My boyfriend asked if we could have sex where he could "dominate" me, can someone explain or provide any clarification?

Question

Last night, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. We were having a conversation about different things we could try in bed and my boyfriend said something that has kind of taken me back. When we've discussed bedroom matters, he has expressed to me that he gets off on the idea that he is 6'2 and 200 pounds and that I am 5'2 and 130 pounds. While I understand this, he has further elaborated that he would like to "wrestle" into having sex which essentially means I would end up getting pinned to a certain spot for intercourse.

I study psychology in my university and I immediately thought of consensual rape. Can someone explain what my boyfriend is asking of me? Or the thought process? Or if I am right about my boyfriend having consensual rape fantasies>

Charlesbrandonf · Accepted Answer

Sex has many ways of doing it. There are types called vanilla, kinky and more. It’s not aim to hurt someone or rape. It’s just the way people like in their life. Someone women are so kinky, they liked to be tied handle rough spank and etc. depends on one individual. I know it’s difficult to communicate about this with your man as you already feel step away.

The best solution i say is that communicate with him, it will help you decide what you want to do. If his intentions are hurting you. Back off. If he is making you feel safe in all the act though he is being dominant in bed and treasuring you. Then you’ll have a good time.

Surely my love it’s not rape is my feeling. But sometimes modern generation are addressing things with words that carry a lot of weight.

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

My take is that this is not consensual rape. This is what you put in the title of the question. He wants to be dominant and in charge. In a sexual sense, this is a turn on for many guys (and women -- my wife will often 'turn the tables' and be dominant for a sex session) but it usually isn't meant to degrade or make you uncomfortable. In certain cases there's an element of the erotic to submitting and letting him pleasure you. So, there are keys I think: 1) communicate; 2) make sure this is about both of you having pleasure; 3) make sure you're comfortable but (back to 1) communicate if you're not; 4) realize that even if you don't like the dominant/submissive sex play, his desire for it is valid. You don't have to do it, but don't judge him or his desire.

SeriouslyFunny00 · Accepted Answer

Have you ever watched Fifty Shades of Grey? It's quite similar to that, just like role playing with him.. If you don't like his kink, communicate it to him. I have never heard of consensual rape before, since rape is always forced without the other's consent.

Agape93 · Accepted Answer

He has a power kink. He wants to control the flow of sex

NamerOfStars · Answer

"Domination", in sexual terms, is interplay of (and about) power and control. It encompasses a wide variety of actions and behaviors, which can range from quite mild to very extreme; unless you plan on turning him down flat-out, you should definitely ask for clarification about specifics.

Guy13 · Answer

You can search that online.

boggboss · Answer

This should be somthing u ask him lol

JPresidente · Answer

I think you're thinking too deep on this. Some guys and women prefer aggressive sex and or domination where the partner pins them, ties them up, is rough with them and takes control of the sex. I think the word "rape" should not be thrown in there. Some women want a man to do these things to them and find it hot and the reverse is true for men. Nothing wrong with it.

AimeeKyle · Answer

I would ask him what his definition of domination is and what type of activities he wants to try. I would ask him to be very descriptive and learn what about it and the activities turns him on. If he is open and honest and you guys have a great conversation, I would bet you could come to some agreement on scenario/activities…. It it may start right after the conversation..

CharlieDMX · Answer

He has a fantasy where he wants to assert control. It's akin ho consensual rape, but not quite there. If you feel comfortable trying it, go ahead. If not be honest with him