My 12 year old daughter and her ''boyfriend'' have been watching porn together. What do I do?

So, I'm a mother of 2, a 4 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. My daughter has never been really outgoing, she's quite shy and has problems talking to people, doesn't have a lot of friends etc. You know the drill.

Now, my friend who is also a mom, had a baby just around the same time as me, so we were in the same hospital when we gave birth.
Her son was my daugther's best friend, they spent their entire childhood growing up together. They were like brother and sister.
But they're really different. As I said my daughter is really shy and all that stuff, he's like, really blunt, straightforward, open to people, always makes jokes, basically a polar opposite to my daughter. They were friends but I didn't think they'd ever become more.

So I found something interesting a few months ago, that they confessed they liked each other a year ago and have been ''together'' since. I was sure it's innocent, but then things got bizzare.

My friend (the boy's mom) texted me that she found 31 open porn tabs on her son's phone and asked him who showed him that, and he said my daughter. I didn't quite believe it cause she didn't seem like someone who would do such thing. But I'm still beating around the bush, 'cause I know that if I bring it up and ask her about this she'll get anxious and she'll stop talking to me for a while. I know her well.

But she and her ''boyfriend'' hang out everyday outside, but it always ends with her going to his home. I've been really suspicious because my friend mentioned that when she asked her son about the porn, he said that they didn't watch it together, but just ''discussed it''. And everytime she goes with him she takes her laptop and after I take it back I see there's no history at all and it was obviously deleted. I'm relying on my friend to find out stuff cause I shit you not there's NO WAY to get secrets out of my daughter. She knows a lot more about technology than he does, and he doesn't even know how to clean history.

What do I do?
Updates:
+1 y
Just to clear up things, her boyfriend is 12 too.
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • In remembering girls at age 12, I am inclined to believe what your friend said. Even in talk with exes about bizarre things they did as kids, that was one of them. One story an ex-fiancé shared about her and a friend when 11 was particularly memorable. Mind you, this particular ex was absolutely prim and leaned on the side of introverted.

    I recall girls leading the way with 'most' boys at that age. I also recall girls being quite aggressive towards boys of interest beginning in Kindergarten - no joke.

    When I was 19 I had a neighbor friend who's 12 year old daughter would creep around me. I told my friend about it repeatedly and she still did not stop. It because quite uncomfortable when she would ask sex questions of me in front of her mom and all mom would do is say, "she likes you." I had to stop being friends with her. Almost felt encouraged at that point.

    My point in sharing this skin crawling nuttiness is that you really should not dismiss th possibility that it really is your daughter.

    What you can do? Beats me. A candid discussion with her? I really could not say. Pueperty is a parent's nightmare I imagine. That is likely all this is, but she is untutored I imagine with probably just fellow school mates as guidance, and fellow students I remember can be quite graphic. Your guess is better than mine...

  • I would have the talk with her about sexuality, and how detrimental it is for her future success to begin engaging in sexual acts early. Also, don't let her hang around a boy, alone, who is going through puberty... You're just asking for a pregnant teen. '
    Literally, only dates out in public, or under supervision if it's at your home (or her parents), and always confirm via call that there's someone there.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh darling i would advise you to be open to your daughter and give her some friendly atmosphere so she would treat you as friend and then she will easily open herself up to you without hesitation and then you can council her
    This is what my parents did to me... whenever they came across something i remember my dad would take me out on a long drive and we would have something my fav to eat hehe and then he would talk to me but the first thing he would say was Eli forget that i am your dad coz i am your friend as well and he would give me confidence that no matter what he would stick by my side even if mum goes against but he would take the promise that i would properly listen to him and would consider if he said something what i wouldn't like etc and then i always shared with him
    He always put everything on me to take my decisions and never forced anything on me but the way he would counsel me i always ended up doing what he said and now when i look back at it i feel that he and my mum were really smart to treat me and my brothers this way so we will have the confidence that they are by our side and we would share everything with them and would eventually do what they wanted us to do

    • wow thats awesome! your dad sounds so caring and cool!

    • @vald9inches yea my both my parents are super cool and super smart and yea they do a lot of care and always be with me mo matter what

  • Therapy, a trip to a obgyn at least for a talk and I hate to say it but possibly birth control pills. I thought my daughter would be open with me and I said it in front of her doctor. The guilt of me telling her doctor in front of her is what made her confess to something. Even the good kids will do stuff and 12 is young enough to get pregnant. It is even more important since she has a very strong connection with her friend. That close friendship love they had makes it even easier for this to turn into a couple's love. There is as reason so many long term friends end up together. They have a strong bond because they know everything about each other.

    • I should add don't shame her because sexuality is normal but express certain things are age appropriate and with porn some things can not be unseen. There is basic just have sex porn and then there is more aggressive or secret filmed porn they shouldn't get a hold of.

    • I meant not age appropriate.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 16
  • MONITOR YOUR CHILDREN. xx

  • Holy mary mother of god you dont deserve to be a mom ! Im 100% the boyfriend is older and that counts as using her for sex ! She is under the legal age.

    • He's also 12

    • Please, just, no.

    • Dude what the hell are you talking about

  • May i ask where do you live?

  • Don’t make too much of it. She’s just exploring her body. I’m pretty sure you did it when you were around her age too. It’s just puberty and hormones.

    • But also monitor it and get it in check if it seems too much

  • What is his age?

    • He's 12 too

    • It is highly likely that they are engaging in some sexual relations. Even if one or neither has any "thirst" the visual instruction will encourage imitation and exploration. I was in a parallel situation. I was the shy one. Neither of us was sexualized. We had no access to printed matter and porn was unavailable. Even though we had no sexual feelings I have no doubt that, sooner or later, I would put this in there if I knew such a thing existed. They need to be separated and the furtive porn watching has to be stopped... even if you have to relocate your home to get away from it. Your daughter's future is at risk.

  • Put on parental controls, and only allow certain things, plus block ALL porn sites. I never once did this, and still never have! I would do that, if you don't know how too, go to a computer shop.

  • I remember when i 10 my friend she showed me mia khalifa comes to dinner. why you care that so weird talk your kid about.

  • You're the parent, right? If you don't want her watching porn, tell her to stop or threaten to punish her. Too bad if she doesn't like it! She's young, she'll get over it!

    As for the laptop (and probably the phone), there are ways to prevent them from being able to access porn. If you don't know what they are, ask around and see if you can find someone that does. I've seen the option a few times but, as I've never needed to use it, I'm not sure where it is or how to set it up. I'm pretty sure you'll need some kind of a password to go with it to keep her from disabling it no matter how good she is. If you don't give her the password, there's no way she can access it.

  • I would talk to a pediatrician or a psychologist about this. 12 years old seems young for a girl to be doing things like that.

    I can see it more from a boy though.

    I’d be worried if that were my child.

  • Gee maybe you uh, you know, act like an actual parent and talk to her about sex and what she saw. Crazy, right?

  • I tout would be a good idea if you talked to both of them about this.

  • sounds like normal puberty to me lol

  • 12 yo? Come on? But talk with her. I'm a teenager and I passed that. She doesn't understand it. Explain it won't be easy and u will make her uncomfortable, but do it anyway

  • You certainly have your hands full. Can you take her to family counseling?

  • you're going to have to find some sort of way to monitor them. Don't allow them to be behind closed doors together. If she uses chrome or a chromebook you can monitor history from other devices by logging into her account.

  • Easy. Murder him.

  • Id stop them from doing it until you feel like its okay for them too

  • I don't know, maybe be a parent and not ask horny college students? white people man. learn how to raise ur kids.

  • Teach her how to please her boyfriend. That’s what me & my girlfriend did with her 11 year old daughter. We taught her how to give good head by letting her suck my dick while we both gave her directions

  • Sit down and talk to her about this stuff

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