My boyfriend likes it when I cry/in pain during sex?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years now and we finally had sex. We both like rough sex but last night was pretty extreme to the point where I was crying and begging him to stop, he didn't stop and he said that the fact that I was asking me to stop and crying was turning him on. To be clear, even though I was in pain it did feel good so I wasn't all too upset with him for not stopping. My concern is why is this a turn on to him? Is this normal? And to be very clear- he isn't a "rapists" because I did tell him when I say stop I want you to keep going, unfortunately we didn't come up with a safe word for when I really mean "stop" when I say it.

[Anonymous]

Most men who are into rough sex do enjoy it that there is a certain element of pain involved. Usually as it progresses the dominating one would get rougher as he views it that what he was previously doing wouldn't be as painful.

My gf and I are into rough sex, We did discuss prior as to what the limits were and essentially the limit is no permanent injuries or anal and no marks on her body where clothes don't cover. We decided not to have a safe word as the most painful part for her is during insertion and it usually happens too fast for a safe word to be effective.

Her being in pain is indeed a turn on, her screaming and crying certainly is a turn on for me. Something very satisfying about it when the woman is feeling pain when I insert into her.

Safe word may or may not have stopped it as often it is not easy to stop once it becomes rough.

[Azara]

@Her being in pain is indeed a turn on, her screaming and crying certainly is a turn on for me. Something very satisfying about it when the woman is feeling pain when I insert into her raping someone turn you on too? @Safe word may or may not have stopped it as often it is not easy to stop once it becomes rough. if rough sex means you can't control yourself, then you can't have rough sex. you're legally obligated to stop if someone says stop. you shouldn't be having sex period.

[Opinion Owner]

Rough sex isn't rape. Safe words rarely ever mean completely stop.

[MrMuffinMan]

"I did tell him when I say stop I want you to keep going, unfortunately we didn't come up with a safe word for when I really mean "stop" when I say it."

Good, you recognize the concept of a safe word and in the future you will be able to have good quality, meaningful bdsm sex which you both enjoy :-)
What's the problem?

[Asker]

BDSM? I'm not for sure if my boyfriend knows he's doing such thing, so that's what he's into?

[MrMuffinMan]

Bondage Discipline Sadism Maschism I assumed you knew about it when you talked about giving a "safe word"

[MrOracle]

Actually, BDSM is a 3-way acronym: B&D - Bondage & Discipline D&S - Dominance & Submission S&M - Sadism & Masochism

[MrMuffinMan]

Your safe word should be something that you would only say for the purposes of having him stop. It should be a really obscure random word like, "raspberries" or "dragon" you should read 50 shades of grey for inspiration. Although, I haven't read it, but apparently it is not a great portrayal of the bdsm scene since it is chauvanistic and rapey. Still tons of woman across America love the book and have been inspired to embrace this side of themselves through it.

[MrMuffinMan]

@MrOracle thanks for correcting me on that, I wasn't aware of that. Can you elaborate on what the different levels of the acronym are?

[MrOracle]

Well, as I said, BDSM is kind of a smashed-together version of BDDSSM, with the redundant letters removed.

[Asker]

I knew what a safe word meant I wasn't for sure what BDSM meant so thank you both for informing me. I'm just wondering would my boyfriend be crept out if he found out what it really is.

[MrMuffinMan]

He shouldn't, I mean it is just identifying behaviour that you already know that you like. The creepy part, I think, would be finding out what you and your partner are capable of.

[MrMuffinMan]

Explore the ideas in the lifestyle, but agree that you won't ever push the other to do anything you don't like, and just because other people do stuff doesn't mean that you have to do it.

[Asker]

Thanks :)!!

[Azara]

why are you doing that without a safe word. how hard is it to com new yup with a word.

parsely. there's a word.

you sound like a guy who feels guilty for what he did to his gf and wants reassurance its ok.

he likes it bc it turns him on to know he can hurt you and you'll let him. makes him feel powerful. he owns you basically. you're his slave.

why do you let him keep doing it if you want him to stop. what feels good about something being so painful you want to stop.

id like to know.

[Asker]

You must didn't read it clearly, I stated that I wanted him to stop but then again it FELT GOOD. So it was a mixture of pleasure and pain. Secondly I wasn't aware that he was going to be extremely rough on me to the point where I'm repeatedly saying stop. Third- I never stated that I was feeling guilty- where do you see anywhere on here that I stated that? Can't believe I have to explain something I know I stated already!

[DarkBeauty9]

part of it i think is p*rn. There have been psychological studies that say that p*rn has encourged a sort of okay for continuing when a girl says to stop because the actresses never mean it. because p*rn is a false reflection of sex, he probably thought you'd like the same thing, since some people sometimes consider p*rn to be an accurate imitation of the real thing.

[Lyndsielee666]

Sounds like he's into dom/sub thpe stuff. Just come up with a safe word. My boyfriend likes making me cry too. Haha

[rjroy3]

Because of the ground rules you put up at the beginning, I will say definitely have a safe word next time. For rough sex, whovever is in the submissive role is in control of how far it goes.
Anyways, yes that is odd. Personally I think it's a red flag but I can't fathom enjoying the girl crying or in pain by what I do.
Maybe it's the p*rn he watches that gives him a false idea of what is normal, so he's grown numb to it's implications. But you should talk to him and ask what about it turns him on. Because that's weird

[rjroy3]

But again that's my view. I don't have the same kinks as he does

[Asker]

No I am not Asian, and maybe he does have kinks- I'm not for sure.

[rjroy3]

I didn't ask if you were asian.. lol

[Asker]

I know I'm sorry I thought you were the one who asked was I Asian

[Nik1hil]

His subconsciously into Sadism, your pain from sexual activity turns him on,
answer is simple , keep the role play and keep a safe word, tell him he can fuck you hard brutally , and you need to learn to handle all that pain,
but when you reach a limit, use the safe words
look up the Contract from "50 Shades of grey"

[Lilyp005]

If you need a SAFE WORD during sex to prevent rape you're doing it wrong.
sex is love
in my humble opinion

[Uhhjsshshdh]

It's just a kink, but you should lay down some ground rules when you legit want him to stop versus playing with him

[Anonymous]

What kind of boyfriend is he? If he sees you crying while you guys are having sex then he sould STOP.

[Anonymous]

First question is are you Asian?

[Asker]

No lol I am not

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm then what are you?

[Asker]

Mixed with Mexican and black

[Anonymous]

you answered your own question. its a Dom-Sub (domination-submissive) relationship. and usually the cries of pain is SUPPOSED to be a turn on for the Dom. next time, establish a safe word.
although i do find it redundant that you liked it but you asked him to stop. thats usually what happens with the Subs. along with the crying and stuff. you were basically doing everything a sub would do.. which turns a Dom on. Get a safe word.