My boyfriend has had sex with men. Red flag?

My boyfriend recently admitted to me that he has had sexual intercourse with two different men in the past. He swears that he is not gay and that it was just a "phase" that he went through. He claims that he was just curious, but is for sure not a homosexual man. I do not know what to think. Is this a red flag? What should I do? I think about the fact that he has had gay sex all the time, and it really bothers me.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • It isn't a red flag. Like dnately mentioned, sexuality is fluid and can change over time. He was bisexual and experimenting, now he has decided he only likes women. Or perhaps he is still bisexual, but is worried about being labeled as a homosexual. I would ask him more about being bisexual, telling him that its fine to have an interest is both sexes, as long as he's only really interested in you :)

    Him having had gay sex shouldn't be looked at any differently than having "straight" sex, its simply a past lover, an experience he once had.

    He probably trusts you a lot for him to tell you this (it seems pretty personal), so I'd take it as a good sign.

  • I don't agree with everyone who is saying it's a red flag. So, he has slept with men in the past. He told you about it, didn't he? He's not hiding it. Some men are straight, some are gay...and some are bisexual. If he told you about other women he's slept with, that wouldn't be a "red flag", but because his past partners were male it makes a difference? That's not fair at all. One of my best friends is a bisexual male. He has slept with guys in the past, and is currently almost at the three year mark in his relationship with his girlfriend. If you leave him for having sexual relationships with men IN THE PAST, that is pretty dumb of you, IMO.

  • He's probably bisexual. I'm sure he's attracted to you and likes you, it's just that he's attracted to both guys and girls. If that really bothers you then you might want to reconsider the relationship, but it is in no way a "red flag". He's being honest with you. He's not going to automatically cheat on you or like you less just because he's been with guys. Everything that happened was in the past, his future is about you. I would never break up with a guy for being bisexual/bicurious, but it's up to you.

    • I do not have a problem with him being bi-sexual. It is the fact that he will not admit it, and claims he is straight and not attracted to men. It makes me wonder, then, how could you have sex with one? You know? He said it was just "sex", and that worries me.

    • Try telling him that you have no problem with him even if he's bi. As you can see from this question, there's a lot of negativity associated with a guy who's bi. If this was a girl we were talking about not many would have an issue, but since it's a guy all of a sudden it's a big problem. I have a feeling he was saying all of that because he's afraid you'd leave if he admitted he's attracted to guys too. Talk it out with him, he'll be more comfortable knowing you're okay with his sexuality.

  • I'm jealous just anyway no way would I be able to handle this kind of news. This would make me paranoid that he would once again become curious or maybe even realize that he was happier when he was with a man. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who would be secure enough to handle this but I'm just not one of them.

    good luck with whatever you decide to do

Most Helpful Guys

  • I did the same thing. I was sexually frustrated and curious, and hooked up with a couple different guys like four times over a two-year period. I'm not attracted to men at all; it was just something I wanted to try. If it bothers you that much, I don't know what to tell you. All I know is that if I were in your position, but kept the same genders, and you told me that you had sex with a woman once because you were curious, that would make me more encouraged because you're willing to try new things (not just in bed, but in general), and are impulsive. I hope you can feel the same way about your boyfriend.

    • Don't listen to these clowns. Only you know have a clear read on what his sexuality is. If you know he's into you and nobody else, nothing else should matter.

    • Why did you want to try it? If you don't mind me asking. I guess I am having trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that it was just something he wanted to "try". Just because men work differently than women, you know? There has to be some attraction for them to get it up right?

    • I don't really know why I wanted to; I was just at a point where my relationships with women were all entirely platonic, and I needed to try something different because I wasn't receiving any physical affection (and I'm not just talking about sex; we're talking about zero cuddling and the rare hug). If you were to read into my mind, you'd never get thoughts like "Wow, that guy is hot. I would totally hit that." It was just something that took my mind off of things.

  • Lmfao dump his ass. God forbid you marry him and he ends up back in a "phase" and leaves you for a dude. What would that do for your self-esteem? Knowing you lost your guy to another guy...

    Find a straight dude that hasn't had sex with another dude. Trust me. We are easier to find lmfao

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 11
  • He could end up cheating on you with another guy. I hear sex with another man is like unique, and stimulates in a different way. So once a guy experiences that pleasure it's hard to not want it again.

    I've actually heard about a lot of straight guys doing this - just for the pleasure of it? Hmm.

    • You would correct on both counts. It is different just like when a woman has sex with another woman.

    • My gay friend gave me a nice little - sex lecture :P

  • This is definitely a red flag.

    Homosexual sex (or gay sex) is often dangerous because they are literally sticking their penises inside places where penises were never meant to be stuck into.

    Tell him to get a STD check.

    • Tryce, I agree with you. I'm not homophobic, as I don't hate homosexual people. However, I cannot bring myself to agree with what they do and the fact that what they do IS dangerous, and can cause severe damage rectally, is the reason why. Plus they're more likely to get STD's.

  • He might be bisexual. Which means you could be his love, but that he might be attracted to other men later in his life.

    I once got dumped by a woman who told me she finally found out she was a lesbian. I let you imagine the devastating effect on my ego, when it happened.

  • I think HE should leave YOU for being a bigot.

    • Woa, I am not a bigot. I live with a gay man, and a lesbian. This is just confusing for me. I don't want to be his cover from society if he is in fact gay. Later in our relationship I don't want him to leave me for a man if he decides I'm not what he wants. He will not even say he is bi-sexual. He claims it was just "sex" and he is not attracted to men. I just don't know what to think.

    • Hi, I take back what I wrote before. I was actually mostly upset by the comments here. I shouldn't have said you are a bigot. As to your question, sexuality is fluid. Some guys are only attracted to guys, some only to girls, some can be attracted to both. For some men, their life will not be complete unless they have sex with men once in a while. But the fact that a guy has had sex with men a few times does not mean that he can't be faithful to you.

  • Red flag? No, but he's very likely bi. You will need to decide whether that's something you're willing to live with.

  • Definitely a red flag. Leave him.

  • leave! huge red flag

  • about him being gay... it could be a red flag for sure because those type of men are really UNPREDICTABLE, talking from experience (and no! not mines). but if I was you, I would keep my guard up because it was proved by scientist a lot of times that men who have screwed other men are more likely to be infected with hiv.

  • Yeah...He's definitely gay. You must be his cover-up.

  • He's bi. Red flag. End it

  • He's gay.

  • Lmao chill. It's ok if he experienced it and expermented. It seems like girls are only allowed to do that

  • If I’m being honest, if I were you I would leave the relationship and find someone who hasn’t had any “sexual intimacy with men” because this happened to me before. Only this time he actually was gay the whole time, and he deceived me, manipulated my feelings, and engaged in dishonesty. The fact that he knew he were gay and still chose to enter into a physical relationship with me, taking away my virginity, has been deeply TROUBLING AND HARD FOR ME! I wouldn’t stay to find out what happens.. but that’s just me ofccc 💗💗💗

  • Whatever you think , I can't be with a bi or lesbian anyways .

    Its better to be with straight people . Much more easy and much more enjoyable .

    And a straight guy won't be CURIOUS to have sex with a guy ( for sure ) .. so he is either gay or bi .

    I am straight and I can't even dream about having sex with a guy .

    So , I would THINK that its better to be with straight people . Bi people should have relationships with bi's . Straight with straights . Gays with gays and lesbians with lesbians .

  • Your best decision is to end it now.. His sexuality is ambiguous and will remain so.