My boyfriend got sexual with me while I was drunk, I don't know what to do?

So I've let him know that I'm not comfortable with kissing in public many times and he keeps whining and tries to make me do it. We've had few fights about this. Long story short I got drunk, he didn't drink he kissed and made out and did other things like touching certain spaces while we were in a club. I don't remember much of it. He told me things that I don't remember doing at all. I only know this that if I was sober i wouldn't have allowed it to happen. But he didn't force me into anything so I'm in a dilemma if it's right or wrong?
Updates:
2 mo
To let everyone know I did not initiate it as he has let me know he was the one to start it and continue it and yeah I do remember saying no when drunk and he didn't follow through I also did push him but yeah I was drunk and wasn't firm enough with my words. I'm not trynna create any drama here thsnkyou
0 2

Superb Opinion

  • I don’t really think this is even something that has a right or a wrong it’s just like an “eye roll” lol

    There isn’t enough context, you may have been drunk but did you like make a pass at him first? I want to be clear I understand boundaries and it's important to establish them and communicate in a relationship. But you said you “don’t remember” things that happened and you also said he “didn’t force” you, which means in some way, subtle or obvious he thought you gave him a green light to go ahead in that moment, which means he wasn’t taking advantage of you.. which means you shouldn’t be upset. It sounds like a misunderstanding and trust me a guy isn’t gonna understand why he’s being “punished for loving you” (that’s how he will frame this in his head.)

    Here’s how you fix this: Next time, if you’re gonna drink and he is going to be sober, then right before, **while you’re still sober** tell him “I’m gonna drink, even if I get drunk, remember the boundaries I set, you can’t touch me or kiss me or anything.” Then if he does he’s at fault.

    This is like… not something to be upset about, life’s too short and it sounds like you have a guy who loves you, he could be doing way worse things.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You are allowed to set boundaries, and he needs to respect them, but you are also responsible for your own behavior. If you get drunk and start behaving in ways that you wouldn't do sober, that is YOUR responsibility and no one else's. Being drunk does not exempt you from the consequences of your own actions and behaviors. If that means you can't drink in certain situations, then that's what it means.

    • i did not initiate anything sexual with him that being said I also wasn't firm with my words as I was too intoxicated. I did say no and pushed him a few times that's it. And yeah I do regret it, it was my first time drinking

    • This says exactly what I would have said.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It is wrong because you set a boundary with him and he took advantage of you while you were drunk. I honestly wouldn’t give this person any more of your time, especially a man who can’t take no for an answer and takes advantage of you in a vulnerable state.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 13
  • At this point there is nothing you can do, other than re-evaluate this relationship, as I believe you need to re-consider whether he is the type of boyfriend you want to be with or not. Prior to you getting drunk, as you stated, you had multiple fights about not feeling comfortable kissing in public and yet he took advantage of your intoxication to satisfy his needs in public. Whether or not you gave him any sexual vibe (made pass at him) at the club, he should not have violated your boundaries! Period! In some countries, this is by law borderline to be considered sexual violence since you said no and pushed him away a few times. As a man myself it is appalling to see other men here believe he didn’t do anything wrong or that you are the one to blame for getting drunk. In a relationship, you should be treated with respect and so should your boundaries, wants and needs.

  • Although, he should have not taken it any further knowing that you would have said no, it sounds to me like you had your faculties about you enough to continue with a firm no and chose not to.

    So when it comes down to it, you both are responsible for what happened and seems to me that your just regretting your choice now.

    If you don't like what happened and feel as though he took advantage of you regardless, than that says a lot about his character that he would press the matter while you were drunk. If it were me, I would tell him last warning and if he tries it again he's dumped.

  • he probably made it up to tease you. you would remember if any traumatic stuff.

  • There is nothing to do, it is not like he did anything wrong or anything. After all he's is your boyfriend. It seems you are just creating drama here when there isn't any. As you have already admitted, he did not force you so.

    • He told me he didn't force me and by that I meant I didn't push him away firmly or smth like that but I did say no to him a few times which I remember.

  • He took advantage of you - it's not cool

  • Only you can decide that. That said, you need firmer boundaries with him and more discipline for yourself.

  • You are an adult responsible for yourself in this situation. Try dating someone who actually respects you.

  • To me, your boyfriend sexually assaulted you, as a drunk person, whose faculties have been dulled by excessive alcohol consumption, cannot legally consent to sexual activity. Seek legal counsel about this situation, though you should also speak to your boyfriend about what he did to you

  • You can't consent while intoxicated

  • Break up

  • 1) it’s assault.
    2) he’s a douche and not your friend.
    3) you need to watch who you get drunk around. Your real friends wouldn’t have allowed it.
    4) could put in a cop report and get him on the radar. That would also prob scare him away.

  • Drunk idiot.

  • I was at the club and you where all over him so learn to control yourself better

  • You are in control of your own body, not him.