When it comes to your boyfriend, is it all about sex? Or do you get the feeling that he loves you too?
In my experience, fetishes are generally about sex. For instance, I have a fart fetish. My girlfriend farts for me but I still love her for who she is and, with her and I, most of the times that I think of us in terms of race are when other people say something.
Also, are you sure that it's a fetish? Could it just be a preference? I remember that I always said that my dream girl was Asian when I was younger. My girlfriend does happen to be Asian, but that had no bearing on me falling in love with or being with her.
I am with a Southeast Asian girl. It is not a fetish. Yes, I prefer her slender, youthful figure. Yes, I prefer her warm brown skin tone. Yes, I prefer her thick, straight black hair that requires almost no maintenance. Yes, I prefer that she needs no make up. Yes, I prefer her nurturing (not freakish) approach to sex.
But it is her love for me, for family, for children and for friends that I prefer the most. Compared to Western women, I feel like I'm cheating "the system" every time I look at her. Your boy friend needs to get his mind straight.
He loves you for who you are- the fact that you're Asian is like the cherry on top.
(My boyfriend always goes on and on about how much he loves my blonde hair+blue eyes. It gets annoying and I tell him to stop or I'll dye my hair dark again but... whatever. I mean, would you prefer to be told that your boyfriend had a fetish for white girls so that you could be certain he's with you for solely your personality?)
Being told that certain features of yourself are beautiful is completely different than being told you're a turn on because of your race. There are literally people in the Middle East who think it's okay to rape white women because their exposure to western porn has sexualized the race and that is not okay.
@OjosOscuros2 I'm pretty sure that most of the stories I've heard about rapes in the Middle East were on non-white women but okay then. Also, not all western porn involves white women. Since you're clearly bothered by being made to feel desired, simple solution- tell your boyfriend you want him to tell you you're fugly and he feels in no way physically attracted to you and I'm sure all will be well.
Don't go to India seriously or else you're in for a culture shock of a lifetime if you choose to be this naive. I'm merely trying to educate here. Actually experienced plenty white guys who wouldn't take me seriously because they thought I was the "hot sexy" Latina stereotype. No thank you I have more self respect.
I'd feel disrespected. Fetishes are sometimes temporary and obviously sexual in nature. So he's basically saying you're there for a short time to fulfill his sexual desires. He's not seeing you as a person with feelings that happens to be Asian, he's seeing you as an exotic experience.
wow, those are some pretty daunting conclusions to come to with so little info :(
Little information? He pretty much said the same word fetish which has a strong sexual connotation. You have to be a naive moron not to understand that.
As Matthew W Hughey discusses in his article, "Making Everyday Microaggressions: An Exploratory Experimental Vignette study on the Presence and Power of Racial Microaggressions", Asian and Latino/Hispanic people were most likely to experience exoticization. The term exotic, and being sexually interested in someone for their exotic traits, has become problematic when describing persons of color as it marginalizes their culture, reminding them that they are not a part of the norm, and their traits (physical and cultural) are considered as a part of the other.
personally i've always tried to avoid the men who i find out have a fetish for my race
weve been dating for 7 months now. I just found out yesterday. It doesn't really change what i feel or think of him. This is just a question in the back of my head.
if he has other redeeming qualities just stay
I agree with coco. It sound like you have attachment now. If other things are good in relationship and it look like he is not ONLY with you because that I do not think it is so bad.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!That probably wasn't the smartest thing for him to say, but there are over 1 billion women of Asian descent and he picked you :)
true that :D
What difference does it make why he loves you? If he loves you then he loves you, that ought to be enough.
Hey, I'm hoping to meet an Asian hottie too.
Its just a question in the back of my mind. weve been dating for 7 months now, he told me about this fetish yesterday. It doesn't change my feelings for him though.
Who a Person LOVES... has Little to do with fetishes.
He had those fetishes, WAY BEFORE he ever met you... which means they have nothing to do with his love for you.
Fetish is all about honesty and compromise...
If he wishes to have an Asian girl... then you have to make rules as to if you are involved/watch, etc. Also I say if he has a fantasy... he "HAS TO", be willing to do one of your's. If not then it's NO DEAL.
sex and attraction is a big factor when it comes to love... does he treat you lie a sex object or is he sweet and loving?
He's sweet and loving. Never done anything sexual with him yet
oh see, then yeah he went after you because like everyone he has a certain type of person he is attracted to... and you fit the bill!
be happy. it doesn't make you any less special
Of all the guys you have had sex with (or kissed if you prefer), what percent are Asian and what percent are not?
It is pretty rare that I run across a guy who only dates Asian women (except those that live in Asia of course). But I meet Asian women that only date white men all the time.
Because you're Asian. He wouldn't be with you if you were something else. He pretty much told you that
The whole attraction to Asian women thing is labelled and demonized a lot more than is really necessary. And on a flip side, we could even argue that Asian women have a White fetish because so many of them only want white men and feel like they're superior.
If he likes you for your race it's what he likes. Look it at this way: he won't want anyone else.
the ones who want white men in Japan anyway are gaijin hunters. i remember a dude who i watch did a video on them where they only date foreigners as to have a trophy
it's like. liking burger king over McDonald's. there is still a variety of food they may like. but they like in general burger king over McDonald's.
it really depends a preference and fetish are different. a fetish is more so purely sexual while a preference is everything put together.
though almost half the worlds populous is Chinese so if it is some 'fetish" why you? he could pick literally anyone else as Asians make up almost 50% of the world's population. which is why I don't think its a fetish and more so a preference. lest he would fuck any girl who happens to be Asian but you would not be in a relationship then
We're in a ldr for 7months now. I just happened to about this fetish thing yesterday. So I don't know anything from what he's doing to who he talks to everyday aside from what he tells me and we haven't done any sexual act either. But in all honesty, It doesn't change what i think or feel about him. This is just a question in the back of my mind.
it just means that Asians are more attractive to you than caucasian ones. everybody chooses the person to date for superficial reasons. but since he´s your boyfriend, he obviously likes you for more than that by now.
Ehhhh I wouldn't date anyone with an objectifying fetish like that. It's totally fine to be attracted to anybody but an attraction purely based on objectifying stereotypes isn't good.
our compilation of fetishes and kinks defines the type of people we are attracted to and eventually fall in love with.
ok. You're Asian and you're like "does he love me for me"? Like what The hell?
racism is stupid. I can't get behind think one race is prettier, better than another but you ARE Asian. so what are you even asking.
sounds like with his fetish he won't have to go online for it since he got u
Erm.. the thing is. We met online. in a ldr for 7 months now.
whats ldr?
long distance relationship
I have white fetish
nd don't worry its ok
what can I say I m an Asian too!
He might not understand what he is saying
I usually don't like girl kpop fans or anime fans who try flirt with me because of that reason.
You should wonder. It's called Yellow Fever.
jungle fever winter fever. lets be honest that term is bullshit to describe even those who do just have a fetish
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