My boyfriend is pushing away and I hate it?

[Anonymous]

so we have been together for 8 years. and it hasn’t always been the easiest thing to deal with. i’m not confident in who i am as a person or what i can bring to a relationship. in my head i feel that my boyfriend can do so much better than me but i don’t want him leaving bc i know i can be better. we are both not perfect but we love each other so much that we want to be together. he has done some stuff that makes me go crazy all the time. he has DMed girls telling them they are pretty, he has talked to this girl while he was on a work trip to Texas and he recored a porn stars ass when he was working for her. i found all this out bc i snooped through his phone. all i do is bring up the past with him. when we text, hangout or talk on the phone that’s all i do. we haven’t been the same. we were on the edge of breaking up a couple of times bc we both can’t handle how things are going. but we sat down and discussed everything and we both agreed saying we are both wasting our time if i can’t let go of the past and focus on the present and i agreed to let go of the past. it’s been two days so far so let’s hope it can continue. we haven’t been talking or hanging out much and i asked him why and he said “i’m always so scared you’ll bitch at me about something” and i got really sad about the answer. it’s the truth and it’s sad that it’s been this way. I don't know what to do. we barely do anything anymore. we don’t go out on dates, we don’t go out on adventures, when we talk on the phone it’s only for a few seconds and when we see each other it’s just awkward bc he’s the one mainly talking bc i can’t hold a conversation without having something to argue about with him. I don't know what to do

[Changiis07]

It depends how long ago this happens, because that is very disrespectful what he has done. That means you can't trust him enough since you found that out and you have every right to not because he shouldn't have done that. If that did happen a while ago and he has not done it again then maybe you guys move past it. Also try and work on yourself. Do something that makes you happy... get your nails done, spa, facial all those things make you feel better about yourself. If you aren't happy or confident in your skin then it will be hard to be happy in a relationship. So set aside some time to go out with your girlfriends that way you can get that confidence back and you won't have much to argue. Once he starts seeing you happy he will want go on adventures with you because why would anyone want to be with someone who is constantly being bitchy about them and bringing up the past. So if you see that he has gained your trust then focus on yourself and regain the spark

[Asker]

this happened in 2017. however him liking girls pictures has happened all the way till this year. but i’m willing to put that past me bc it’s just a picture and i know nothing will happened. but anyway, i haven’t put it behind me yet bc i am scared he’ll do it again. if he did it once he’ll do it again. we spoke about this a couple of days ago and he says he has so much more respect for me know that he has ever. how i’m the only one he wants to be with, he wants to have kids with and marry.

[Changiis07]

Oh yeah liking pictures is common among many men, it's if they start acting on it like messaging them and stuff. So if you haven't been married or have any kids then it's a good time to be aware to see if he is following through with that. Otherwise it will become worse when you guys marry and have kids. So yes communicate and see what you both can do to progress in the relationship. Also don't forget to pray about it. Prayer is powerful, give it all to God who hears and will guide you as long as you seek him

[DiegoO]

Congrats, you are in a toxic relationship and you also have issues to solve—if you wanna be in a find and maintain a healthy relation.