs.

So, yeah, no. The take writer is WAY the hell off. Lol lmao rotflmao.

[Asker]

I agree actually. All the really sexually active girks I know are usually in and out of relationships too. Why do you think those people don't just have a friends with benefits or hookup?

[redeyemindtricks]

Because the boyfriends tend to be the more aggressive and possessive type (lots of times, boyfriend number N has successfully stolen her away from boyfriend number N – 1), and, frankly, it would just be too much of a pain in the ass to constantly push away the possessiveness and try to relegate the boyfriend to a friends-with-benefits. So, the girl lets it ride. Speaking from experience here... As I wrote, I mostly *did* have "fuck buddies", but, I am also VERY blunt and VERY self-assured and VERY confident (and I have 4 brothers, who I knew would have my back in an absolute worst-case scenario). And honestly, even me, it took an *exhausting* amount of effort, at times, to keep boys from breathing down my damn neck every 10 minutes... and this was in the early-mid '90's, before people even really had cell phones. With all the leashes you can put on people nowadays (text, IM, "find friends" etc), I don't think the average girl would hold out for long.

[Asker]

I haven't had hookups yet but they seem way more drama free than relationships can be. I asked a question about cheaters on here, and when you mix the answers plus the replies on the mytakes about cheating, people have do much rage!!! I'd srsly be scared to cheat if I ever wanted to. But for the future I like the hookup idea. I could time when to fuck still using BC, and have sex on my least fertile days for added protection. Do you have any tips for dealing with fuckbuddies? I think dodging them would be easy since I could keep my info private. I barely have social media anyway lol so what was the most exhausting part for you when keeping F buddies away? How did they even find you over and over?

[redeyemindtricks]

Oh haha, I mean, nah, it was exhausting to draw the proverbial lines in the sand, and delineate their status as fuck-buddies-only. Even when they were supposedly OK with not being the titular boyfriend, guys were still REALLY fragile when it came to the idea that I might also be "seeing" other guys -- even in theory. It was... interesting. Even when they were OK with not being the "boyfriend" and even when they nodded their heads at "non exclusive"... they'd still flip their shit at the thought that *I* might be fucking around hahah. I dunno, in retrospect mb they had some one-sided concept of "non exclusive" that applied only to them? Yeah, good luck with that... It wasn't an issue of LITERALLY avoiding anyone, because, I mean, I wanted to fuck! A lot! And I didn't actually dislike these guys -- I just didn't want them as boyfriends. But it wasn't like "eww get yr stank ass outta here after yr done", lol.

[Asker]

I get it now lol. Guys can be a trip! I think if they were actually fucking other girls they wouldn't care but lots of guys like to pretend and brag.

[redeyemindtricks]

Perhaps, yeah. But, I'm historically good at reading people, and that kind of thing is usually pretty transparent. (When THAT kind of guy isn't getting laid... the thirst is real.) For others tho? Nah, a lot of guys just... don't share well. They were probably the same boys who hogged all the toys when they were five, too. (: In at least a couple cases, I could tell the guy wanted more than just a no-strings thing, too, and so *that* was the source of it (and I had to use my better judgment and walk from those ones). But, there absolutely are guys who just CANNOT DEAL with the actual conscious notion of a girl concurrently fucking another guy -- even if they *don't* see her as a relationship prospect. Wild world, huh.

[Bandit74]

Well aside from jealously and possessiveness which are often factors, isn't it also just safer to be exclusive? Because if one or both of you are fucking other people on the side it makes sense to me that it would increase the likelihood of someone catching something since certain things can be spread by skin to skin contact and may take a while to show up on tests. "there absolutely are guys who just CANNOT DEAL with the actual conscious notion of a girl concurrently fucking another guy -- even if they *don't* see her as a relationship prospect. Wild world, huh." Lol.. Yeah, thats me 😅

[redeyemindtricks]

@Bandit74 Yeah, of course that'd be "safer". It'd be safer still to not have casual sex at all. But, you and I are clearly not at the same equilibrium point on the thrill-chasing versus risk-aversion curve. You are probably the kind of person who wants to live to be 100 years old. I'd rather have fun and die at 50, than live a boring, conservative, risk-free life and live twice that long. And I still say this, even though 50 is less than ten years away for me. It is what it is.

[Asker]

Really? So why do you guys think guys can get so jelly? If they're fucking other girls then that proves they have skillz right? Or do they feel like they don't have skills all because one girl may be boning another guy? I don't think their jealousy means they care about her. It's just possesiveness like you said but I can't figure out why. @Bandit74 also dude

[Bandit74]

Well if you get tested and agree to be exclusive while you are seeing eachother I dont see how it is any riskier than a relationship :/ haha, yeah we probably aren't at the same point.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Bandit74 I mean, I can't explain this to you rationally, but... have you run a driving record check on every friend who's ever given you a ride? before eating at a restaurant, do you check the state health dept records to make sure no foodborne pathogen outbreaks have ever originated there? or do you just get in the car? or do you just go eat? hopefully you get the point I'm trying to make. one person's "reasonable precautions" are another person's "excessive worrying". for all the dirty slutty slutting around I did, I came away with only HPV, which is so common that almost ALL sexually active people have it (literally, like 90+ percent -- and lots of virgins, too, since even dry-humping can spread it). Other STI's are really not that scary, anyway, if you catch them early. The probability of getting AIDS from an exclusively heterosexual non-IV drug user is, and has always been, infinitesimal. The risks are greatly overstated.

[Asker]

I agree with you about the stds! But the risk of hsv2 has always freaked me out... any info on the chances of catching it? The statistics now seem to lump both versions of herpes together.

[Bandit74]

I get the point you're trying to make but I still think its worth getting tested/being exclusive and that you may be underestimating the risk a bit. Eating at a restaurant or letting a friend drive you home are more isolated. Having a fuck buddy arrangement where you are both fucking other people on the side without getting tested is more of an ongoing risk. Also I guess I don't really have that much of a desire to sleep with multiple people at the same time so to me it just isn't worth the risk. I would much rather just have one casual fling for a couple months and then end things if I find someone else. Also like you said some guys just dont like sharing :p You think its harder to find girls who want exclusive fwbs?

[redeyemindtricks]

If yr partner is infected with HSV2 and isn't showing symptoms, then, viral shedding would still be occurring about 10 percent of the time. Meaning that, in that situation, there's about a 10 percent chance that infection could occur at all (and that probability would be further reduced by things like condom usage -- although the virus could still be spread by kissing, oral, etc.) So, low probability unless yr partner is actually showing symptoms.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Bandit74 "You think its harder to find girls who want exclusive fwbs?" ^^ No, of course it isn't. That's much more common than the reverse -- and, of course, it's also MUCH more common to find girls who try to convert FWBs into an actual relationship, as ill-advised as that might be in most cases (although it isn't impossible). The difference is just that women don't have nearly as many mechanisms available to *compel* exclusivity. Once a guy becomes the titular "boyfriend", then exclusivity becomes an actual EXPECTATION (to varying degrees, depending on their social circle and so forth), the violation of which becomes "cheating". That's not a thing with FWBs, and so there are really only two forms of "enforcement" left: persistence and brute force.

[Bandit74]

Yeah for guys I sometimes thinks its a better strategy to just look for fwbs and then try and progress to relationships as you see fit rather than just looking for a relationship right out of the gate. Its potentially more flattering too because I think girls often have higher standards on things like looks and charm when it comes to fwbs. Like the bar on sexual attraction is set higher for fwbs than it is for you you to be her boyfriend.

[redeyemindtricks]

@Bandit74 Lol... funny you should say that, that was always my strategy back in the day. I've written this in other places on the site, but.. Most people date for a while, and, if dating goes well enough, they'll fuck. For me, if fucking went well enough, I'd consider dating the guy. (: Sexual compatibility is a very, very big thing -- and it's one of VERY few things you can't compensate for in yr friendships or professional relationships. So, especially if you have an overdrive libido, it only makes sense that you should establish compatibility in that area of yr relationship first, right out of the gate. It's true that two people can "grow into" each other TO A CERTAIN EXTENT... but only to a certain extent. And, just as lots of people are just shitty dance partners for each other, lots of people are also shitty sexual partners for each other, even if they aren't necessarily "bad in bed" (if there even *is* such a thing individually, which is questionable).

[Bandit74]

True but I feel like my reasons for thinking this way are different from yours. Yours seem to be based on having a high sex drive and being a thrill seeking person. Mine are more based on ego, pride, and leverage.

[Asker]

OMG Tyvm for the herpes shedding info. Unreal it's such a low risk!! Where did you get that info from or is it common and I just missed it? I agree about experimenting early sexually is better. I like your pov on things. If you don't experiment early there's all this tension there and if you like him, you'll end up fucking anyway. And not having sex in my experience doesn't stop the heartbreak, because if someone lies to you or never liked you and you find out... it hurts like hell whether you fuck them or not. I think it's an awful myth that not having sex protects you. Not having sex makes all the tension build up so if anything waiting, waiting makes you more addicted to him!!

[redeyemindtricks]

I remembered it, although googling it shows that those percentages are PER YEAR. So, that's a substantially lower risk than even I thought (although I don't know how often they're assuming sex is happening -- I could read the footnotes, but, I don't want to take the time to do that)
www.thestdproject.com/.../

and (which I think is taken from the same sources)
consults.blogs.nytimes.com/.../?_r=0

[redeyemindtricks]

@Bandit74 Leverage is a fair point. As for the other two -- If you can find a way to overcome the idea that life has a scoreboard, I suspect you'll become a much happier person.

[Bandit74]

Well I'll only end up sad if at the end of the game the scoreboard isn't to my liking. If I find a scenario that allows the scoreboard to be the way I want it I'll be happy. Its not impossible for things to end up the way I want them to. Harder, yes but not impossible. you're right tho, it probably would be easier to be happy if I didn't see things like that but I dont think its something I can change. The way I visualize things and overthink/replay things in my head reinforces it to the point I can't imagine myself not having this viewpoint.

[Asker]

TY for the links too. I love this new info.

[Asker]

So do you have any ideas on why guys can be so possessive even if they don't care about her? Especially if they have other girls that makes no sense to me why they'd feel that way @Bandit74 too

[redeyemindtricks]

Tx for the MH luv <3 I guess they just see her as "contaminated", which basically squares with what Bandit said in his comment thread. So, yeah.

[shadowlegend]

You're logic is that based on the number of sexual encounters alone (the slut with random guys and the girlfriend with her partner), the girlfriend has a higher risk of pregnancy based purely on the assumption she is having sex more. If we assume both are having unprotected sex, then yes, the girlfriend, having unprotected sex more often than the "slut", then she has a higher chance of getting pregnant. But when we include things like birth control, and at what point in their ovulation cycles they are having sex (maybe the girlfriend has sex heaps over the course of a week, and then doesn't for a few weeks), it's impossible to know who is at higher risk of pregnancy. But I follow the train of thought here.

[lovesCuddles]

Assuming the girl in a relationship (20 times a month), and the slut (20 times a year) both use the same protection... Then sure, the slut is less likely to get pregnant. lol just because she has less sex. Buttttttttttt an unplanned pregnancy in a relationship in my opinion is much better than an unplanned pregnancy resulting for a random hook up.

[Asker]

How is it better to be preg in a relationship? I doubt anyone our age can afford kids. I don't know anyone who can, anyway.

[Berethor]

Rising a child alone is harder, then rising it in relationship, a fear of having a children is really poor excuse for being a slut, but ironically it might be fitting for a woman that have a hard time of satisfying her man, and want to be free from that obligation.

[Asker]

@Berethor I'm saying if people our age can't afford kids, then she'll probably be alone or broke whether she was in a relationship or not. So she'd probably choose an abortion... but if she's having tons of sex in the relationship, she won't even know the date the conception happened. I just really thought the mytake owner had an interesting perspective.

[Berethor]

As if sluts are knowing there the conception happened, sluts barely know the guys names. A young and fertile girl don't need tons of sex to get pregnant, and a girl can only get pregnant once every nine months, in fact that's is one of the reasons why girls would be choosy and not slutty, so they would have a good father for their children.

tvtropes.org/.../MyGirlIsNotASlut

[hereiam___]

hey can u message me?:)

[BlueCoyote]

I despise the term "slut". I wish people could quit being so condescending just because somebody likes to be promiscuous. We don't live in the Victorian era anymore.
Having said that... no, I very much doubt that is true. Condoms and the pill are both extremely save means of contraception. People always tell me that a condom can rip etc. but honestly, my girlfriend and me used condoms for a couple of years and if you're not drunk beyond sanity or you're a complete idiot, it's really not that hard to put a condom on a penis without ripping it. You don't need a PhD to do it. So I don't really understand why anyone rips their condoms.

[Bandit74]

It makes sense to me but like others have said she is at a much higher risk for catching stds.

This logic is also why I dont think number of partners is a direct correlation to how good someone is in bed. A girl who has 8 partners has only had sex 8 times if they were all one night stands while a girl who has had one partner for a year has probably had sex more and gained more experience.

[Bandit74]

thanks

[Bandit74]

Why theyd feel that way... Well overall girls have a much easier time finding casual sex partners so she would probably be sleeping with a lot more people than the guy, which would make it kinda uneven. Then there's the increased std risk. Since Im kinda risk adverse that is a major factor for me preferring exclusivity. However, even if none of those other things I just mentioned were factors, I just don't like knowing that during the same period of time Im making out, giving oral and having sex with a girl, other guys are also putting their dicks into her too. Like knowing and visualizing that maybe a day ago or maybe even an hour ago she was blowing some other guy and had his juices in/on her just diminishes my attraction to her. Also Im not really the type who feels the need to juggle several different partners at once. Id rather have one and end things with her before switching to another.

[justbanANNAz]

... this logic is just so on point lmao!

dont you get that one one hand, a promiscuous woman is having sex with MULTIPLE PEOPLE while a woman in a relationship is have sex with ONE man? put the pregnancy thing aside, what about the risk of STD's?

and if imma be honest, if I'm in a relationship [a married one], i'm gonna be TRYING to get pregnant a few times.

[anonman32]

a few times only?

[justbanANNAz]

@anonman32 yeah i dont plan on getting pregnant every time i have sex tbh.

[Mustachekitteh]

Nope the chances are still high but might be higher for who ever is sleeping with the most.

[SarahsSummer]

Firstly, I don't use the S word and won't classify any other girls as such. My thinkng is girls in a relationship would be more likey to get pregnant than single girls out hooking up. Hopefully girls out hookung up all have/bring and use condoms whereas girls in relationships might more likey rely on the "pull out" method. for myself, once I got my boyfriend, I made him use condoms until I knew neither of us had an std then We just relied on the pill.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

As that doesn't sound as possible, my mother got pregnant easier when she was sleeping around rather than when she was in a serious relationship. but you also have to take in the fertility rate of the woman and the man and if their sex is unprotected etc.

[Berethor]

Maybe, but slut have much more chance to get STDs and to not know who is the father.

tvtropes.org/.../MyGirlIsNotASlut

[Asker]

It's true the std risk is worse, but I don't think most people our age have enough $ or support to ahve kids, or even to afford an abortion.

[Berethor]

There is almost always a way, and is better to be a nun, then being a slut. Even if a slut is having less sex year, and not all slut saving less sex a year, the risk of getting pregnant is still high, hell there is even an risk of getting pregnant even from having sex "only" one time.

[Asker]

Totally true. But that same risk is there in a relationship.

[Berethor]

It's easier to rise children together, and at least the children would not be an bastards.

[Asker]

I don't know why you sued that word. But the couple could split, or both could decide to have an abortion since they can't afford a kid.

[Berethor]

Yes unlucky couple could split, but there are not going for it from the beginning unlike sluts. Yes they could decide to have an abortion, and they can decide to use condoms.

[markscott]

The same goes for me, as with women. They have more sex if they are in a relationship. And women who have a lot of different men, are more likely to get and STD that can make her sterile. So, the combination of less sex, and more likely sterile, means women who sleep around a lot are less likely to get pregnant.

[LittleMissCuriousity]

Well, women who aren't in a relationship and are seeking hookups will also probably going to be using birth control and condoms (to prevent both pregnancy and STDs). Women in relationships may choose not to use condoms as a way of feeling closer to their partners.

[DocHolliday904]

so, enjoying sex but fearing commitment (to what could be a horrid choice) makes you a slut? I think it makes you liberated...

also, not to get into the actual science and math of it... but the guy who posted sounds like his dad (who knew dog shit about actual human reproduction) explained it to him

[SillyMilly]

True, plus these days a lot of people in relationships don't use condoms after awhile, considering you know the person and trust them enough to not be afraid to catch anything.

[TaureanBull81]

I think the pregnancy risk remains the same whether a woman is having casual sex with multiple partners or in a serious relationship because it'll only take one guy who is very potent and fertile to knock her up 😉👌

[Nice_Guy_Last]

Yeah, with my fiance,

[Nice_Guy_Last]

I have sex at least once a week. Once is the amount of times I had sex outside of a relationship. So, yeah, more likely to get pregnant in relationships.

[slimstiffy]

YeAn thats true but they have much higher rates for stds and the pregnancy ruining them and leading to single mommery.
Stable relationships are better for pregnancies to happen.

[Asker]

But why is a relationship better for babies? Everyone my age range I know including me is basically broke. I'd have to get an abortion if I get pregnant whether I had a boyfriend or not.

[slimstiffy]

Because in a relationship there are two people around to lool after and care for a baby, plus a child needs a mom and a dad for optimal mental and emotional growth.. As much as single parents won't admit it its true... Just the fact that 80% of prisin inmates come from single mom households confirms that a lack of a complete family can be disastrous at worst...

[Asker]

They'd probably break up or get an abortion was my point. Lots of kids in prison came from severe poverty and abusr so having broke parents doesn't help anyone if you ask me. I read before that actually half of inmates come from two parents and the first statistic is a myth. Two psrents doesn't mean you won't be in even severe poverty. But I really think for people our age kids are way too expensive. I've heard many people in prison are there for drugs. Lots of people have to resort to selling drugs to survive.

[slimstiffy]

Yeah definitely poverty is a factor as well. But i was talking about the emotional aspect of having to parents. Yes parents can break up, but the likely hood of having two parents is higher than if its a child birn via just a hookup or a fling. I know that kids who come from atabke families that behave quite bad and kids from single parent homes that are quite well actually. But very often its bad for a child to lack one parent. Im glad both my oarents were there for me and were ( and are) together, all my life. I dont think at a young, tender age, or even now, i could handle them being separated. But yes you are right, we are too youg to have kids. I will only have kids after marriage and i will only be married once i have a stable job and income. Also im against abortion, so id advice for protected sex rather than aborting. But thats my opinion...

[Asker]

I actually think it's a shame kids are so expensive. If they weren't I'd like to have them way sooner. But I guess they're the number one target market for companies.

[slimstiffy]

Well.. there's no way around it. The little cherubs will drain your wallet :-D

[anonman32]

i think it would be better not to have a kid when you dont know who the father is...

[rockrewls]

Probably, although the std factor would probably scale on the relationship side, as you are only with one partner in general.

[ShexStarh]

You might be on to something dude did you think of this when you was high in Amsterdam

[Anonymous]

WHENEVER you have sex, protected, not protected, long term relationship, short term relationship, whatever it is, WHENEVER you have sex, you're basically saying "lets make a baby"

Most animals, don't stay with each other, when they reproduce. There are some who do, but, most, don't.

So, when we have sex, we're literally saying to each other, I want to make a baby, whether it be on "accident" or on purpose

[Anonymous]

These questions are so crazy and exceptions to the rule pointed out that an intelligent answer would be rejected. You write nothings guaranteed including an answer that would be acceptable to you. This is stupidity at its height

[Anonymous]

I disagree, if you have a partner you probably use birth control and have lots of trust... and if something goes wrong, you can get plan b or something...

You won't get an std this way either...

Hooking up, the girl could say she is on the pill, the guys condom could fall off and he could run away, he might do you when you are half asleep and STD risk is very high...

[Anonymous]

girl girl... listen to me... most guys here are pervs who can't get women
they will say ANYTHING to make girls put out more (including that stupid take)

no... just no