My boyfriend can't orgasm?

Well, kinda awkward to not be going anonymous. But here goes-

At long last, I have indeed lost my virginity to my current boyfriend. We have a fantastic sex life, and to clear all suspicions, yes, he is very attracted to me. He has NO problem getting it up (quite the opposite). He's not gay. And I am his first sexual partner.
However, during both oral and penetrative sex, he either 1) doesn't orgasm, or 2) takes upwards of an HOUR. During masturbation, he takes about 30 minutes, 15+ if I'm there. This is definitely a sexual-encounters only problem.
I've talked to my friends (with his permission), who don't see an issue- "why are you complaining? He lasts TWO HOURS in bed. What a dream!". Its exhausting after 30 minutes. there's only so many positions, and so many minutes, and it also makes me feel insecure, though I know its not my fault.

My boyfriend can't orgasm?


He also comes from very abusive past relationships. Whats the issue, and how can I help him get over this?
Updates:
+1 y
This is NOT porn related. He doesn't watch porn, never really has. Finds it cheesy, and unrealistic, and overall kinda gross. No, this is not just "what he tells me". I wouldn't give a shit if he watched porn, and I know my SO.
2 5

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

5 41
  • If he's on antidepressants, that will kill sexual function. Otherwise, there may be a psychological thing going on.

  • I would reckon that being that if it is his first partner, I think he is just two used to masturbation, and has become reliant on his skills... He knows what makes him feel good, and he should try to communicate with you on that. He should tell you what feels good. It isn't your fault, as it is only your fault, when you refuse to try to work out with him on these things.

    I had a fling once, and although I didn't lose my virginity, she gave me a handjob... It felt good, but not as good as when I do it.

    Learning what is best for your partner is all a part of a healthy sex life. Don't be ashamed. If he is attracted to you, then figuring it out is the only thing you need to worry about, and I am sure that will come with time, patience, and communication.

    If I may say, in the friendliest way, that he is the LUCKIEST guy to have a woman like you. :)

    • He says I feel a lot better than masturbation- he comes really close, but stops himself. And what do you mean a woman like me? Because I inquire about his sexual health?

    • Well, do you guys wear protection? That also might be another reason. I mean a woman like you, because you are GORGEOUS. Being a virgin myself, if I didn't have anxiety problems getting it up, I would probably last maybe 2 minutes, if I were him hahahaha

    • Oh haha, well thank you. And yes, we use condoms. I’m not on BC yet, but I might get on it so he can stop wearing condoms.

    • Show All
  • Even when he masturbates alone it takes over 30 minutes?

    • Around that, sometimes 20

    • Hmm, I won't be much help. The only thing I could recommend is talking to a doctor. I hope you get this problem resolved :)

  • Maybe during sex he is thinking of someone else,
    Or maybe you both should first watch porn before sex

    • Like I said- he’s very attracted to me. Not thinking of someone else😂 He does not like porn, and it’s not a problem of getting it up. He gets hard instantly.

  • That problem can happen to many men I heard

  • He probably masturbates too much.

  • It takes time in a relationship to bridge each other's limitations and also achieve Intimacy. Not giving specific details here. You need to be more confident and patient. Things will fall into place.

    • We've been together close to a year, and are extremely close and intimate. Please do not make assumptions about my boyfriend. Taking two hours to cum is not a reflection on our "closeness".

    • Well u are missing the point actually. But anyway I m sure both of you will conquer your insecurities. U have enough time to explore each other.

    • Its... not about insecurity... But thank you?

    • Show All
  • You're sweet. I ONLY WISH I had his and your problem.

    But I digress, the answer seems obvious to me. Give him time to become comfortable with your relationship and your couple's routine. 'The Sweet Spot'. I think over time he will relax, get out of his head, and enjoy the moment more fully, and faster! LOL!

    • This of course assumes that there are no drugs, alcohol or undue stressors involved!

  • Don’t try so many positions try one and take it to the limit.

  • I have the same problem. There is something known as 'death grip' were men grip their penis too hard. The body becomes adjusted to this intense stimulus. Once a man has intercourse the difference is too big and his body may take many sessions to adjust to the feeling. Sometimes its not because of gripping too hard but simply because the body has become too adjusted to masturbation and the feeling of his own hand. It will take time. The best thing is to just have sex and for him to stop masturbating during this time of adjustment. There is also another issue why men may not orgasm during sex and its related to anxiety and fear of poor performance, or sometimes anxiety from frustration.

  • You got yourself a beta male

  • Why even continuing after your own orgasm if men don't do so?

    • Please rephrase that till it makes senss

    • Sense*

    • Men often stop having sex as soon as they have an orgasm, and women often end up unsatisfied. If your boyfriend can't be satisfied anyway, why don't you stop having sex after you had your orgasm?

    • Show All
  • Have you ever given him a blowjob?

    • That’s literally stated in the question

    • I noticed that some girls can take a long time to make a guy cum while giving head.. It depends on the technique I guess.. how was making the guys before him orgasm?

    • I was a Virgin before him. He’s my first love and my first sexual partner.

    • Show All
  • He needs to talk with his doctor

  • I had the same problem, the only thing that worked for me was doggystyle no other position worked, it takes me about 2 minutes in that but I never can in any other position, just keep trying different ones

  • I’ll be your boyfriend... and by that mean I have sex... and by that I mean with your mother.

  • Nothing wrong. Its a gift I would say. So smile.

    • Please shut the hell up- having sex for two hours is “not a gift”. And there is something wrong- doctors call it delayed ejaculation

    • Well if he can outlast the girl then its good

  • Don't worry it's a normal thing. The best part is he lasts long in bed. Even i take long to orgasm and that's normal.
    What matters is how he is with oral and fingers...

  • Well the sex is probably awful, as you're both new at it and no amount of reading on the internet is gonna make it any better, any faster. It's more than just sticking a dick in the mouth or vagina

    • "OMG guys, I lost my virginity at long last!! Can you believe it? My sex life is MoRe FaNtAsTiC than yours, and he DeFiNiTeLy finds me AtTrAcTiVe"!!

    • Oh you again. Guy who got creepily obsessed with me and my sex life. You’re getting creepier by the minute

  • You certainly could have gone anonymous for this

    Why didn't you?

    • Hello, @ZeussLightningBolt @JimrSmith found him

    • I'm not either of them, you're pathetic

    • I'm quite certain you're @ZeussLightningBolt Zeuss, if this isn't you and you'd like to comment to prove me wrong, feel free.

    • Show All
  • Show More (6)