Mom is disappointed I had sex. Help?

[Anonymous]

When I went home for Thanksgiving break I told my mom that I wanted to go on brith control. Yesterday she flat out asked me if I was sexually active, I told her yes. ( even though it was one time) She told me that she was disappointed in me but I am an adult and I make my own decisions. I really don't see the big point about it. I'm 19 in college and I'm keeping my grades up. When I was 15 going on 16 my grandmother thought she found a condom under my bed but it was just glasses cleaner ( my grandmas blind in one eye). I was grounded for the whole summer. But when my parents found an actual condom on my 13 year old brothers room, they didn't do anything to him. ( this happened earlier this year) . I'm going home on the 12th after exams and I feel that she won't look at me the same. I was honestly ok with losing my v card. I lost it August to an old boyfriend I dated in 2012 who was my 1st kiss. I didn't like the sex at the time b/c it was too painful. I want to do it again next year which is why I want to go in brith control. How do I cope with my mom being disappointed in me? P. s I know for a fact I wasn't going to wait till I was married. I don't plan on getting married till I'm at least 28-29. I want to make sure I have my career and life set before I begin to share it with someone else.

[AustinMan]

Your mom needs a reality check. I promise her sexual history isn't pristine. When my daughter wanted to move in with her boyfriend, my ex blew a gasket. I quietly told my daughter, "Your mom and I lived together for 18 months before we got married." The look on her face was priceless. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when my daughter rolled that nuclear grenade across the room.

[martyfellow]

Double standards die very hard. You can't win an argument about this, so don't try. Just try to be nice to your mom, don't be defensive... you're legally an adult now in most respects, and she knows that, so she WILL get over this in time if you don't make it an ongoing showdown between you.

[Nothing_]

Personally, I would of got the birth control without mentioning it to my parents. You are an adult and clinics don't need your parents approval. Your mom will just have to accept that you're a grown woman.

[Asker]

I wanted to do that but I'll feel like I was hiding it from her and she'll be pissed off that I was keeping it a secret

[Nothing_]

Its not keeping a secret. Adulthood comes with having a life outside of your parents. Your parents should not be involved in your sex life. At this point this is your life, your parents don't need to know every aspect about it.

[bubble_tea]

How do I cope with my mom being disappointed in me? - By accepting you can't always please everyone else you care about AND be happy with yourself or your decision at the same.

[Anonymous]

Disappointing your parents is not the end of the world, she will get over it.
I am sure she did it at least twice.

[kheserthorpe]

She will come to grips with it. There's nothing to 'fix'. She hoped youd wait till marriage I guess, and you aren't, and that's disappointing for her, but probably not tbe biggest thing in life.

[matheus_mb]

She's disappointed but she'll have to deal with it. She can't stop you from having sex. What she must do is understanding your reasons and advice you, but in the end it's up to you. It's your personal life and she can't control you forever, maybe it's just hard for her to admit it.

[BertMacklinFBI]

you won't really be able to get her to be okay with it. she will come to terms with it on her own time.

[Belgie]

Perfect answer right there.

[eddzeeman]

Assuming your age is correct (18-24), your mom should be proud that you lasted this long. Unless there's some religious intentions you are apart of, otherwise good on you for lasting this long. Most girls nowadays lose their v card when they're 14-15 (disgusting). I lost mine at 18, and its done me so much good. I had equal amounts of girls friends as to guy friends. Although, that first girl did have feelings for messed me up for about 2 years emotionally. didn't know at the time girls can emotionally wreck you to that extent, but now I play it better then them ;)

[meatballs21]

If it's for religious reasons, hit her over the head with her Bible.

Otherwise, just ignore. It's hard for parents to accept that their kids are becoming sexually active (a big indicator they're not kids any more, but adults) sometimes. You have a good, mature attitude about it and are being safe and careful - you don't owe her anything.