Long distance boyfriend wants sex with others?

[Anonymous]

So I've been together with my long distance boyfriend for a year now. The last time we saw each other in person was 3 months ago and we live in different countries...different continents so its just impossible and costly to travel constantly due to school commitments and money. I know for a fact that he has a high sex drive. The no sex and the long distance has been very difficult for him as it is for me but I think it affects him more. We had a discussion about him wanting to have sex with others just to get it out of his system. He said that it'll be nothing more but sex with these other people. I really want to help him out but seems this is the only way. But he's worried that I'll hold a grudge against him and he doesn't want to hurt me. Now I'm really confused. I tell him that I'll be okay and fine but now that I think about it...I don't know how I'll react in the future. And now I think I'll be constantly worried about what he's doing when he's not talking to me. I don't want to be that person, I don't want to be the crazy paranoid girlfriend who always has to check up on what her boyfriend is doing. Now I'm contemplating on whether we should have a break...Or maybe a real break up. there's a saying: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was" is that true? I don't want to make a mistake and lose him.

[spookiedee]

Facts of the matter are you probably won't be able to just 'forget' about it if it happens. You may not 'blame' him for doing it, but you will always think about it in the back of your mind.

You focus a lot on him in your question, but don't really talk about what you want; do you also want to have sex with others? and if so, is he/could he be okay with that?

I once broke up with a long time girlfriend for six months before getting bck together. During those six months I slept around a bit, while she barely even kissed any one else. When we got back together I told her about the girls I had slept with during the over past six months, and although she wasn't upset about me sleeping around it was obvious that it bothered her (she would occasionally belittle the women if they came up in conversation).

I don't know your personal situation, but if you are young and have no real tangible commitments (house, kids, dog, something?) to this guy, then why suffer through the uncertainty? I know you probably feel strongly about him but you gotta look out for numero uno, and you sitting at home wondering if the last fling was more than a fling isn't really something to look forward to.

[Asker]

I've thought about doing it with other people but really I don't think I would. and I tell myself that him sleeping with others won't bother me but now that I've had time to think it through...I was just kidding myself :( The fact that I offered it to him as an option and he took it and agreed to it really did hurt. I've already told him that I'm alright with it but now I want to take it back...not sure how to do that or whether I should just break it off.

[JohnWhilkins]

You both have sexual needs. These are all just important as your emotional bonds and the overall focus of the relationship. If one of these 3 are not fulfilled it's impossible for it to work. I'd say get in there and talk about how you both love each-other but both need something that could work, talk about what you both need and make sure that after you break up you'll have the support of the other wanting you to find a better mate.

Best of luck! Hope you got something out of this that you feel is applicable

/M

[PoeticNinja]

Don't kid yourself. He wants to be out having sex with other people.

Will you be on his mind? No. He'll be too busy pleasuring another woman and satisfying himself. While you're at work/home with all this running through your mind.

That quote does not fit your situation. let them free to have sex... Then, they come back? That's not how it works. - Once he has sex, he's going to realize how much he misses it.

Two different Continents - One partner with a high sex drive...

Imagine the conversation - You ask about his day and he tells you he had sex... While, you didn't and actually being faithful to him and having a strong self control/will power than him.

You won't be okay with it but keep telling yourself that if you want.

Conclusion - Break up for good.

[martyfellow]

I think it's time to put that saying into practice and set both of you free. Break up, in other words.

This sort of pre-aduthorized fooling around is not going to work out. It will create distrust and resentment, and why? Woludn't it be better just to become long distance friends, for now? So whatever he's doing, it's not part of your relationship any longer?

[Anonymous]

This is why LDR's don't work.

Guys need sex.

You should probably just break up.

[Anonymous]

Just break up, or else your in one ugly messy retarded relationship.