My boyfriend has extreme sexual fantasies and sometimes it scares me?

Some of my boyfriends fantasies are hardcore. For example, rape fantasies (which I also have) but to the next level where it happens in public, and he’s masked so I don’t really know if it’s him, and he ties me up and puts me in the boot of his car etc. Other ones where I’m in a gang bang and I’m dp-ed etc. Do most guys have such perverse fantasies? How do I tell my boyfriend they scare me?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Not to that level, no. I am extremely kinky and do often dream of rape fantasies and such, but never to that extent... but, everyone does have their own fetishes and such. So in reality, there isn't a "normal" when it comes to this kinda thing, every person is different. If you need to get the ball rolling on a conversation about it, maybe ask him for a list of "turn offs" of things he doesn't like, and then you give him yours, with several details of his fantasies sprinkled throughout. That way you are on the topic and it will be easier to talk about.

Most Helpful Girls

  • If it scares you, you have every right to say 'no' and not participate. Just be honest with him. Pretty much everyone has fantasies to some degree but in any relationship, it's normal that our partner may not be into ALL of the same things we are. That's okay. Just tell him that you aren't comfortable with some of his fantasies and if he loves and respects you, he will understand. I do think it would be nice though to also let him know which fantasies you ARE comfortable with (if there are any) so he knows what to expect.

  • Yes, lots of guys think like that. But that’s what they are.. fantasies. If you’re scared of him actually trying these things, be honest and open about what you do and don’t like. That simple 🤷🏼‍♀️

  • I mean a lot of guys HAVE fantasies that they never act out, but if it bothers you just say so. It's not a big deal to say: "Hey that's too much for me, I'm not gonna be into that."

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 33
  • Those are his fantasies. Many men have fantasies which they never want to make come true. Has he expressed a desire to do these things IRL?

  • just tell him you hear his fantasies but you are uncomfortable about some of them.

    no not all guys or people have those types of fantasies

  • Hell no. That's pretty out there. I think he's too much into the kink. com porn. But like fantasies should scare a person really.

  • That's pretty extreme, if you're not comfortable doing it then you should say so.

  • Most guys have such fantasies, but not with their girlfriends, but rather with some random chick.

  • You need to tell him that's not your cup of tea.

  • There are definitely people out there who enjoy it, but if you're not one of them just tell him. Either he understands and either takes it a bit more slowly or even stops it completely, or he's possibly not exactly sane and you might want to be a bit careful

  • No not "most guys" but some. And just tell him they scare you and why. Chances are though that's all they are. Fantasies. He'll never act on them. The thoughts of it just excite him. But do talk about it with him and share your concerns.

  • To much porn

    • This. Porn rewires the damn brain

    • Did you mean: not enough porn?

    • You are 17. Give it 10 more years and your brain is done for

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  • He may have a porn addiction and either way make him quit watching porn. PORN KILLS YOUR LIFE. It makes you want to manifest fetishes into reality and that what he is doing. Help him quit these fantasies!!! SERIOUSLY THEY CAN BE DANGEROUS< GET HIM HELP

    • Though I occasionally watch porn and don't have such fetishes.

  • You would let him know he might get to an extreme

  • That would concern me. As long as it stays in the fantasy realm, that's fine. But to do a rape fantasy as you describe in public runs a high risk of winding up in police custody (or worse) until the matter is sorted out. In many US states, he could be shot by a well intentioned armed citizen thinking they are witnessing a kidnapping under the "defense of others" doctrine.

  • Those do sound extreme, but not crazy. There are all kinds of fantasies out there. Its awesome that he shared them with you, but just tell him what aspects are too much for you. It's ok to not be into something as well.

  • Nope , i don't like them type of fantasies and find them kind of broad and yes they could scary , i would never have them type of fantasies towards a girl.

  • No, most guys don't have. And no, it is not normal. And yes, if you feel scary about it - it's a major red flag.

    You have to understand that sexuality and sexual needs do NOT happen in a vacuum, but are an extension of the self. From the way it sounds like I would assume your boyfriend has some major suppressed violent and sadistic urges.

  • I don't crave that much realism and I've never met anyone who did.

  • The fact that he's shared that with you shows he's very comfortable and trusting of you. Rest assured many guys have those kinds of fantasies. I don't understand how it would scare you if you trust him and much as he trusts you. You're clearly not ready to be intimate with him.

  • if you are uncomfortable with it , let him know. sit down and talk. if he is not willing to compromise , then leave!

  • He sounds like someone with psychopathy.

  • um unless you enjoy the rape play and DP's and you guys have a safe word.. I'd get the fuck out..

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