Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Are you "ready" for "more" sex? Sex jokes that is 🙂
So if you read and enjoyed my first sex jokes take, thought you might be up for "another round" 😉
Hope it's as good as "the first"...
Fun sex fact, did you know:
What are the three shortest words in the English language?
Is it in?
Smooth Operator
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Sex Ed
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
Surprise
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Little Pill
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."
What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Weight Watchers
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
Rodeo
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."
Pick Up
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant:t their legs
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A wet nose.
A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says,
"What do you expect for ten dollars? Lobster?"
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!"
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic…
But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
Family Dinner
A family is having dinner at the table one evening when the son asks the father, “Dad, how many different kinds of breasts are there?”
The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering, “Well my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears – still nice but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions.”
The son is confused and asks, “Onions?”
The father replies, “Yes – you see them and they make you cry.”
The wife and daughter are really annoyed by what their father has said, so the daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well honey, a man also goes through three phases in life too. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty, strong and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it becomes more like a birch – flexible but reliable. But after 50, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
The daughter laughs and asks, “A Christmas tree?”
The mother replies, “Yes, dear. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Prescription
A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”
The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and sees that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”
Thanks for reading
I really hope you enjoyed/got a chuckle 🙂
"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘
What Girls & Guys Said
3 33Confucius says Woman who flies plane upside down will have crack up New book out, Open Kimono by Seemore Hair
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I really like your jokes. Thank you
Not mine original lol found online 🙂
They are still really good, Thank You
Thanks 🙂
You're very welcome, I am so glad that you posted them for us all during this crisis of a Pandemic Thank You So Much.
You Individually made my entire day just by bringing a laugh
Welcome and yeah that's when the funny takes come out... Even things get so crazy... Or people get too irritating lol figure more people like me like to take a break from the people hating... Or bashing...
I couldn't agree with you more 😉😍
Lol 🤣🤣🤣🙊🙉🙈
😅😅😅 look at dude 'lecturing" me about jokes... Find that soooo funny... People can talk racist as fuck... Men can call women bitches, sluts, cunts, only good for just sex, but "my jokes" might "offend" someone 🤔😅😅
Lovely humour 😜
Thanks
Hahahaha🤭🤭
I have some jokes like that , but I can't post them here , lol
😅😅🙂
You are really cool , lady ☺️☺️
Thanks 🙂
Funny!!
Thanks 🙂
Hey, I really liked the surprise, poor guy, was so high in hopes, was it me? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wish I I was in that restaurant 😋😋😋😋
If it was me, I would've chose to lose weight gradually, so that I'm sure I'll catch her 😈😈😈.
😂😂😂
How will they give exercise to their female clients?
How,?
A billionaire in front of their house saying if you catch me you can have my money
Hold on getting my running shoes on 😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Forgot... I can barely do a slow jog 🙄😂😂😂
Drink your coffee
How that gonna help the boobs when running 🤔😂😂😂
You once said it gives you the energy⚡
Yeah but all the energy in the world don't stop boobs from flapping when you run, if anything would probably make it worse 😅😅
Well, luckily guys don't have that problem. Is it injurious?
😂😂 don't know cuz I ain't running to find out 😂😂
You will lose your millions 🤣🤣🤣
Never had it to begin with 🤣 and who knows maybe I'll hit the power ball 🙏
You can maybe appoint someone else to run for you or wear something tight 😉😉😂
A million dollars is worth a run
Yeah might be worth an attempt 🤣
🤣🤣🤣 yes it is
Good ones
Lol thanks 🙂
Thanks for what babe
All of them were pretty good.
Thanks 🙂
Some jokes can make people really uncomfortable so joke at your own risk
You know this is a public forum... You don't have to read... If people can't take jokes then they shouldn't read a take that's Clearly stated as that... Find it funny tho that you getting on me about jokes... Racism, gender bashing makes me uncomfortable YET HOW OFTEN does that happen on here? So men can call women bitches, cunts, just good for sex, and that's okay? But "jokes" are a problem? Uhh yeah okay sure buddy 🙂
Hey bbb I think somebody is a little bit but hurt LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣
@simplelikeme 😅😅😅 right, maybe 🤔🤣
🤣🤣🤣
@simplelikeme I hope I didn't offend you sir 😂😂😂
Hahahaha never... my friend 🤣 Life is too damn short to be butthurt. I enjoy laughing way too much 🤣🤣🤣🤣
@simplelikeme I know I was being funny 🤪🤪😅
I know you were. He is just butthurt because he didn't come up with it first 🤣🤣🤣
@simplelikeme was going to say something.. But 🤐 I'll behave
https://youtu.be/T5rbEuCOLkY
Pls do...🤣🤣🤣
You don't really know what somebody might deem as going to far and making a lot of other people especially women really uncomfortable to be around you.
Sure yeah ok...
Tomtom look if you're a little bit but hurt because you didn't like the jokes get over it. Nobody put a gun to your head and said you had to read them. If you don't like what my friend post but your nose somewhere else. It's not my fault or anybody else's fault if you get offended by some sexual joke. If you want to take it personal cuz your dick don't get hard it's not our problem and not our fault. So please take your pity party and your attitude somewhere else, because at your own risk you just might be going a little bit too far yourself there buddy.
By calling me " butt hurt " you completely missed the point. In the era that we live in right now, issues like marital rape, domestic abuse, sexual degradation, intimate partner murder as well as workplace sexual harassment and assault, you still believe in this? The fact that you still believe in this stuff clearly tells me that you would turn a blind eye to some really disturbing and horrifying stuff just because you want to keep having sex jokes that clearly have no place in society today. And if you respond to this, your just clearly proving my point for me. So the one thing I have to ask you is, do you really believe in these jokes or do you believe the truth which is that these " jokes" actually blatantly pave over a lot of really disturbing and truly horrifying shit that keeps happening became society and law enforcement don't won't to do anything about it and they want to keep the old and antiquated " status quo ".
You are so wrong from the word go... Just so you know I have run down three criminals for the Sheriff's Department I used to be a fireman. If I was confronted with something disturbing and horrifying such as a parent beating a child or some man beating a woman LOL damn right I would jump in and stop it and do what is right. They are jokes that is all they are LOL if you don't have a sense of humor I am sorry. It's not my problem.
You effectively proved my point for me
But before we really get into it, let's just dail it back a bit and just ask our ourselves if it's worth it to continue on with the conversation as it stands or just to call it a civil disagreement and just move on with our lives.
👏👏👏👏 ok
@Tom204 so you have an issue with jokes that supposedly offend. How about people on this website calling women bitches, sluts, cunts, only good for sex. Or "all" women just use men. Or people making racist comments to one another. Yet you chose to come at my post as offensive. You're there only one who had an issue. Cuz other people get this and others I've done is to lighten the mood. So before you start trying to falsely label someone as offensive it that they would approve of someone being mistreated? So jokes do that, but real insults and assumptions don't. Think you passing judgement on the wrong post. Go after those trying to spread hate and gender divide. Or the posts where people talk bout incest being okay. Not jokes
Did you read my forth comment on just leaving it at a disagreement and just moving on rather the continuing on with the disagreement which wouldn't benefit anybody and in some situations could turn deadly
I'd hope that isn't a threat, sir... You came on my post... You don't have a right to tell people when to reply/not reply. Careful tho of threats, because That WILL GET REPORTED... SO YOU NEED TO STOP NOW!!
@Tom204 how could you be so stupid to threatening people like that? If you really want it that bad give me a time and place!!! I'm going to show you a set of special skills my dad gave me 🤗 you fukin 🤡
Interesting.. I like them all
Lol thanks 🙂
Keep doing it ;)
I love Sex and everything related to... Of you have more... You can DM me anytime 😉
OMG, you have the best jokes 😂😂😂
These weren't mine lol found em online 😂
Cool, you have a talent for finding great jokes 😜
Thanks 🙂