My boyfriend is a BAD KISSER and BAD IN BED. It's starting to affect our relationship. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I's physical relationship started about six months ago. It has been a struggle from the beginning, and its NOT getting better. I tried to guide him, and teach him about what I like, but six months later, and I feel like its gotten worse!

Ill sum up a few of my biggest concerns:
-Kissing: Its sloppy and choppy. I don't want it to be repeated pecks and saliva exchange.
-Going Down on Me: Uncomfortable, I try to tell him what to do and what I like, but its not good for the most part.
-Sexual intercourse: always struggling to "get it in", says he can't be on top when we are on a bed because its too difficult (hasn't been a problem for me before?), constantly somewhat confused and unsure what to do? (EVEN THOUGH I TELL HIM). He ends up getting upset each time. I never had a positive experience in this department with him.

I'm trying to be patient, and trying to help him. I tell him what I like, and try to teach and show him, but its getting frustrating now. I just want to have a good physical relationship with him. It's starting to have negative effects on my feelings for him.I feel so awful because he is such an amazing person, so its devastating to me. I would feel so sick if this would be the downfall of our relationship, but I can't deal with the slobbery kissing and as if I'm taking a sixteen year olds virginity every single time we have sex.


I've had other partners and never had an experience like this. I'm going to keep trying, but if it persists, I know its going to cause me to become distant from him. Like can you imagine hanging out with your significant other and trying to avoid kissing them? It makes me feel sad and honestly a little bit scared that it will end our relationship. I feel terrible about this, and I don't want to lose him. I don't know what to do.

[Kapakani]

Hm, I feel yah sister... nothing worst than a lack in the physical department.

So your guy sounds broken beyond repair at this point but maybe not, if you’re willing to hang in there for this project. Operation “someone get this guy a manual”. To be honest you’ve pretty much already tried most tips and tricks to help this guy so not much left lol...

1. Most guides even say tell the guy what you like, and show him. Which you’ve done🧐!!!
2. So next step is I’d say have him watch porn, or tutorials on performing oral stimulation, kissing, and how to aim.
3. Kissing
- slow him down, tell him what feels right and praise him on what he gets right if anything. “Oh I like that lip movement right there” lol
Licking the area
- you can’t be down there with him, so this mf needs to watch a few vids and you show him the areas he should concentrate at.
- again praise him if he gets anything right (the sap)...”oh that tongue action on my clit felt nice” “I love when you kiss that area, do that again” ish like that.
And last
Sexual intercourse
- this guy man 🤣😅
-but srsly maybe he has little feeling in his bottom area. Otherwise this makes no sense.
- Is he curved and can’t be on top for that? Like wth. Or is he leagues taller than you? Generally those body parts align naturally and then you just kinda shift it slightly in lol...

I do hope over time he can find his bedroom rock/groove and fire things up for you, so you don’t have to give up on him. have him practice kissing a mannequin or get him a flesh light and have him practice going in and out until he gets confident or something.

Last resort...
https://i.imgur.com/Q8GneoR.jpg

They don’t just save people from villains 🤪🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

Thanks sis ❤️

[Kapakani]

You got it Sis 😛 Your update: hm... Sounds very tough!!! You’re already dreading the physical, hanging with your partner avoiding kisses... now to have to take a step back to slow starts again like a new relationship 😢. Brave, true Lover right here everyone 👏👏!!! Not many like you around still. Hope he gets it together. Sounds like a good plan as any though! Good luck Fairoh :)

[NightlyCreature]

Well, it sounds you already did what you were supposed to do, helped him, guided him, told him what to do, what you liked, if he still doesn't get it after all that, he is gonna ended up alone... He should be trying, learning, practicing to be better, to make you feel better, it sounds like he just doesn't care... I'll say talk to him, tell him directly how all this is making you feel, give him another chance to learn, but if after talking to him he is still the same, let him go... it won't work and you'll just ended up blaming him

[smokeandberry]

At least your guy knows that he's not doing a great job - I've had guys dig themselves into my thigh thinking they were teasing me it's not a good experience 🤦🏼‍♀️ It's good that you're talking to him about it and trying to be patient just make sure you talk both outside the bedroom and inside. Tell him what you don't like, tell him what you do like and tell him what you want him to do to you. If he's starting to mess it up in the bedroom then you take control. Lay him on the bed, put his hands on your hips or breasts and ride him. Guide his hand to your clit and if he's still messing it up just rub your own clit and then he'll see how you like it.

Screw all the comments in here who are giving you shit for wanting a good sex life - you're not saying sex is the only thing you care about because otherwise you wouldn't of made it this far. But as you said, sex IS important, you can't be wandering around tryna avoid kissing with your partner.

[smokeandberry]

Also have a good chat with him and dig deep, find out if there's any underlying issues which is causing him to be a little awkward or whatever in the bedroom

[azzntittiz]

I'm sorry you're having this problem, I can hear your frustration. Depending on the type of person he is, you'll have to find a way to tell him the truth. Be kind but also be honest and specific so he knows what you're feeling.
You can give us an update but the reason I said depending on who he is, some men's who get hurt and then he tries to turn it on you.

[Asker]

I plan on talking about it with him when I see him next week. I’ll update for sure !

[melanieeeB]

How does he react when you tell and show him what you want from him? Does he try to do it or does he just don't listen to you?

[Asker]

He will try to do it, but then he does it wrong. For example, I tried to show him where my cl*t is and I constantly put his hand in the location, but instead, he literally ends up rubbing my pubic bone. And I always have to explain to him that he has to be careful fingering and using his fingers down there because he has fingernails, and it only feels nice if you have it in at the right angle. So I’m constantly getting scratched and he’s pulling in a weird way. It’s hard to explain in text.

[Asker]

And for me, direct oral stimulation on my cl*t becomes really uncomfortable and not pleasurable because it’s so sensitive. So, I told him he really shouldn’t suck on it or any intense thing like that for an extended period of time because the initial pleasure will turn to discomfort (I’m not sure if you know what I mean). It’s just frustrating because I try to tell him and show him, but there is only so much you can do.

[melanieeeB]

Don't be mad at me for saying this but he sounds really stupid to me, I'm really so sorry but like I totally understand what you mean and it's good that he tries but missing the spot (your clit) after you already put his hands at the exact place.. you know? Also it would be sad that a relationship had to end cause of something like this, but I don't know for me personally sex is important in a relationship and after months of you trying I personally would have already given up on it. It's frustrating

[melanieeeB]

With the kissing, did you tried to lead while kissing and show him how? I really don't know what else you could do

[melanieeeB]

Oke I just read your update, I think it's a good idea, give it another shot and then see what happens

[Bjorn526]

Jesus, just stop. What is the point? Guys have to have a real genuine curiosity about what makes a girl tick in bed, if I doesn’t exhibit that trait, I doubt he will ever be good in bed.
It shouldn’t be a chore for you, especially at your age

[Logorithim]

Tell him to read Kama Sutra.

[GreedyGiver651]

Be honest with yourself. Can you continue being sexual with him if he doesn't improve. Then, consider your relationship, could it be an open one? Maybe try to talk to him and teach him when it's not in the moment, it's awkward but It might help. Sex therapy is a thing if you are really committed to him, or online videos. Not porn, but instructional and educational. If you can't feel you could talk to him about all this then is it really a relationship worth keeping.

A lot to think about but if It really comes down to it, you have to take care of yourself first. Besides, if you don't, he will probably notice how you don't like it at some point

[SnapTsch]

Its probably going to cause more issue in the future, better to end things while you are on good terms than to end things after dragging it for a while

[SnapTsch]

Response to update : its unfortunate for this to happen, and maybe as a last resort, you should try to sit him down and share this with him, maybe he'll understand and follow your lead and try to be better.

[SnapTsch]

As long as you have talked about it, no worries

[Asker]

Thanks !

[chaostheory81]

No one can say you haven't tried, and other than being brutal with showing him things, for example go back to pre teen years when you practise kissing on your arm, to show him EXACTLY how to do it, then there isn't much more you can do if he isn't willing to listen. Sickening if you love the guy like you do, but it's just delaying the inevitable

[UnknownXYZ]

www.court-records.net/.../miles-shrug(e).gif

"but I can't deal with the slobbery kissing and as if I'm taking a sixteen year olds virginity every single time we have sex..."

Haha.

Sounds like he is shitty lover. 6 months and no improvements? Well, you can keep trying. Good luck though.

[cookiiee]

Try and make him watch some porn. Not ussual porn but sensual. Or maybe try and show him some movie scenes like the ones with A. Banderas or Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Dammit at least now we are blessed with internet to learn from 😂

It's ok, just be patient and it will come, some need more time to learn, some less. If both of you are persistant and want it and I know you do, you will eventually get it ;)

[DodgersGM]

Is he really not taking your direction at all?

Are you his first sexual partner?

[Asker]

He tries to, but he doesn’t do it well. It’s as if someone studied really hard for a test but still fails 😅😢. And I’m not his first, but I’m the first person he’s consistently had sex with.

[Dudster]

Physical intimacy is a big part of a successful relationship. Sounds like you're doing all the right things by trying to guide him rather than him just fumbling around but it sounds like he refused to listen. Keep trying to get him to listen but not to sound like a downer if he doesn't want to listen than it could very well be the end. Some people might not agree but listening to your partner on how to please them and physical intimacy isn't something you should continuously have to fight for.

[Asker]

Thank you. I feel like this justifies my point of view a bit. I feel like he tries to do it, and I know he really wants to make me feel good. He gets upset that he can’t, however things aren’t getting better. It’s just really upsetting because we have such a good emotional connection, but not being able to express it physically is starting to take its toll.

[ChristianthePostGrad]

I think it's hard... the physical side of things is a huge part of compatibility! If he doesn't even kiss how you like, and hasn't changed after this much time, then maybe that's a nail in the coffin. I know this might sound shallow/stupid... but if you find the physical stuff isn't great, how on earth will you cope when you hit those bumps that are best dealt with with physical intimacy? You don't want to be dreading one of the few private things you get together!

[jacquesvol]

Teach him thethings you like

[Asker]

I have been trying for six months

[apple24]

Move on

[sidvt]

R u mentally ok u suggest everygirl to break up don't u have a limit

[apple24]

@sidvt no-one should take this type of BS from a man.

[kevinaskmenow]

Sexual compatibility accounts for a sizeable % of divorces... Firstly, I appreciate your honesty in this post... Looking at the issue, what I feel is that if it has not happened for 6 months after training, the chances are less for this getting corrected in future... You have strong feelings for him on the other hand.. But, this sexual mismatch will always supercede everything... Hence, I suggest that you fix a time frame, try hard to correct it within the time frame.. If it doesn't work still, you should break up...

[Pitta12]

Also there are therapies for this also, try 1 out.

[Raajk1995]

Well i will suggest you to stay calm and start with tge basics and believe it's his first time of life and he is very worried to not to hurt you cause of which he is tensed during sex first of all you have to make him feel comfortable with you let him think what to do if possible make him see porns and try to make him hungry for sex let him take the charge by own let him say that i wanna fuck lets bave sex or many more and you write he is 1y year old is it

[Raajk1995]

16 year*

[Raajk1995]

I already said in my answer that you should go through basics teach him slowly calmly and make him horny to that limit that he by own self say lets have sex and when he will be horny every thing work well you just need to guide him if there is some problem

[bobbywiz79]

If you really care about him and he about you, then sit him down and have a talk with him about it. Tell him how you feel and then tell him what you want. Listen to him and find out if he has fears or there's something you can do to help him. It could all be a blessing in disguise. If he is willing to learn, then you can teach him the things that you really love and he may become the master of your orgasm. Plus, if the tow of you want to try new things, you have a great foundation of communication to learn new skills together.

[quietdom]

It sounds like you're rationalizing a breakup

[BeKaZe]

By no means you should drop him. Maybe he just doesn't want to do it. Relationships aren't all about sex. You should just have a nice, long talk with him and maybe show him like porn videos or something?

[Asker]

He wants to do it! (Moreso than me) we even joke how much of a hornball he can be sometimes. And I know relationships aren’t all about sex, but the big issue is that I can’t convey my emotions to him physically because it’s so terrible. Our last time in bed, I didn’t feel any emotion because I was so turned off by everything occurring. That feeling overweighed what I felt for him. It was scary. But yeah, I know relationships aren’t all about sex, and ours definitely isn’t. But physical intimacy is still important and it’s kind of starting to affect things.

[ThatBoiCort]

Let him learn and absorb the sexual knowledge with you. You're not naturally a flippin pornstar knowing everything bout sex and or kissing. You're are his partner and a women downgrading a mans sex and smooch game is just gonna make it worse. If you want him to please you properly then do it everyday and if all else fails, just get a dildo.

[Asker]

I’m not trying to downgrade him. I’m just stating the fact of the issue that I’m having. This is also why I went to strangers on the internet who have zero idea who he is rather than personal people in my life.

[ThatBoiCort]

Well you got my opinion didn't you?

[Asker]

Can’t argue with that, but was just further explaining myself to help you understand my POV more.

[ThatBoiCort]

Can't argue with that either.

[ThatBoiCort]

Nice idea, hope it works 👍

[Asker]

Thank you!

[Decentguy]

just tell him that you are very frustrated and not a little bit satisfied by him in bed, sexually. and trust me, that guy will feel miserable as hell, and he would try to improve things

[CT_CD]

Break up with him so he can find someone who doesn't only care about sex

[Asker]

I don’t only care about sex. If you read my thing, you would have seen that I said I care a lot about him. We have a great emotional bond in our relationship. We are like two peas in a pod. And I never tried to focus on this. However, after six months, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for me to get a little bit frustrated. Its hard not being able to express your emotions in a physical way. That’s a big component of most relationships. I’m sure if I was giving him uncomfortable and painful head after he has told me many times what I like, he would be getting a little bit frustrated too.