My boyfriend doesn't like the idea of dildos. If I didn't tell him, would it be bad to buy one for myself?

Updates:
+1 y
Extra info: I already have a vibrator, so would a dildo be a step too far?
1 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • If it's not that big of a deal to you and you want to play it safe, then don't get one. Like you said, you already have a vibrator. But if it is a big deal and you really want one, get it but don't leave it out or throw it in his face so to speak. If he asks whether you got one, just be honest and own up to it.

    Have you asked him why he doesn't like the idea? He may be worried that you'll grow to like the feel of the dildo more than his own appendage. To be honest, that is a real possibility, so try not to overuse it.

    • It's not a big enough deal to risk a fight or something over, but I'm a little curious. Plus, we're (medium) long distance now. He's said he feels like they are a replacement penis, and that they're more for people who aren't in relationships.

  • If dildos are that important to you, break up with him. Whether he is being reasonable or not, it is wrong to lie and hide things from the person you supposedly love.

    If you can't do what he asks of you, then clearly, you are not right for eachother.

    • That would be an extreme reaction, wow. Dildos are not that important to me, it's not a deal breaker lmao

Most Helpful Girls

  • Well it's not like our boyfriends own our bodies. We're allowed to do anything we want - all guys masturbate as well, us girls sometimes just need a little help = a dildo

    • But is it bad of me to either hide the fact that I'm buying one or to have one and make him feel uncomfortable?

    • No I don't think so - well I have one. He probably hides the fact that he masturbates and when from you, and that's kind of the same thing.

    • That's the thing, we're quite open when it comes to that kind of thing, so I worry that hiding this would create unnecessary friction between us. But at the same time, I'd like to invest in one.

    • Show All
  • He really has no say over your alone time/pleasure. Do you tell him you don't like the idea of him using his hand? lol.

    • But is it wrong to hide it from him, if I know it makes him uncomfortable?

    • I don't think so at all. does he have to tell you when he masturbstes?

    • No..

  • I won't Tell.
    Go Ahead, it's your Bed... And his Loss.
    Good luck. xx

    • What if he found out though, and was upset about it?

    • Only if You tell, how else would he know? xx

    • You make a fair point... But would it be morally ambiguous to conceal the truth from him like that?

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

0 20
  • Just don't by and dildo that is bigger then what your boyfriend is having, or he would be more likely to find out, and be very mad at you for that.

    • I mean "Just don't buy an dildo that is bigger".

    • That makes sense, but why would he be more likely to find out? Also, does that mean you don't think it would be bad to hide it from him?

    • Yes it's can be little bad to hide it from him, it's not an other guy's penis, but still. He would be more likely to find out become bigger dildo can make your vagina more stretched. Also why did you have such an need for dildos when you are having the real deal beside you?

    • Show All
  • Sounds like you have an insecure boyfriend. Just like a girl that doesn't like her man watching porn. It's not like you said you want to use it on him? Get it.

    • Would it be bad to hide it from him though?

    • No... if he is so insecure I'd hide it from him. It's not like you're hooking up with another guy... which is the other option;-)

    • I mean, true haha- I'd never hook up with someone else though!

  • Get what you want and use it as much as you like when he isn't there.

    I'm just sorry he isn't in to what ever helps make you feel great pleasure.

    • Isn't it wrong to hide it from him though?

    • If your boyfriend doesn't want you to be able to pleasure yourself in whatever way you see fit, I think THAT is wrong. If you guys have great sex on your own then that is fine. But if you need help or you want something for when you are all alone then you should get it. I think one of his concerns MAY be that he is afraid that you will get something that is bigger than he is. So maybe you might take that into consideration before buying one. Please let me know if I can help more.

    • That does all make sense, I'm just worried about making him uncomfortable, especially if I tell him about it instead of hiding it. Thanks for your advice :)

    • Show All
  • If it's for YOU, then it doesn't matter. Just don't bring it out for play time.

    • Is it wrong to hide it from him though, when I know the idea makes him uncomfortable?

    • Well, there are a few answers to that. First, you could view it as "wrong", yes. Second, it doesn't involve him so he doesn't get to be uncomfortable about it. Third, you're not sexually compatible and shouldn't be together.

    • Isn't he entitled to his opinion? Where have you got the third answer from?

    • Show All
  • Yes. They cause cervical cancer.

    • Evidence?

    • I don't know... they're made of plastic. You don't know where the plastic is from. California has banned certain types of plastics because they can cause cancer. See what the Surgeon General says.

    • Generally, one would put a condom on it first haha.

    • Show All
  • guys are afraid that the dildo is bigger than them and will wear you out. now i understand this is stupid but maybe strike a deal xD ask him if a dildo smaller than his dick is ok. if he still says no, do it anyway :P

    • Would it be wrong to buy one and hide it from him though?

    • well if you plan on marrying him later on, you´d probably go the open and honest way. but usually at that age you`re still messing around so fuck him xD as long as he gets what he desires, he shouldn´t complain.

    • Valid point, well made. Thanks for commenting! :)

    • Show All
  • Go ahead and buy one. He won't always be there when you are horny.

    • But would it be bad to buy one knowing he's uncomfortable with it? Or to hide it from him?

    • Are you an adult? Yes. You can make your own decisions. Its your money not his. Tell him it doesn't replace his dick nothing would but sometmes he won't be there. I woukdnt hide it. Womem up and tell him how it is. Plus it's always easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission lol.

    • That does make sense- thank you! :)

    • Show All
  • I don't think so, as long as you are not using it in place of him.

    • I would never do that! But is it bad to hide it from him?

    • I think at times little white lies are fine. In this case I don't think so. But keep in mind what would happen if he found it. Probably not a problem if you don't live together.

    • As in you don't think it's bad to hide it?

    • Show All
  • You gotta do what you gotta do! Go for it!

    • You don't think it's morally ambiguous to hide it from him?

    • Nah, if he has a problem with it, he needs to get over his insecurities.

  • Just buy it. Why doesn't he like the idea of dildos?

    • He doesn't like the idea of them, because they are, in his mind, replacement penises, for people who aren't in a relationship, I guess. Do you think it would be wrong for me to hide it from him if I did buy one?

    • No, I don't think it's wrong. Buy it and hide it. Does he never masturbate in this relationship, then?

    • He does, but he doesn't use toys. He's suggested in the past that me having a dildo would be akin to him having a fleshlight (Which I'd actually be fine with, though I don't think I've told him that).

    • Show All
  • Do whatever the fuck you want. isn't up to him

    • What if he finds out though? It might hurt his feelings

    • Just try and hide it well haha

    • Is it morally ambiguous to hide the truth from him though?

    • Show All
  • why doesn't he get his own toys?

    • What do you mean?

    • I don't know. I guess he'd feel uncomfortable about it? I'm not sure, we've never really discussed it.

    • Show All
  • He's just insecure, you gotta take of yourself when he's not available, right?

    • But is it morally ambiguous for me to hide it from him? Or bad for me to make him uncomfortable by buying one?

    • Does he describe every time he jacks off to you? I think it's fine.

    • No, why? What if I buy one and he finds out and gets upset that I didn't tell him?

    • Show All
  • if he's too insecure to let you use a dildo, then go find yourself a real man.. a real man wouldn't feel like he will lose you to a piece of rubber

    • It's nothing to do with 'letting', I just don't want to make him uncomfortable.

    • like i said, if he can't handle you using a dildo, then he's not man enough. you have the right to use one

    • a dildo shouldn't be a step too far, but considering who your boyfriend is, it will be a step too far

    • Show All
  • you're not using it on him.. why should he care if you have one.. just dont tell him

    • Is it not morally ambiguous to hide something like that from him though? When he's uncomfortable with the idea?

    • Wife had one for quite some time before I knew about it. I feel its no big deal.

    • So it's not wrong to hide the fact from him?

    • Show All
  • It depends on how big it is.

    • Why? Irrespective of size, would it be wrong to buy one and hide it from him?

    • Because if it to big, your boyfriend won't be able to compete with, and it will ruin your sex life. Some of those things no man can compete with

    • I see. You have a fair point, and that does make sense. Thanks for commenting :)

  • Get one smaller than him.

    Tell him one his size would hurt because you're not turned on enough on your own to take one so big.

    Hopefully he buys that.

    • That's just even more lying, why does that help?

  • You plan on giving him anal sex with the dildo?

    • No, I plan on using it for myself?

    • Why? I bet he have a small penis and after sex when he leaves you use your vibrator to pleasure yourself because he never gets the work done

    • Because we're long (medium) distance now. That's not what happens at all though.

    • Show All
  • No, that's just wrong

    • What aspect is wrong? Me buying a dildo when he's uncomfortable with the idea?

    • Yes, of course

    • What about it is wrong, in your opinion? I do think it's a bit morally ambiguous tbh, but I'm curious about your opinion.

    • Show All
  • thats not how it works. you dont let anybody boss you around like that. Its your choice, he isn't your keeper. He is insecure and feels that somehow that a toy would do better than him. In his logic, you can also tell him to stop playing with himself too but its ok for him, right? tell him you made your choice and its final, dont ask him if its alright. Thats just opening a door to a world of submissive tendencies.

    • But is it bad of me to make him uncomfortable?

    • did he make you uncomfortable with his decision that he vindicates what you can and can't do?

    • if so, you are just dealing with a uncomfortable situation that he got you into. also, if he tries and says no tell him to stop playing with his self too.

    • Show All