Moving on from sexual regrets/trauma?

When I was 19 never dated or had a boyfriend. I got approached by some guys tho, but I lowkey rejected all of them. Either I wasn’t interested or I was afraid of going on a date with them.
one day my friends and me went to the club and I met this guy who I thought was cute. We danced together and he wanted to take me upstairs, so I agreed. We sat on a couch and he asked to kiss me, I denied and after a few tries he just kissed me. Before that he asked me weird questions like "How many bfs did u ever have and how long has been ur last kiss?“ When he kissed me, he was going all in and gave me a hickey. He touched me under my shirt, squeezed my boobs and would even go under my pants and say things like "Ur a** is so nice".
2 months later 2 friends and me went to the club again and jumped into these 3 guys. I talked to one of the guys and we made out at the club. This time the kiss was way better than my first one. So afterwards we all left together and we went to a hotel. I already had a very bad gut feeling but I ignored it. NAIVE me really thought we could be in a room with my friend and the other guy, but ofc they all got us separate rooms. In the hotel room we started making out again, and this guy just pulls my shirt down and starts sucking my tits? I wasn’t expecting it all but I didn’t say anything. Then he asked me to have sex, I told him no and we agreed on only making out, but he would constantly put me in "positions" and dry hump me, I think he wanted to get off. I was sooo uncomfortable. I couldn’t say a word out of fear, he was so much taller and bigger than me. I can still picture him on top of me.
Thanks God we didn’t have sex that night and he didn’t try to rape me, but I’m still traumatized.
Both of my only sexual experiences have been with 2 strangers.
I turned 21 last month and I still think about this every single day. I can’t just move on from it, it hurts so much. I do want to start my self healing journey, but I don't know how.
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Superb Opinion

  • Listen, I was se*ually assaulted as a child. Like under 10 yo and I really coudn't do nothing at the time. I still don't. Noone ever in my life found out about it besides my boyfriend recently. I'm not gonna lie. You'll probably never forget it. It will always pop up in you head. Especially when you hook up with someone else, there will allways be a daubt in your mind, if it's going to happen again. The best thing I an say to you is, just make peace with yourself. Accept it, say to yourself it happend. Allow yourself to feel everything you need, don't push feelings aside and it will get better with time.

    Time doesn't heal, it just helps you to learn how to deal with it.

    • Im so sorry and thank u, means a lot💕

    • No worries dear 🥰 if you need anything I'll be here 😊

Most Helpful Girl

  • Going to hotel = he expects sex, no matter what arrangements are made. Don't do it if you don't want it.

    • Yeah, to my defense I was reallyyyy naive back then

    • But makes sende

    • sense*

    • Show All

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