My affair has turned sexual?

[Anonymous]

I’m not asking if what I’m doing is wrong, I’m fully aware but life isn’t always as we plan it! I’m only looking for advice from someone who’s had an affair, not upset other halves who’ve been hurt or others on their high horse never in my situation.

I’ve been married 15 years, and so has he. We have had so far a 5 year emotional affair, around the last year things got a little different, we started touching and hugging when we saw each other. It always felt as though we wasn’t doing anything wrong as we was friends first and foremost, we didn’t speak sexually or flirt and our communication would be general everyday chit chat. We have expressed we care about each other, and touched on the word love In a joking non serious way. The weekend we slept together, we went from nothing ever happening and feeling like we wasn’t doing anything wrong to the full blown extreme. Life feels really surreal since, I don’t feel I’ve processed what’s happened and feel almost as if I’ve distanced myself from it as if it wasn’t me to separate the guilt, I love love loveeee my husband, and he loves his wife. It’s not an affair when we want to run off into the sunset together. I thought sex would stop us speaking, but we have still spoken since as normal (we haven’t spoke of what’s happened) and haven’t made it a big deal. We haven’t done the omg it was amazing, I love you talk. Im just so concerned, I feel im loosing grip on reality. I feel intense feelings for him that’s out of my control, I want more, but I want my life as it is today. My heart breaks thinking I’ll have to make a decision and I can’t imagine life without either of them. We didn’t plan of having sex, and we don’t plan to do it again. Could this be a drunken blip. I have never even so much as kissed another man in the whole 15 years prior to this. I want to continue being friends with him, but I don’t want things to spiral into a sexual affair and get lost in a bigger mess than im in currently.

[billmunch]

Personally, I have been cheated on in every relationship I've been in and I've never ended a relationship because of it. In fact, I don't see it as a reason to end a relationship. Where most men would have a meltdown and get jealous and throw a tantrum, I don't. In fact, it kind of turns me on.

I once dated a woman for 14 years who face the same dilemma you have. Five years into our relationship, she started seeing another guy and it got serious, so they moved in together, but now I was the side guy and he was the main.

He promised to get her a greencard but she wasn't qualified so she failed the interview. Anyway, he eventually had to go back to the states and had to leave her behind. She then moved back in with me and I've been the main guy ever since. She still goes on holiday with him once or twice a year. This scenario seems to work out. The thought of them having sex together gives me as much of a thrill as it gives them.

Most people won't agree with me, but I don't see infedilety as a big deal, especially if you've been together for 15 years. I thing a couple can be pefectly in love and in a good sexual relationship with one another but still want to go off and explore their private sexuality.

So, if I were your husband, I would just make room in the relationship for your new boyfriend and be supportive. However, most men aren't like that.

So, if you think your hubby would be okay with it, tell him. Otherwise just keep it to yourself and enjoy both men. However, if he's like me, he'll love it.

In life, I've found the hardest thing to make my SO understand is that she can have sex and date other guys without having to worry about destroying the relationship.

[boggboss]

Sorry what are u actually asking here as unless your husband and his wife are happy with open marriages I dont see how anything goes back to normal I take it you wouldn't accept if you husband was cheating on you so what are u looking or wanting to happen here

[Potteplante]

Lol, neither of you love your spouse - if you did then you would NOT be cheating on them. If you EVER cared about your spouse, you'd tell him the shit you've done - so he perhaps has a chance for finding someone who loves and respect him. (&The wife of your affair should have the same option).

Sexual or not - you're having an affair and have for years, shows how LITTLE love and respect for your husband you have, it is possible to have friends of another sex without it being an affair.

I feel for the spouses. That someone can be so disrespectful and disregard the indivual they claim to love for YEARS is beyond me.

[Spongebobssocks]

You are gonna get karma some home.. you need to break up with your main boyfriend/husband.. but its up to you. You will most likely get gang raped, tortured, killed and burn in hell for all eternity.. I personally wouldn't take that risk if I were you..

[MrNameless]

WTF at your last sentence.. Seriously.

[Spongebobssocks]

@MrNameless cheating is evil. Its selfish and its a form of emotional abuse. According to psychology its a form of narcissic behaviour. So if you agree with science then you agree its evil

[Asker]

I’m not a narcissist or an abuser, I just happened to fall in love with my best friend. The same as love grows when you have another child, and doesn’t take love away from the first is similar to how it feels. I understand we crossed the line majorly with sex, it wasn’t planned, neither do we plan to do it again. It’s a horrible place to be, and I wish I wasn’t me most of the time. I feel mentally drained and I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

[Spongebobssocks]

You are a narcissist and a abuser. The funny thing is you believing you are neither is a classic sign of being one. Infact if you had agreed with me I would have questioned it. This is based on factual science. Ask any licsensed psychologist and they'll tell you. But it doesn't matter. Evan if 10 psychologist told you, you still wouldn't accept reality. I know you will just find excuses so go ahead.. I personally dont wanna burn in hell but goodluck:) bye

[Asker]

I am indeed a trained physiologist, are you? I know my job and clients very well. If I was to admit I was a narcissist and an abuser I would be hiding behind the fact I didn’t think it was wrong, I couldn’t understand how others are or would be hurt, and that my happiness should always be paramount. That’s not the case, like I said at the beginning of my post I know I am 100% fully in the wrong, I evaluate myself almost daily due to my profession, and for the record I do share any narcissistic traits. But thanks for the well wishing of rape and murder, that’s not something a balanced healthy mind would suggest was a viable solution to the situation. Maybe you need to get yourself checked? :)

[MrNameless]

I agree with you that cheating is wrong. But to say she'll most likely get gang raped, tortured, killed, and burn in hell is a bit much.

[Spongebobssocks]

Thank you for MHO! Hope you face reality one day before its too late

[Dargil]

You dishonored your marriage vows. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal. At any point, could always have veered off but you did not, expressing your true character.

[stratford]

Oh dear, it's going to get messy...

[David4358]

Yes I have been in a similar situation

[Nightmoon83]

I have been in a similar situation as you and want some advice can you DM me please

[Asker]

I’m not sure I can be of any help, but I can try. Just send a message

[Nightmoon83]

I can’t my xper is to low you will have to message first if you don’t mind.

[CubaPirate]

What goes around comes just go for it girl lol 😆

[MasterKS]

lust and love blended together!

[tallblondejohm]

It's not an affair unless it's sexual

[Anonymous]

Lmao

[Anonymous]

Reading through this, I thought it must be satire. I mean, who could actually do what you did for five years and not see this coming? No one.

There was a whole lot of dishonesty in what you wrote here, and I hope you are not actually being as dishonest with yourself as you've been with us.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you just live in a lie wanting each other, people can lie to themselves

[Asker]

I don’t understand, you mean we are both lying and want to be with each other and not our primary partners? No that’s not true. He loves his wife more than anything, and I love my husband. I just love him too. I wouldn’t wish loving two people on my worst enemy. It’s mentally draining constantly, but I just can’t be without him, and believe me I’ve tried

[Opinion Owner]

I believe you, I know how loving two people is, interesting that you describe the feeling so accurately. Maybe you do love two people then you deal with the situation it is what it is, maybe time will tell more