Sexual Relationships
1 y

My boyfriend cheated on me because I told him that I will not have sex with him until we get married Is it my fault?

1 2

AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • The only thing that was your fault was that you chose the wrong boyfriend.

    Good riddance!

    =========

    OK, now for a personal story.

    In August 1990, I fell in love with a beautiful smart 22-year old girl at out college. She needed one more semester to get her BS degree. I was 27 and working on a PhD.

    Since I lived in a studio apartment but she had roommates, she often came over to my place and spent the night. As an undead straight healthy male with a beautiful young blonde in my bed, I wanted to have sex. We'd make out, but she wasn't ready to take that next step in our relationship. I was patient - I knew what I had and that I had it good. It had been over a year since I last had sex, but I could wait.

    After some time, I did hint at wanting to go farther. Then, one night while we were in bed, it dawned on me. She was sitting at the head of the bed in the corner with covers clutched to her body. I think I was standing at the foot of the bed.

    I quietly asked, "[her name], are you a virgin?"
    She slowly nodded "yes".
    I said something like "That's OK. We can wait for when you are ready."

    Frankly, I was amazed she was a virgin. She was beautiful and our college was a prominent nerdy STEM school, so it was a giant multi-year sausage party. She literally could have been with any guy any time she wanted. Indeed, I avoided getting into a relationship with her because of Beautiful Girl Syndrome Type II, but that'd take time to explain and I don't want to go off on a tangent.

    About another month or two, I was hoping she'd be ready. Then, she came clean: She didn't want to do it until marriage. I was a little disappointed, but hopelessly in love with this girl. I knew already before the 2-month mark that I wanted to marry her and not having sex for large periods of time was not unknown in my life, so I said "OK, that's fine." and that was the end of it.

    I was lucky enough to be her boyfriend another year and then, after almost 17 months and on her mother's 50th birthday in JAN 1992, she dumped me. I've been devastated for the past 30y 8m and never really recovered from that.

    Now, that you know an important part of my history, I want to say something important...

    >>> You deserve a man who will love you like I loved her. Settle for nothing less.

    But I have more to say that is important...

    I was willing to wait until marriage with that girl and that was easy because I was completely in love with her and fully expected I was going to marry her.

    I don't regret that choice that I made - to wait until marriage to have sex with her. I was 27 and didn't have that much experience with girls or even real life then. Given the situation I was in and who I was back then, I'd make the same choice.

    However, I am 32 years older now. Knowing what I know now about women, relationships, life, and aging, ...

    >>> I would NOT wait for marriage.

    I want to be clear why...

    Because I was involved with her and completely in love with her, I deliberately did not have sex despite what my body wanted. Well, healthy sexuality lasts only so long; like spring flowers, it will ultimately go away. I abstained for 17 months because of a relationship that ultimately failed. That's time when I was sexually healthy that I could not get back. But, worse, I had a devastating heartbreak that basically took me out of circulation for another decade. I had a short rebound LDR in late 1995 and met my wife at the end of 1999, but, really, from 1986 until 2000, I did not have any steady sex. Indeed, including my wife, I've had intercourse with only 5 women and not with the 2 greatest loves of my life. I got married at 38, but my wife and I did not have a great relationship, so that didn't exactly make me want to have sex sometimes, but also, since I lost that other girl in 1992, I took up smoking and smoked until 2002. I was getting ED by 2005 when I was 42.

    In short, I basically wasted my healthy sexuality and I can never get it back.

    But, also, now I know about sexual chemistry and compatibility - that sex may suck between two people because they have two different needs. For instance, a submissive man is not going to be very good at indulging a woman who has fantasies of being dominated or raped. Each of us has kinks or fetishes and, unless our partner is really cool with it, the relationship in the bedroom is not going to be great.

    SOOOOO...

    I DO recommend "sampling the merchandise" - that is, having sex before marriage because, really, the last thing you want to discover just after you get married and, while consummating the marriage, realize "My God! I've made a huge mistake! How do I get out of this?"

    I am serious: Premarital sex is not just an issue of having fun and getting your rocks off before marriage but simply finding out if you two are sexually compatible. When young, if you don't have that, that's going to be a real problem. At my age now, it's not for a variety of reasons, but it's important when you are young like your age.

Most Helpful Guy

  • No it’s his fault. My wife and I were the same - after we started dating she said before we go any further in this relationship, I want you to know I am saving myself for marriage. I said that’s great, me too because that’s the way I was raised and taught to save myself for marriage so that way I or the girl wouldn’t get into any trouble or problems. She was so happy to hear that and we did save ourselves and on 2/28/2008, we got married and had our wedding night together. ❤️🙂

    So no it’s his fault and his loss. Find someone who will respect your wishes and boundaries. 👍🙂

Most Helpful Girls

  • No, you have different beliefs and you are ALLOWED to have those beliefs.

    The fact that he did that shows that he clearly isn't husband material and you should find a man with similar conviction to you. You'll be much happier this way.

    Don't be unevenly yoked.

  • Once a cheater always a cheater. He will use any excuse to defend his actions. I’d definitely dump him

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

Why do men feel entitled to talk to you about sex?
Why do men obsess over sex?
Are men just insecure when it comes to women having lots of naughty sex with men?
How do you give a blowjob when your mouth is too small?

What Girls & Guys Said

10 36

  • No, you are just not compatible.

    Better to find out now than after the wedding.

  • No, you have right to set boundaries and express what you want, he could have said no instead of directly cheating

  • Nope. I hope you dump him as he will probably di it when you are married. Or you can play the fool and put up with it.

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/1_UM9AaUb4k

  • You have your religious and/or moral beliefs. If he does not fit them, then maybe you should find someone who does. There is no "fault" in living up to your beliefs!

  • Yep.

    Hopefully you're not from Michigan, but if a guy wants sex, and you've told him that he will in no way get it from you, he's GOING to get it elsewhere. Why would your own decision impact his desire/ need to have an active sex life?

    I really like my girlfriend (who is also waiting for marriage), which is why I've only had sex with two other girls, but I was never going to give up sex for 1-3 years on the chance we'll get married.

  • Nope. Dump this guy, keep having that standard and in the future find a man who won't just tolerate your beliefs, but shares them with you.

  • good think u didn't do it with him cause he's a bad guy. Save it for a good one.

  • Not your fault, totally.
    The problem just on him. He only need sex on relationship..

  • It’s not your fault, but you caused a weak guy to go elsewhere. You say he’s your boyfriend, not your fiancé. You can’t trust him. Drop him now.

    • No.. he is my fiance he cheated on me while we are engaged

  • It's not your fault, what is your fault is if you stay with him.

  • It's not your fault, but did you really expect a horny 20-something guy to refrain from sex?

    • I did not expect that But I didn't force him to stay with me Why cheating !!

    • Some might ask... Is it cheating if you're not playing the game?

    • Yes, if you are in a committed relationship and you are engaged, it is cheating

    • Show All

  • BIG MISTAKE TO NOT FUCK THE PERSON BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED. BIG MISTAKE

    • But why

    • KNOW OF A FEW (NOT A BIG NUMBER) OF MARRAGES FAIL, OR ONE OR THE OTHER CHEATING BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT COMPATABLE. MY OPINION ONLY, NOT BASED ON STATISTICL EVIDENCE

  • No, it is not. He proved his worth to you. Show him the door.

  • It's always the cheaters fault.
    However, if you aren't a virgin, such a requirement is ludicrous.

    • Yes i am a virgin

    • Then stay true to that, it's his problem he can't wait and be true to you.

    • He cheated on me while we are engaged and preparing to get married 🥺

    • Show All

  • Really shouldn’t you be saying your EX boyfriend. There should be no excuse for cheating.

  • ''Cheating'' is not necessarily due to a fault.

    You just picked a guy who does not share your own ideas.

    And he corrected it on his own behalf.

  • Not your fault at all... you're doing what is right i stand w it

  • You should dump your boyfriend, it's not your fault at all, and you will be bless for waiting to be married to have sex.

  • No, his decisions are not your fault, in this case.

  • No. He decided to date a woman who had those beliefs. He signed up for it 🤷‍♂️
    If it was that much of an issue, then he should of left and found someone who had different beliefs

  • Show More (26)

Latest Questions

Which interracial scenario sounds more sexy and appealing?
What to do if your in love with someone and they are in a relationship?
Is it odd that I enjoy pleasuring myself by dry humping a pillow?
Do you think an older woman almost 40 can be hotter than high school girls?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > My boyfriend cheated on me because I told him that I will not have sex with him until we get married Is it my fault?