Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
We have become a very sexualised generation. Today, young people live in a world where sexuality and pornographic content is rammed down their throat from a young age, and it is all over the media. If you want sex, either you can pay for it, or you can just go on tinder. As ever, the 80/20 rule applies however, so this means that it is only a small minority of men that will be successful if they do not plan on paying for sex or downgrading to a low quality woman. The average woman will have hundreds of hits on social media, but the average guy will have virtually nothing, making it ten times easier for the former to get what she wants. The average guy will have 80% of the male population to compete with he wants to get anywhere.
This situation of dating inequality has arisen because of two simple principles: Bateman's Principle and the sexual economics of supply and demand. Bateman's Principle suggest that women will be less invested in sex reproduction because upon average, they can only fertilise one egg cell over a 9 month period, whereas men can theoretically fertilise thousands, if not millions. This principle means that biologically, women are programmed to settle down with just one man - at the very least during the period of child labour - the Beta provider male, and have sex with the Alpha hunter male who successfully manages to spread his reproductive fitness through his seed without the burden of commitment. Supply and demand applies here because if a woman is less sexually invested, supply (sex) is low and therefore seen as a rare and valuable commodity by demand (men). The inelastic supply and demand curve of human sexuality merely serves to excacerbate male investment into sexuality and diminish female investment. This is why the average woman does not see sex as a necessity: they have a low investment due to Bateman's Principle and the inelastic supply and demand curve of human sexuality. To the average man however, sex is a rare and valuable commodity that is responsible in order to ensure survival of the human gene pool.
In a world where supply and demand for such an innate biological requirement is inelastic, the iron triad will underline what it is women are actually looking for out of dating and relationships. This is money, marriage and validation and I will show how these three factors are not in fact independent of one another, but strongly related and correlating.
#Money
Where there's high demand, there's profit to be made and if the average man is so highly invested in sex, then women (and the alpha male 'pimps' who control these women) will definitely have a bargaining advantage that will enable them to make money. If women are low invested in sex because of Bateman's Principle and the inelastic supply and demand curve of human sexuality, then the average woman certainly will not have sex with the average man unless there is something else to be gained. One of these things is money, or more generally wealth because there are other tangible and intangible rewards that a woman can gain. How can the average woman gain wealth from human sexuality? This is in one of three ways:
- Professionalism: prostitutes, porn actresses, escorts and professional strippers can find a way to earn money from the market of human sexuality
- Marriage: women that marry an unattractive but wealthy man have access to the financial reserves he can provide her with.
- Other forms of manipulation: men will buy expensive gifts for a woman they are dating, they will buy drinks for a hot woman at a bar, they will do favours for a woman they are sexually interested in, the list goes on.
#Marriage
What makes marriage so desirable for women? Some of the reasons have already been listed:
- many women want a stable, committed lover to provide for her offspring who often happens to be from a previous relationship with an alpha male seed carrier. Ideally, the alpha male would also be the committed lover but most women find this an impossible task, so they 'settle' for the beta male provider instead.
- many women want money and marriage as has been demonstrated above can be the source of financial stability and security that women are looking for.
- validation: if a woman manages to capture the desirable alpha male and force him to commit, she feels more fulfilled in life.
If the supply demand for human sexuality is inelastic, then it is also true that it is somewhat inelastic for marriage, however the situation is the reverse: whereas women are the 'gate keepers' to sex, men happen to be the 'gate keepers' to marriage. But, and this is the big BUT, men will 'negotiate' for sex by agreeing to marry: this gives them a more steady and reliable stream of sex than could be guaranteed for them as a bachelor. This is what makes the supply and demand curve for marriage less inelastic than for human sexuality; because sexually frustrated men are likely to inevitably surrender themselves to the wedding aisle. Women are also less invested in the beta male lover / provider who they by and large find sexually and romantically unattractive, so this further diminishes the inelasticity of the human marriage supply and demand curve.
#Validation
This isn't what you might think at all. Most women are sick of genuinely appreciative, kind and polite men who tread on egg shells to try and treat them right. Women do not get their validation from having sex with guys. Instead it's the bold and brash guys that make the move and step forwards that get exactly what they want.
A user on here recently posted a mytake about how to get sex on Tinder. These women responded positively to provocative and sexualised statements that he made such as,
"Whatever tickles your pickle."
"What are your thoughts on handcuffs."
"I want to take off my shirt, pin you up against the wall, tease you and f**k you as hard as I can until tomorrow morning."
In short the gist of the successful man's sexual strategy is about manipulating the self-esteem of low quality, low intelligence but physically attractive sluts. PUA literature, seduction forums and even bodybuilding miscellaneous sub-forums are full of this kind of material: on one hand you have the successful players who have learned the hard way that "treat 'em mean keep 'em keen" actually works. And then, on the other hand, you have guys that are unsuccessful with women that are looking for advice, but want to get success without treating women disrespectfully. Unfortunately, this method is rarely successful and those guys wind up being treated like dirt. They have been rendered the 'internet nice guy' regardless of whether they approve of such a label and now they are the source of ridicule by both genders (although women will pretend like this is the kind of guy they are looking for so as not to appear manipulative, superficial or shallow).
A guy that throws cash at his woman?
Ok, that is a source of validation but she would not have sex with him or give him any attention if it was not for the money.
A guy that wants to marry her?
It is generally good for a woman to be seen as desirable and get married (preferably before 30), however as mentioned before, women prefer for the alpha male to commit and this is the highest possible peak of validation a woman can experience.
What Girls & Guys Said
9 14This is a very interesting piece. So do women want the sweet guy they claim?
How do you win this game lol?
So by treating a girl right (courteous, sweet etc) whilst still being confident, can you be fulfing their validating requirement as well as turning them on to have them submit to you in your words?
Or do you have to treat em mean and not give a damn. Does the good guy validate her with no reward so to speak and the asshole get the pornstar sex?
I might pm you about a take I have written, would be good to get your thoughts.
'So do women want the sweet guy they claim' They may want the sweet guy to commit, through marriage and be a provider male. But they are less likely to consider him for casual sex: this privilege goes to the alpha male. Ideally they would get the alpha male to commit but this is not an easy task, so they settle for the sweet guy instead. I replied to that take you wrote.
I see. But can a sweet guy also not be an alpha male (confident, good looking, kind, decent)? It's an interesting point though. So why casual sex with an alpha? I have noticed that some guys who aren't that sweet and maybe not that good looking seem to have some women acting more suggestive/touchy around them. Yet with a sweeter guy, they'd act more innocent and almost be like they didn't know how to let loose? How would you have them be casual around you in that case? Cheers, I'll check that out
'can a sweet guy also not be an alpha male ' Yes, of course. People refer to the 'sweet guy' and 'alpha male' in lots of different contexts, especially because this is the internet. It's better to talk about the 'good guy', if this is what you mean.
Agreed. So how does a good guy then get an innocent woman to be more free around him?
First of all, I definitely do NOT proclaim to be an expert on this by any means. But my answer is as follows: by understanding three concepts - and this is something Mark Manson talks about in his book 'Models'. - polarisation - logistics - chance 'Polarisation' refers to the level of ambiguity a woman has about whether or not she's attracted to somebody. If she is 'polarised', she has made her mind up. If she is 'not' she is uncertain but uncertainty usually shifts towards a state of disinterest given enough time - that's because. In short, you want to force her to make her mind up about you as quickly as possible, other wise you are just wasting time. Even a flat out rejection is better than uncertainty because with uncertainty you never know whether you could have been successful or not. Why? Because you did not make a strong, confident move. The confidence of men that are polarising tend to be more attractive. ...
[PT 2] Now, I made up 'logistics' and 'chance' because I can't remember what the exact tactics were Manson outlined but I'm talking about the same basic mindset that the successful man has (not just with women but in life in general). 'Logistics' refers to the fact you need to understand the subjectivity of attractiveness, the fact of morality, religion, cultural differences and many, many other factors that could effect your success. This helps the confident man to deal with rejection and without taking it personally: if a woman rejects you it does not necessarily mean you are ugly, not a good person or whatever. She might only be interested in Asian men; she might want a boyfriend that's a lawyer; she might be a practising Mormon and refuse to sleep with random strangers; she might have a boyfriend (and not be lying!!). ...
[PT3] Chance refers to being in the right place at the right time: you've got to be lucky to stumble upon a woman who prefers you. Why? Because of all those different factors affecting success that I already mentioned with logistics: mainly the subjectivity of attraction and the cultural existence of morality/religion. (Not to mention that in some cultures certain gestures are perceived in a radically different manner - for example, some western gestures can be perceived as swear words or down-right insulting. In some cultures, you would be stoned to death for telling a woman she looks sexy: be warned!). So how can you improve your chance? By approaching: again and again and again. It takes some men THOUSANDS of approaches to get successful: even more so for guys that have low value in one of three areas: - confidence - lifestyle (hobbies, things to talk about, etc.) - appearance (fashion, physique, etc.) ...
[FINAL] Improve these AND be prepared to face multiple rejection and your chances of success improve drastically.
You know that is very nicely written and put! You should write your own book lol. I do agree, that logistics and CHANCE play a crucial role as well as the decision by the woman. In my case, I'm not sure how one girl for instance polarised me. Logistics and chance were a little off sadly, what do u think? Met at uni. Unsure whether she had boyfriend. Had a fun and nice vibe. Now we worked on the same masters coursework group, so I couldn't avoid her and naturally became friends owing to rapport, both of us clicking etc. Whilst touched via hugs and alike, was a bit unsure how to touch her in front of others when she asked me to show her how to do archery during a group outing. Really wish I had ofcourse, but later it turned out that she did have a boyfriend (introduced a day before graduating - he went elsewhere not our uni). Texted despite distance after uni. Last time in person on her 1day visit found out she broke up. Still text each other, she's moving here in oct again. Thoughts?
As for the vibe, it's fun. She admires my drive and passion and also humor. Also likes my occasional sweet texts (maybe 2 wks to a month contact wise). I admire her incredible nice personality and also think she is super pretty, tho have not mentioned the latter part. It felt a bit crass to hit on her upon hearing the single news last time, but from now? I guess luck was out in timing for meeting. (I was also less experienced then). I have also witnessed her eat a banana in a group of 3, which I really struggled to contain myself lol. How can you flirt more and compliment her now? by the way we are not besties. And i've never heard the friend term come up between us? Thoughts
I could probably write books on a few topics, I doubt anybody would bother to read it though, hah. Like I said I'm definitely not an expert on this stuff but my thoughts would be that if that girl has a boyfriend, you probably DON'T want to waste time getting attached and chasing after her (and lose her respect in the process). The only situation this would be acceptable would be if she made it clear her boyfriend was a dick or some such and started dropping massive hints that she was into you. But do keep contact because she will have other social connections (other female friends for you to meet) and who knows, maybe one day she will break up with her boyfriend. The 'friendzone' really and truly is not all that bad - sometimes I wish I got 'friendzoned' but I don't, probably because my behaviour is polarising for the most part.
... I'm sorry, I missed the part that she broke. It's up to you how you play it. Being too strong too fast (polarising) probably won't work in this instance - that's more for when you first meet somebody. Long game's not really my forte, I tend to just cut the chase short.
I do think you could write a book! Ah glad you saw that! Yes well I did act respectful and given we worked together and just got on (she was also someone genuinely nice which was refreshing), I guess we ended up becoming friends who stayed in touch, met up despite distance. Sure one or two of her friends are also hot lol! She has now broken up and despite distance we kept in touch, and I may be visiting her town for work and a holiday soon. She is also moving back over here by October. I mean we're not 'the ones', but I do find her physially and personally very attractive. I also do find her very cute and someone who I'd love to be friends with down the line in life. Not sure how to tell her I think she is hot ha. I dunno if friendzoned applied. I mean, we get on pretty well in a fun fun way as well as sweet texts now and then. But I did meet her after she was already taken. Now she is single? I mean should I be hitting on her now she is single?
I think that you should go for it, yes. If it was me, then I would try to re-establish a good rapport with her and spend time with her alone if possible. I would also at some point tell her how I feel about her, and what specific attributes it is about her I find attractive. For example in your opinion comments, you have said: - you 'get on pretty well in a fun fun way as well as sweet texts now and then' - she is cute - she has a fun and nice vibe - she has an incredible nice personality and also think she is super pretty - etc. So some of these things are good to communicate at some point: ...
[PT 2] ... "Listen, we have been friends for a while and there has been something I have been meaning to get off my chest. I know that we have a good friendship but I feel that for me at least there is something a little more. To me, you are [insert choice from list of compliments] and I would love it if we could spend more time together. We do not have to rush anything - because I value our friendship very deeply - but I think at some point it would be nice to do something more official than when we usually hang out (i. e. make it clear it's a date, not just hanging out). For example, we could take a nice walk in the park, or go hang out at the cinema, grab a coffee, etc. What do you think?" Just an idea, obviously all of that is flexible and the way you deliver (body language, presentation, eye-contact, tonality, breathing, etc.) is just as important if not more important than the words themselves.
Right got it, so based on those bullet points you mentioned, is it possible? And why am I so damn nervous? It's just how do I communicate those points to her? And both subtly (given I already know her) but also clearly saying that I find her sexually attractive? I'm not sure either of us is ready for a relationship as such so to speak, but say on a week or so visit either way or her moving back here, how to hang out solo and well, maybe be intimate and also flirty?
'And why am I so damn nervous? ' Anxiety is normal given the risk of rejection - and I'm not saying rejection won't happen either. The fact is if you want something you have to go for it. As for the cause of anxiety, people often think it is the lack of words that make us anxious. While this might have truth - and we need words to communicate - it is actually the body that prevents us from saying what we really want to say. Think about it: to approach a girl, first we men have to move over to her - physically. We have to stand still and breathe before we even open our mouths. We have to have good posture and body language. We have to look at the woman in her eyes. To say what you want to say is physically demanding. I practise yoga and also meditation focussed on breathing and good posture. This all helps. I also went through a period where I regularly approached women. This helped as well. But at the end of the day, when you want something you just have to move: it's not verbal.
Good points! It's just given I already know her, how do you subtly move to a situation where she's receptive to you making a move or she's feeling like she wants to kiss you etc? As in, how does the natural excitement lead to it? I mean e. g. visiting her city for a week or so, how do you indicate your sexual attraction to her?
' how do you subtly move to a situation where she's receptive to you making a move '
Microescalation's good for that (starting off slow and progressively getting more forwards and more direct): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4WAIPcb0PQ
BUT don't think too much about tactics. Just move when you feel like it because that way it's more natural. Obviously if she says, "NO!" you stop. But just putting your arm round her waist, touching her arm, putting your hand on her knee, smiling and looking her in the eye when you talk... that's not really the kind of thing your gonna get done for assault. Don't pussy foot around it, just get to work and if she's receptive have the balls to move forwards. If she's let you do all the things mentioned above, you can probably lean in (slowly!) for the kiss. Just keep your breathing steady.
I wrote another take you might be interested in:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a28261-the-40-percent-man-some-hard-truths-about-dating
I'll check out that take thanks!!! Ok I get build it up slowly. It's just I'm not really sure how to touch her knee suddenly? Even the hand or arm, do you just poke her or something? Or when she laughs, touch her arm? How, can you give examples of when and how to subtly do this?
'when she laughs, touch her arm?' You've got it. Another time is when she says something you agree with (like, actually agree with, not just pretending to agree with) you can high five her, or say to her "I just want to hold your hand for a moment because what you said was so amazing", gazing over her face and smiling gently. Use slow, non-threatening movements but with a masculine aura so she doesn't see it as creepy. Then when you are already touching her hand you can move from their - if she is comfortable, just put your hand around her waist. Or fuck it: just make a bold move and put cross your arm straight through her's. If she likes it, then great; if not you just laugh/shrug it off and carry on as normal.
This is great! Right so when she laughs or when she agrees. I like the fiving idea, i think i may have done that already and she did that back. As for the arm touching I'm just unsure given she is now single, haven't done it with her before, so unsure how to naturally get into that? What do you think? When you say slow, so just smoothly move your hand whilst looking at her? How do you just touch her, is it a poke or a move your hand and keep it there for how long? As for the arm through hers, I like that. Actually a different woman did that to me, didn't know what to make of it. So how do you do the arm through theirs subtly or have it just happen? Any other tips? Maybe hold your hand out for her to take? I guess you want them touching you as much as you can, so how do you have them do that, or get them craving your touch and it feeling like sexual attraction type rather than just friendly? How to be suave, respectful but also bold enough?
[PT1] 'This is great! Right so when she laughs or when she agrees. I like the fiving idea, i think i may have done that already and she did that back. As for the arm touching I'm just unsure given she is now single, haven't done it with her before, so unsure how to naturally get into that? What do you think?' Well, I think you're better to do these things in a single interaction rather than spreading them out over such a long period of time. But I'd say that next time you should substitute the high five for something a little more mature like touching her arm, or putting your hand around her waist. It can be totally spontaneous at a moment when you're both feeling *it*, or it can be a time when it feels logical and appropriate the conversation. ...
[PT2] The game plan (if you must have a game plan) has to be down to you, because you're the one that knows her and you're the one that knows yourself. I can't really advise you on anything else tbh. I really do think that from now on, you should just look through our previous discussion and really think hard about how to use the suggestions... and then use them. Sometimes you don't need more tricks added to your repertoire, you've just go to find a way to use what you already know properly and integrate it smoothly into a natural, organic interaction. 'Tricks' is not the right word in fact, think more in terms of behaviour. Extend all of these behaviours as long as possible so you can make the things you already know last longer so that everything seems natural, fun and dynamic. That way you don't need to go looking for advice from other people: you're just working on what you already know.
Really great points. Also trying to just be myself. Just unsure how to touch her arm as you suggest? The waist thing I do when posing with her, but how to do normally during just being around her? And touching her arm, and making her excited at my touch? How do you do this naturally?
I don't know anything much else now, just that you've got to be bold.
Ok will try, any tips whatsoever will help though
Yep, sometimes it's better to just go over stuff you already know and really work on ironing out the details than skimming over a few neat tricks that you won't be able to use correctly anyway.
Ok cool. I also saw this question by the way, seems up your street: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2021921-can-any-guy-use-these-dirty-words-moves-in-the-bedroom-with-a-woman
As for this specific example though we were discussing, given I met her when she had a boyfriend, and now she is single, how do I convey my sexual attraction subtly but also clearly?
I really do like her tho as well as see her as someone I could be friends for life with?
Hmm, that sounds like your exact question: OP 25-29 years old and uses the same kind of language as in the other thread. The answer is that it depends on the woman: some girls will like that, some girls won't. You've got to go by feel and take things up a notch nice and slow to find out what she's into. But here's my two cents: if you've got a girl who's already into you (sexually) and is already responding well to the things you're saying and doing that are more toned down, why risk fucking everything up just because you want to sound like a player / bad boy? If that's something that just doesn't work for you, there really is no point doing it, unless you really, really are at a desperate point and nothing else you're saying or doing is having any sexual effect whatsoever on the girls your trying to seduce. But even then, you've got to be careful man, if you're always moving too hard and fast then next thing you know you could have angry boyfriends or aggressive lawyers to deal with.
Agreed, I never hit on taken women anyhow. That's why I am wondering how to flirt with this female social circle now she is single. We deffo get on well. Got more of the sweet vibe going on. That question was more about bedroom stuff, so yeah what do you do in that case, do they like that in the heat of passion? What I am asking though is with this social circle girl, now she is single, how do you demonstrate your sexual attraction by still being a good polite guy that I am?
'how do you demonstrate your sexual attraction by still being a good polite guy that I am' Come on man, we've been through this.
Yes I get I have to communicate that I like her and her quailities, but I can't blurt them out right? E. g./Can i suddenly say when I see her again, oh by the way, you've always been so energetic and you're also really cute. I've heard that females have to be on a high to reciprocate a guy's confession essentially whereas a guy would actually respond better to a woman telling him. So pls any advice is appreciated?