My boyfriend has a foot fetish and I’m a bit confused with his feelings with me, any advice?

[Anonymous]

So I caught my boyfriend chatting girls for their feet, I secretly watch their conversations without him knowing but he only asks for a sole feet, video or bug crush. When he gets what he wants he deletes the conversation, either block the girl or restrict. So 1 day, I told him about it, he opened it up to me that for years he’s been doing it and never had a good connection with someone just me. He told me that he would stop it, so we lived together and he stopped doing it, I believe because I secretly still know all of his pw & checking. Sometimes he does want me to crush but he never pressure me to do it. If we have sex we don’t incorporate it, because he knows i’m not into it. He also told me that he’s addicted to sex before he met me, we had so many sex in the beginning but now even we slept in 1 bed if I say I’m tired he respects me, he don’t push me to do it. He cares for me, cries for me, and if we are together he said that he’s focus on me and taking care, loving me is enough for him. He said that he suffer from not having sex daily that he is used to bfore but with me he learned how to respect and understand that it’s not only about sex. But when we went LDR, he chat random girls again, but only focus on feet and soles nothing else but for me it still breaks my heart bcos i’m thinking am I not enough? He explained to me that it was nothing, it’s just he’s addicted with feet and he dont want to do it with me bcos he’s ashamed of his fetish. He told me that even from the start he didn’t ask about my foot (which is true) like other girls bcos he wanted to have a normal relationship with me. But I am afraid that maybe he’s not into me and seek other girls. I’m bothered that he will find someone else. But he always tell me that he would never have the same connection with other girls. I asked him why he don’t do it to me? He said “I don’t think of u that way” I love him that’s why I accept it even it’s hard but I don’t know what to believe. Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

One thing I’ve always said to people (including myself at one point) is that if you make the choice to give your ex another chance as a boyfriend/girlfriend, then you have to give them the benefit of the doubt, and live in that decision. This means letting go of his past mistakes, genuinely working to trust him, and basically a clean slate. All of these doubts and insecurities you still struggle with to the point that you secretly keep his pw’s should’ve been more than enough to keep you from giving him another chance, and stay away. Would the breakup have hurt? Absolutely, that is part of it. But at least you would have peace of mind, rather than going through this internal struggle every day. Moral of the story is that if he is currently giving you reason to question his intentions and what he’s doing behind your back, and his reassurance isn’t enough then do you both a favor and leave that relationship. But if you are going to stay, then this has to stop. All of that fear, insecurity and doubt needs to be left in the past, and you must commit to a fair new chance. Arguably it sounds like he is a very troubled man when it comes to his fetishes, and maybe it’s a sign that rather than be with someone, he should stay single and work on himself, because these traits don’t vanish overnight and take some serious work to get rid of. Maybe that is a journey for him to take alone.

[Asker]

WOW!!! WHAT I NEEDED MOST. You are right! This I will go back and read when the day comes that we will meet again, we actually talked about the situation, i told him im gonna break up with him but obviously we can’t do it. So we said that for the mean time we will understand each other as we are both busy with our lives and we will deal with it for 1 one week, we will talk 1 hour everyday personally about it before he goes away. What I plan is what you said, if I stay it should stop or else I will let him be free so I’ll have peace of mind, no insecurities and at least he will find himself what he truly desire in life

[Opinion Owner]

Yep! I do get where you’re coming from, as I once dated a guy with such a foot fetishization that he made and only fans for foot worship, and he also worked next to a nail salon specifically to be able to see women’s pretty painted toes when they walked out. He’d even get pedicures just so he could sit and watch all the scrubbing, cleaning, etc (which he didn’t tell me at first). I tried accommodating his fetish within my comfort zone, until I realized I was NOT comfortable doing those things at all. He was a great guy in many other areas, but would not let the feet stuff go and it was a problem for me. At the end of the day, YOU come first, not only your mental health but just general peace of mind. If his habits are not for you, then you can’t be so afraid of losing him that you lose yourself trying to accommodate him. Find a man who you don’t have to worry about, even if it takes time to find him. I know it will hurt — it hurt me as well. But you will get through it just how you got through other breakups you thought you’d never recover from.

[Asker]

Thank you so much, yes but I hope that he will be able to overcome his fetish. I want us to do counseling to make it work. It’s hard because I felt that he loves me but he can’t really control his fetish when I am away. I want him to fight his mental or sexual need of his fetish.

[Fireguy17]

Why not surprise him and give him a footjob, or if you are giving him a hand job turn around and stick your feet in his face.
Like you said he is embarrassed about it, but it is easier to ask a total stranger than you
You may like it, you may not and he might be thinking it may turn you off, or you may leave him.
I like feet as well, and most women that I have been with liked it, some not really, and some were no way.
My wife enjoys it, she loves her feet tickled as she is cumming, she says it makes her orgasms stronger, more nerves are being stimulated.
Plus the benefit of having a lot of shoes.
I'm not sure why he is that embarrassed about, next to having a boob fetish I think it is the next most popular fetish.
It might not hurt to try.
Just remember to have some lube and a towel near by.
If/when he cuts on your feet you are not walking to the bathroom to clean them up.
It might not hurt to try.
If you need ideas just got to the internet, any porn site, type in foot fetish, or anything related to feet and you will find plenty of ideas.
Good luck.

[charon142]

Well what I understood from my experience, you don't have to like or be into what he likes, you just have to see how you can handle it
when you're in a relationship it's not always about what you like, it's about what both of you enjoy and how you can fulfill the others' needs at its time

my girlfriend is really into nipple play which is not something weird but it's something I can not relate to, but I do it anyway cause first of all it's not harmful (like some other fetishes) and second, it gives me the pleasure of watching her go in heaven

[Asker]

Yes I totally agree, I am thankful that he doesn’t push me to do his fetish, instead he loves me the way I wanted to be loved. Regarding with his fetish, I actually shouldn’t have problem if he just search for a random photo in web, what I don’t like is him having real connection with someone. That’s what I am afraid of. During our conversation earlier, he cried that he loves and misses me so much so I cried as well. He said that he always watch my photos and videos and our memories together. I guess what makes him too attached with me isn’t related to his fetish but our own language, our intimacy. But I am just confused, scared and I don’t know how to trust and handle his fetish.

[charon142]

You're right to be confused, trust is the most important part of a relationship, and when you can't trust someone things will slowly start to fall apart if you want to fix this before it's too late, the first thing you want to fix is trust. go to him (if it's possible) and tell him how you feel, it doesn't matter that he looks at your pictures and videos and cries, cause he'll do that when you break up with him as well, if he brought up his fetish tell him you'll help him handle his fetish, tell him you'll give him sexy foot pics, you'll let him lick them, you'll give him footjobs tell him you'll do what you think is your part of this relationship, and ask him will he do his and can you trust him

[charon142]

and if you caught him again "cheating" on you then I think you might wanna reconsider your choices and future fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

[Asker]

Thank you for this!

[charon142]

No Problem 👍

[Guy13]

So, you have both discussed this and you have offered your feet to him, right? And he refused, right?

[Asker]

He didn’t refused, he wants it actually. When we are together sometimes I bug crush, but with sex we have pleasure without doing it, it makes him more pleasurable when I cum a lot. But now we are away and I caught him again. He asked what if I do it for him? I said I don’t want because I’m not into it. He said that we will figure and talk about it once we are together again.

[Asker]

Also he said he don’t want to pressure me and when he thinks of me, he doesn’t imagine me in a wrong way, for him when he imagine me he sees my smile, my face when I’m grumpy. That’s what he said. Also when we are together it seems like he has no fetish, he stopped it. So I was shocked that it went back again now that we are away.

[Guy13]

At least you both are willing to talk it out when he returns. That sounds positive. Hopefully that will go well for you both.

[Asker]

Okay, so to be clear when I first caught him I said I’m not comfortable doing it that’s why he stopped and we don’t incorporate it in sex, because even without it we are okay. We feel really attached just by having normal sex. Then when we went LDR, I caught him again and asked why is he doing it again. And he said that it’s his addiction and something about his mind. I asked him why are you asking other girls not me? He said that he didn’t think of me that way, and when he imagine me, he imagines my smile, my grumpiness, my sweet talks, etc. Then I told him that I am hurting because I don’t want him to talk with other women. And so he said that what if you send it to me instead I ask of them? I said you know it’s not my thing. I love you but I don’t want. Let’s deal with it personally but for now we are away, okay ask to them as long as it’s just about feet to meet your needs. Nothing else. He just want me to trust him that is just feet and he loves me so much in his way. So that’s it.

[Asker]

Thank you so much!

[Avicenna]

That‘s a serious problem.

[Asker]

It is :(

[Iron_Man]

have a serious conversation work it all out

[Asker]

Do you think that he really love me?

[Iron_Man]

There’s a good chance of it have high hopes how often does he tell you I love you?

[Asker]

Also, I want him to stop it because he already did it before when we lived together. It’s just going back because we are away

[Iron_Man]

Talk to him seriously

[Asker]

Always, if I fight him he always chase me. He does everything I want. He serves me food, takes care of me, he treats me like a queen. I’m the first woman that he introduced to his family. He said that he never cried so much for someone and he always does cry when he’s telling me that he’s missing me and having a hard time without me. He said that he sees me anywhere he goes. And when I talk to people around him without him knowing they said that he’s talking about me all the time to them. Non stop.

[Iron_Man]

Maybe one day you guys will be married stay in touch with him and talk every day

[Asker]

I can really feel his attachment to me at the same time how patient he is to me if I’m super grumpy. He’s the one always patient with me actually. But also for a person without a fetish, I don’t want him to chat to other girls. Well, if I see the messages I don’t get mad at him, I just check if it’s only the feet he is asking, if he blocks and deletes the convo I feel relieved actually. I just don’t want to see him having real connection with the women. Only with me. That’s what I want to be assured. Also, I’m hoping that sooner we will be able to stop it really because he told me that it punishes him as well and he’s not proud of it. I’m actually thankful that he’s telling it to me honestly.

[Iron_Man]

This sounds great but it bothers me to hear that he talks to other women he shouldn’t be talking to anybody I hope you guys really work out

[Asker]

Thank you so much, yes me too! I am bothered with him talking and asking for feet. I would prefer him searching random photos. He said that it pleasures him when a woman does it for him. Then after the woman sends it, poof! Deleted conversation, restricted or blocked.

[Iron_Man]

That’s weird sooner or later he’s gonna have to stop that

[Iron_Man]

And you are very welcome

[Iron_Man]

I’m gonna have a light lunch it was good talking to you

[Asker]

Yes, that I will make him stop to chat and I want to help him fight it mentally. Thank you also, you were very helpful. Take care :)

[Iron_Man]

Thank you so much I really appreciate this

[loveslongnails]

You're his "normal" and it makes him feel "ok" because he feels weird and abnormal for having the fetish. He can't reconcile the two things in the same woman. That's why he deletes or blocks immediately afterwards, because he feels guilty, abnormal and dirty/weird.

I don't believe it has ANYTHING to do with your connection to him - that's a totally separate issue. Either he's into YOU, or he's not. He'll ALWAYS be into feet.

[Guardian45]

Simple solution. Lovers compromise to please each other. You want to keep from straying? Encourage and engage him to play with your feet. Bend your rules and let him enjoy your feet. Isn't his love worth it?

[WhiteBoyChill]

Well for one thing its definitely shitty of him to be texting other girls.

But if you insist on staying with him, I get that maybe feet aren’t your thing and that’s ok. But either way I’d just try giving him a footjob because it really can’t be that bad.

[Asker]

Thank you for that!

[Yellovv]

Don't reject him give him what he need, talk with him what he want or what he like, for example polish your toes with different colours and wear sexy socks, he will like it...

[Asker]

Yes we talked about that too, and we plan that when we meet we will have sex a lot but he didn’t mention to me about the feet thing. He just wants to have genuine sex with me

[Yellovv]

Maybe he is shy about it, is he talk about it or you just find out?

[Asker]

I found it out then he opened up to me. I forgave him. He stopped while we are together then he did it again because we are LDR. I talked to him again and he opened up to me that if we are together he’s not longing for it but now we are away it keeps coming back

[Yellovv]

I have foot fetish too but this is coming from childhood memory I can't help it, when I was child I saw our neighbours daughter she was polishing her toes when I saw her feet like that I felt something, after that time when I see well-groomed female feet I like it...

[Anonymous]

Your boyfriend needs help!

[Asker]

Yes that’s true