Maybe what's wrong with you... is what's RIGHT with you

If you are: A virgin, gay, child-free, religious or non-religious, too short, overweight, or have any alt lifestyle or any unusual traits that make you feel as though you are different and no one will accept or understand, this myTake is for you.

Anyone who is feeling distraught over things that they are afraid to be naturally, or things that are tough to change (such as weight loss) should know that there are people like me who understand that there is nothing wrong with you for the way you are either naturally or the choices that you make to be who you are.

Years ago, I felt very down about not having children. I knew I didn't want them, but in my mid-30s was starting to become hounded by friends, family, and even strangers about "hurrying up" to have children, as if I was this oddity or a freak of nature for not following social expectations. When I confided in a Buddhist friend about this, I asked, what's wrong with me, he immediately changed course and asked, "What's right with you?" I thought this was very inspiring!

I am not alone when I say I support people who choose to, or have qualities or traits that one either cannot change, won't change, or are proud to be - but still feel the need to be closeted or feel badly because of societal pressures to be what some people think is 'normal'. Many of us are out there, but quietly and liberally accept, while those who are your obstacles usually bark the loudest. Maybe we should speak a little louder to show that acceptance is actually in great numbers.

I know I can't cover them all, but I'll try with the most common.

Maybe what's wrong with you... is what's RIGHT with you

Auntie Ozanne's List of What's Right with You

1. You're a virgin. Well, guess what? So was I, once. So was everyone. Being a virgin means you either hold your sexual experience with virtue and are waiting by choice, or you simply haven't met someone yet to let it go. This is hardly something to be ashamed of, or afraid to tell your first lover. You are worth being loved and probably already are. Virginity is not an embarassment. It does not define who you are as a person. It's private, and no one but you can make it a good or bad thing in your life. Those who joke or bully you about it have likely had bad sexual experiences and just want to share their misery with someone whereas you have not, so in this respect, you are probably envied for not having had gone through that. You shouldn't let pressure from others allow you to make a foolish mistake just to be accepted by people who don't care and have no business running your sex life.

2. You're gay. So the family doesn't know, and your friends of the same gender make gay jokes making you afraid to tell anyone. You might have already sensed that it will be time to make a decision to take inventory on your social life and find a better crowd of friends, more accepting people who aren't going to care. This part makes you sad and you'll grieve the loss. But what if they don't? By not revealing what truly makes you happy denies them the opportunity to show you their support. Your sexuality is yours to disclose, but to me, and others who are liberal, it's your sex life that is absolutely no one's business. Knowing my friends are gay excludes embarassing assumptions that I might have the perfect girl for someone when my guy friend is gay and clearly won't be interested. Being gay is not wrong. It's part of who you are, just as other traits and abilities make up you. This is not your entire self, it's just one part of you. Finding attraction and feeling love for others is not a bad thing, no matter which gender is prefered.

3. You're child-free. This is especially for women who have no children and maybe no desire to have them at all. Throughout my entire fertile years I tried to defend my decision to be child-free. Note: I say child-free, not childless. When asked, "Why don't you have kids?" I'd counter-ask, "Well, why do you have them?" It's a stupid question to ask someone child-free, treading on too-personal. People are too ignorant to know if medical reasons keep you from having them, or if you are simply not interested which creates discussion on how you should be counselled. "Maybe you can adopt," or, "You'll want them one day." Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. This is what's wrong - not your decision to prevent any more overpopulation problems and a sucker on the planet's resources. Children are a joy - for some, but not you, and there's nothing wrong with this.

4. You have a birthmark. This goes for any physical trait that is widely viewed as unpopular, or perceived as being 'wrong'. Being overweight, too skinny, too short, too tall, small breasts, small penis, big nose, no hair. Anything that is either impossible to change or would take a lot of effort to change all to impress those who are being terrible to you about it in the first place. Do you really need these people's validation after being insulted? No. Most people have a physical uniqueness that sets them apart from others. Time to stop fretting over what people scream about, even citing that they 'worry for your health'. It's a cop out to be rude. Every single person has to worry about their health and you can bet they wouldn't like it if you pointed out that their smoking, for example, was also an issue! The way you look gives you the right to be different and embrace it. There is really no other you out there. That's what's right with you.

5. You engage in different practices. This category is for those who enjoy an alt lifestyle or choose to have some sort of faith or enjoy an activity in something that is not understood simply because not many others do what you do. Many things can be perceived as dangerous, such as joining a cult - and for these reasons, it is understandable why family and friends would be concerned. If you are losing every part of yourself to take part in an activity, then this sort of addiction for acceptance in a small group might be harmful. You may want to decide if the activity truly does have the possibilty to be cause for alarm. If not, and you're just afraid to tell your family that you're now Wiccan for example, remember that private activities are just that: private. Being involved with groups also does not define your personality and who you are, it just speaks to you as something you enjoy being part of. You're very capable of meeting friends from different groups and not confining to one group only. Be universal and accepting of others if you expect this sort of respect back. Again, nothing wrong with your choices, granted you are safe and not harming yourself or others or doing something illegal. Just because it might not be a path for someone else, at least this way you can truly say that you are doing nothing wrong.

Maybe what's wrong with you... is what's RIGHT with you
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can relate to 1 and 4. I'm still a virgin at 28 and I am ugly. Although there are likely some positives to being a virgin, what positives are there to being ugly? And this isn't just low self-esteem talking, and yes I do have low self-esteem. It's people telling me that I am ugly. I know I should stop caring about the fact that they tell me that, but it doesn't make it less hurtful to hear it every time, especially after all these years. When I was in High School, I got through it because I believed once I was an adult I wouldn't have to put up with insensitive people. I was so very wrong, and I can tell you that adults are a lot more rude about it then anyone I encountered in High School, and that is kind of sad when you think about it. We as adults should be teaching kids that bullying is wrong, and yet we do it to each other. Someone who I used to work with used to complain about her son was bullied everyday in school, and it was heartbreaking for her. She was one of the people who liked to bully me about my looks.

Most Helpful Guy

  • The key is not to let yourself get (too) upset by what other people think. Posting on GAG how people should accept everything about everyone is idealistic, but far from realistic.

    People judge, they always do. Yes really, that won't ever change. So my advice is: Do whatever you want and learn to strategically not give a shit. Strategically, because sometimes it can be very good and helpful to listen to what other people think about you! You really don't want to become so full of yourself that you cannot reflect on your own actions anymore.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 4
  • Good take. From my experience, at least with my generation, hardly anyone does care what you do as long as you are away from the small town or high school mindset. We are getting away from the model of normativity, and realizing that no one is normal in every category. Not saying people don't judge, but they are less likely to force that judgement upon others. Well, unless they are activists, politicians, or just plain nosy.

  • I totally related to #3! Thanks for writing, Auntie Ozanne! :)

    • You're welcome, and nice to see I have something in common with someone from #3. When I was about eight years old I already knew I'd never have them. As I aged, I became more confident that it was becoming a decision, not something by chance. More years go by and after a lot of reading on being child-free I realized that there is nothing to be defensive of in our choice, and it is actually a sensible, good choice to make. Not for everyone, but definitely by no means, anything wrong with that choice.

    • Well that's comforted me. :) I still get a lot of backlash for it so I try to keep it quiet, which I shouldn't have to in the 21st century!

  • I love this:) Keep up the good work🌹

  • Your take is great!
    I can relate to two of the things you mentioned. And now, I feel better with myself and I know what I'm going to tell to people.

    Thank you for sharing this :)

  • While I don't relate to any of the above points but indirectly everybody can relate to this article as the message is universally legit.
    Good work again, Auntie Ozanne. 😊

    • Thanks, Ex. :)

  • Everyone needs to read this

  • totally relate to #4 and #1. i am a 17 year old who is a virgin and i have a mole under my left eye. i for years, used to use lightening creams until i realized my idol, Marilyn Monroe used makeup to fake a mole and i thought, if Marilyn is trying to fake one, i should embrace that i have one naturally so i started emphasizing it but recently i found out, that during the Salem witch trials if you had any moles, you most definitely were a witch. Yikes.

    • Honestly, during the Burning Times, any excuse to kill a woman was being used. It was a big scam to collect off of her land and take away her assets, especially those who were widows where they had much to gain. Moles are unique and often times sexy. Cindy Crawford is proof of what she found totally annoying growing up to be her biggest selling point as a model.

  • Can relate to #1 and #5, possibly even #4 (haven't decided if I want kids yet). If I decide to have kids it will be for me and not because I feel pressured to follow social norms. Thanks!

  • Can't all this be solved by not giving a shit what other people think?

    • Sure it could but most people care what other think

  • Yea you're right but here's the thing, being wrong or right is not what counts. What counts is if you are accepted by people or not. So as long as you're not accepted, there's no point in being right.

  • Number could be due to the fact that u can't lose it, just sayin