Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
There is no point in educating you, you'll only get as smart as a girl can get
These words have resonated since my mom told me my grandparents told her when she was little and cried and begged to go to school. They adamantly refused, so she never was educated formally. She's self taught.
I will admit, I have penis envy!
It was much worse when I was younger, but it still lingers as an adult. What is Penis Envy? Well, it's that Freudian thought that girls are jealous of a penis. It is more convenient: urination, orgasm, masturbation, etc. But my penis envy goes beyond just jealous of a penis, I wanted to be born a boy. And no, I am not trans; I do not "feel" like a boy trapped in a girl's body, I just wanted to be born a boy since I could remember.
Males in the Family
Anyone who knows anything about Latino, and especially Mexican, communities, is aware that men are often the "prized" gender. Machismo means that boys are celebrated and cared for, while girls are often just seen as support roles.
This was very evident on how my grandparents treated my mom. They did not want her educated, and since they were in Mexico, her education wasn't mandatory. So they sent off her brothers to school, but vehemently denied my mom. Her parents would get angry when she sneaked their books to learn - they believed it would be wasted on her since she was a female, she should focus all that energy into becoming a good wife.
Now, I understand why my mom favors her sons. I don't condone it, but I get it. It's a long standing tradition that the support goes to men. My mom has clear favorite children, and yes, they are my brothers, though she insists that they're not. My dad also has favorites.
When I was 10, I remember my 5 year old brother throwing a frozen soda can right at my eye simply because he was "bored". It hurt like hell, I had a bruise and I cried. I yelled at him and I smacked him, and my parents got mad at me.
I also remember when I had rushed home from work and having to use the bathroom. For some reason, my family just loves to wait until the last minute to use the bathroom - all my brothers got up. So I told them I would go since 1. I was the one paying the rent, 2. I just came from work, they were lounging around watching tv all day, and 3. my bladder was in pain. But my mom came and told me to let them all go first. Why? Because they're boys, and she said it's more harmful for men to hold urine than women. (I looked it up, no, it's harmful for both).
Another time is when I came home from work and school, expecting a nice meal (since I bought the groceries and had little free time). Nope. My mom gave all the food to my older brother, who was an unemployed drug user and basically mooching off me. I asked why she didn't save me any, and she said because he was hungry.
She would also tell me to serve them. I'd come home late from school and/or work, just lay down on my bed and wind down. While they spent the whole day smoking pot, yet she would yell at me to serve them.I'd argued with her. I told her I was exhausted from work and they literally did nothing that day, and it was unfair. And she responded with "life isn't fair, a woman is never truly done working. Now go serve your brothers."
And no, it isn't just my immediate family. I always HATED family parties. I never understood why a 10 year old "guest" (along female relatives regardless of age), was expected to serve my grown brothers, uncles, male cousins etc. I would always respond with "unless their legs are broken or they're paralyzed, they can get their own plate/drink like me". All my aunts were mortified "You'll never find a husband that way. Men want a woman who serves them." And I'd always retort with some shit like, "Well, I guess I don't want to be married then." Or "I don't wan to be with a man who expects me to serve him all the time." And my parents would wonder why I always hated going to family parties.
Many of y'all are probably thinking "well, girls have it so much better in society!" Not really, or not all the time. I will concede that women do have certain privileges like automatic parental status, more likely to be granted custody, divorce etc. But, I don't have kids, I'm not married and I don't plan on getting divorced when I get married. I've never been "hypergamous", as all the men I've been in relationships with, I've made more money.
Anyhow, I do have the disadvantages of being a female in society though. This isn't a "woe is me", but let's not pretend that women's lives are glamorous in the world because of aforementioned privileges. I've been victim to child abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, negligence, domestic violence, stalking, harassment, etc. None of these were because of gender solely, but it did contribute. I am a short, relatively slim woman. I'm only 4'11, about 125lbs. (~150cm, ~56kg). I am not difficult to overpower. I've had men grope me in public. I've had men follow me. I've had coworkers sexually harass me, and no, it's not as easy to get fired someone over this (contrary to popular belief).
I have asked men and women, and I see that men are not as not likely to be sexually harassed as women are. And for now, stats support this. Yes, I know that men probably are not reporting their harassment, but many women aren't either. So I can only conclude off the data we have now. I do think everyone should report it immediately, but I understand if they don't.
Men and women are not always 100% equal in society, and we're not treated the same. I can accept this, I don't know why some men get so upset when they can't accept that some issues just affect us more. Although I ask men out and pay for dates, men are more likely to feel it's true pressures because that's just how society is for now. These are male issues I'll likely never be able to fully understand or be affected by. Yes, men get sexually assaulted, men get raped, men get sexually harassed, but for now, the stats show that it's more affecting women.
Just recently, I was having a jog and some guy kept following and trying to talk to me. The youngest I've been hit on, by grown men, is 12. Many men don't get unwanted attention on a yearly basis, and not as young as kids. So please, accept that you can't fully understand an issue that you don't have to face as much or as often. You don't have to be personally affected by an issue to sympathize with its victims.
Men have made lewd comments to me since I was a preteen. No, I wasn't an early bloomer, I'm still an A cup. People have always said I look young. Also, I don't dress "slutty". A common thing I also hear from men is "maybe you shouldn't dress like a slut and men won't treat you like a slut." I was a tomboy for most of my life, I wear purposely baggy clothing. I'm a small in shirts, and small/medium in pants. But I often wear large or even XL shirts and large pants. I've even had jobs complain and tell me to dress in proper sizing. I don't like to show off my figure. I will admit that there is less sexual harassment when you wear baggy clothes, but then you have the physical harassment threats because I live in Chicago and they mistake you for gangs.
I either face sexual harassment by dressing like a girl, or physical harassment threats by dressing in baggy clothes being mistaken as boy in a gang apparently. Every color combination with black, blue, red, and white is gang combination in Chicago, and what's ok in one block, is the rivals in the next block. So unless you want to dress in like all orange, (all black and all white are also other gangs), then you risk being mistaken for a gang member. And it's really hard to avoid those streets because gangs are fucking everywhere. I didn't have the money to move out of those hoods nor a car, so this was my life for a few years.
You don't have to be personally affected by an issue to sympathize with its victims.
Unironically, #NotAllMen
Please don't think I equate every man to being the disgusting pervs on the streets, or violent assholes. I've met much more decent or good men than disgusting ones, more interactions with men have been positive and I'm grateful for that. I just want y'all to be aware that I've had many more negative interactions with men, than with women. This doesn't mean women are angels, there are vile women out there. Please don't get defensive and think that these select few men represent all or even most men, I made this assumption before, and it only led to worse interactions with men.
Feminist for the Wrong Reasons
So, from what you read so far, (kudos for getting this far,) you must think I hate men. And you would've been right, a few years ago. I did hate men, a lot. Although not all men were subjecting me or my family to abuse, many were that I grew to fear them. I hated men, I didn't trust them. From my dad nearly killing my mom in front of us, to my coworker stalking me, to the sexual abuse relatives put my siblings and I as children, men were the ones behind it and I felt that even friends and family couldn't be trusted. And I found a movement that unintentionally embraced that. Feminism.
I was a feminist for a while, don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing most of what they do, I just personally don't think it's necessary in the West.
I was a feminist for the wrong reasons, because many of them also hated men. Not all, but enough that I was able to feel safe expressing my twisted ideas. I thought, however, that feminism would embrace femininity, but it didn't. I was excited to find a place where I could be empowered as female, because I had been made felt powerless for so long, I yearned for it. But they empowered women through making us more like men. It was disappointing.
Femininity isn't embraced. If you consume enough media, you know what I mean. Yes, there are "women" heroes, but they are basically men with vaginas. They often make them violent, stoic, etc. and they're reduced to men with vaginas and boobs. They're written with manly characteristics but lazily as labeled "females" in attempt to appease us. (If anyone knows any media where the heroine embraces feminine characteristics like nurturing, let me know.)
Another tactic they use is weakening the male characters. Characters like Marge and Homer Simpson- she is obviously smart and attractive, while he's fat, lazy and dumb. They pit the "best" of women with the "worse" of men, and try to pass that as empowerment. It isn't a fair comparison/fight many times when they're using the best of women vs the worst of men, It's not empowerment, it's patronizing. I don't want to be "uplifted" by bringing men down. I feel that many social issues are treated this way. It's not empowering Latinos or POC by bringing white people down, it's not empowering poor people by bringing rich people down, and it certainly isn't empowering women by bringing men down. We can and should embrace the masculine as well as the feminine.
This isn't to say, however, that women should only be reduced to nurturing, caring, homemaking attributes. As I mentioned before, don't reduce me to a housewife, I don't mind helping with chores, but I am capable of doing more than housework. I'm not saying that stay at home moms is easy work or isn't respectable, but I'm saying that isn't for me, at least not long term. I know many of y'all are gonna say, "well, it's only the left who doesn't value femininity!" But that isn't true. How many people use the "go back to the kitchen" or "make me a sandwich" as a derogatory insult to bash women? I can tell you this, it's mostly right leaning folks who say this. Using housework as an insult against women doesn't seem like it is valued.
It isn't a fair comparison/fight many times when they're using the best of women vs the worst of men, It's not empowerment, it's patronizing.
Dealing Now
I still have residual fear sometimes that manifests itself even when I'm with my sweet, amazing, caring boyfriend. I still flinch every time he raises his hand, he'll never hit me and I know that, but I do it without noticing and it makes him feel bad. And I try to stop it, but it's a reflex at this point. He knows my past, he knows that I love and trust him and it's just a reflex that will hopefully go away.
I want to overcome this seemingly innate inferiority that has been instilled in me for a long time. It's hard to even admit because many people will say "sexism doesn't exist!" And I've even asked on here, what value do women have? It seems like society was built by men while we were on the sidelines. And I know that many people will say don't be so hung up on "identity politics" or whatever, but it isn't as easy I thought it'd be. I don't want my future daughters to feel inferior in society and life as I've had. I don't want my future sons to feel that way either. I don't know where to look for answers, this take was more of a vent session to let y'all know how I feel and have always felt. Why do I want to be something I hated for so long? I don't know, I guess I'd like to see how it is on the other side.
This is probably why I studied and work so hard. Because I want to show, at least to my family and community, that women aren't just passive support roles.
You'll only get as smart as a girl can get
What Girls & Guys Said
14 61From what I can see there aren't many men or women who have half the value you do. You're an amazing, tough, self aware, capable woman.
Great take. I guess I've also had penis envy all my life due to the treatment of women in my extended family.
At family parties, my paternal grandfather would always take pics with his whole family (grandkids included) and then separately, pics of him and his sons only.
Once I noticed that, it was easy to spot everything else that was going wrong in this family. His daughters weren't regularly physically abused, "just" ignored for most of their lives.
As a kid, I didn't see that, because he always loved to see us and gave us girls gifts and his attention. I only felt that some of my younger aunts seemed to hate me. It's probably because they'd thought or were taught he just didn't like girls, which is why he ignored them, but then seeing how much he cared about me and my sis, they realised it was a lie and it must have hurt.. a lot.
Good take
Im gonna be honest, I stopped reading after the 3rd or 4th paragraph.
You should not be envious of having a dick. You have no idea what it's like to have one. You know how hard it is to find a bra? Well imagine looking for one that goes around your crotch. It moves on its own and gets sweaty. It's not all fun and games.
Men do not have it easier in life, in fact, they have it harder. In several areas at least.
You should've kept reading before making those comments, I've addressed your points in the take.
After reading I think the problem isn't society your family. And no, you didn't address any of the points I mentioned.
Sounds like just Mexican gender culture sucks. You should never feel disappointed to be a woman, just move to a better country and let real men show you how much women are appreciated and prized.
Hello thank you for sharing such a interesting and well written MyTake
i appreciate you sharing your information and sorry what life caused
for you i do believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and i hope
many Blessings come your way! Best Wishes in all you do :):)
Girl's learn just as much, if not more, than boys!! Anybody that says otherwise don't know their hole from an ass in the ground!!
Males may be prized, but WHERE do they come from? FEMALES!!!
Sounds more to me like you have culture envy! If you were born in America, Canada, England or quite a few other countries, you wouldn't be treated that way just because you don't have a dick. Mexico sounds like a VERY sexist place to live!! Any culture that'd treat their girls/women like they are nothing more than baby factories is NOT a good place to live!! it's also counter-productive to their very existence!! There are middle eastern countries where a new-born baby girl is killed JUST because she wasn't born with a dick!! So, I guess it's perfectly fine for them to kill everyone that can MAKE more men?
As for the physical end of having a dick, it's not all that wonderful. I can teach you how to pee standing up! As far as masturbation, you're good for one shot, maybe two and you're done for a good while! Convenience: try sitting on your balks once in a while or having to worry about doing so in certain situations. Also, try finding a girlfriend!! Guys go through a LOT just to get a girl to LIKE them!! All a girl has to do for guys to like them is walk into an area where guys are! Trust me, except for your cultural shit, you got the better end of the deal!!
I was born in the US. But my family came from Mexico, and brought their culture with them.
A penis isn't as grand as you think it is. It comes with its own problems, and it just looks fuckin' weird.
Interesting
What a great take! You're so smart, insightful and analytic. I think all those things you experienced made you a stronger and a more deliberate person you are, I just wish that reflex you have when your boyfriend lifts his hand would disappear, I think you can work on that and maybe even take a session or two at a therapist, maybe you could even go somewhere in the boxing studio and spar with guys once a week and I am sure your reflex would disappear and you would feel much more relaxed. I am sorry for everything you have experienced that is bad, this world for some can be a really bad place, but I am glad you recognized that going to another extreme and hate men and all those things you mentioned about feminism and all. Wish you all the best really because you are so smart and cool!!
This was a great my Take imo!
Thank you, I appreciate all your feedback. I guess I can try sparring. I've been wanting to take self defense classes. I don;t wanna paint feminism as a horrible thing. I just know that the feminists I interacted with only reinforced my hatred of men, but didn't provide much solace for being a woman. Thank you again :)
You are most welcome! I think anything from sparring to training martial arts of any kind, as long as you do it with men, should take down that reflex, not that you can't do it with women as well. Have a nice day/evening :)
What's even worse? I'm Asian, I have one but it barely is a "one" HAHAHA
It’s ok dude
I don't understand
@BuchitaBuchys It's a "size" joke :)
@laurieluvsit lol oh wow
Sexism REALLY exists. All over the world
TLDR. Now you're just making up shit to be concerned about. Just be the very best YOU that YOU can be.
And even if they put a penis on you, you still would not be a man. There's more to it than just the dick.
sounds like you need to live in my family... 4 girls and 1 boy
Pretty much everything that happened to you happened to me with my sister and mother. My mother favored my sister and thought i was nothing but trouble. My sister is 5 years older than me and i had to do whatever she said or she kicked me slapped me. My mother told me I must have done something to deserve it. My sister would come in my room and grab me by my shirt and pulled me around like i was a dog. She sexually abused me to.
Are you 15? Did you report her?
I agree and really like this take!!!
Thank you for sharing your story it was very well written and interesting.
*thumbs up*
I wish you swift recovery from all these traumas. It's awful. I've been in kind of reverse role myself in your position but not as extreme as you.
I just want to point one thing out when you say you wish you were born a boy: The suicide rates of men is quad times as high. If that doesn't tell you about our mortality factor and happiness (or lack thereof), then i don't know what will.
That's all. No hidden messages whatsoever.
Sometimes i also wish i was born a woman just so i could have easier time getting laid. But i mitigated that and now i don't care anymore. That's just me.
So i can clearly see where you're coming from.
I'll write another comment tomorrow, I'm falling asleep as I write this, lmao.
I'm not Hispanic, but Mediterranean cultures have similar "nuances". My mother's side of the family is Italian. When I first moved out years ago into my first apartment, I told my mom in a passing conversation that I was doing laundry. She asked, "You got a washer and dryer?" So I said, "No, I had to purchase an access money card to the laundry room." My mom flipped out, saying, "You're going to wash your clothes where strangers wash their clothes? What's wrong with you? No, you bring them here." So I sort of get what you're saying. It's similar, but different.
Mothers do love to care for their kids. And I hope I didn't paint her in this horrible light because she does help and care for me and my sisters too. But there is definitely a difference on how the men are treated and women. Definitely we are raised to believe that men need more support though.
Horrible light? No not at all. I was just sharing my sort-of similar experience. 👍 Man need support? Yep that's us! 😂 Pampering? No way. I agree with you... that's over the top. I just want to scratch myself in public and not be judged. LOL
I vaguely remember you were a bit on the misandrist side , but not a full on #KillAllMen nutcase either , then you turned the corner away from the " dark side " and became balanced and much more positive . Now I understand why , also my ex wife , Southern Italian parentage , but born and bred here in the UK , was also treated very differently to her 3 brothers , and had much more restriction placed on her , Italian culture , being Latin , closely related language, and Catholic , will have strong similarities to Mexican. A great , balanced take and a good read and agree , shit flies in all directions in life , and different bits of shit , hit different types of people , we all have different crosses to bear.