My boyfriend loves smoking hookah but I hate it. what should I do?

[Anonymous]

his argument is that "hookah is better than cigarettes" but if you do your research you'll find that that statement is WRONG. hookah is not any better and the nicotine level is worse, making me think that he's addicted to it because him and his friend have been hanging out every day lately smoking hookah. every time I bring it up he fights with me and says "fine then! if you don't like it. LEAVE" and I'm left here to think "wow...he really chooses hookah over ME?!" he makes me out to the bad guy when I'm actually trying to help him by saying "honey that's bad for you and since I care about you. I want you to stop" it has harsh chemicals, carcinogens, and tons of other crap in it. smoking anything is bad for you! and what's worse is the fact that he doesn't care and he;s getting mad at me for caring about him and saying that "i don't acccept him for who he is". him saying that makes me think "smoking hookah isn't who you are. it's a habit. and a bad one" I just don't understand why he would choose it over me if he "loves me" so much. he says the only reason he likes he is because he can blow rings. so I guess he'd much rather blow rings than have me in his life?

[BlueR140]

So, my boyfriend lies and tells me hookah has a smaller percentage of nicotine in it than cigarrettes and if you don't smoke it all of the time then you won't get as bad effects, blah, blah.

Personally, when you date someone after the first year of being together you should know that person well enough to know what can change and what won't. "If they don't want to quit they won't, it's like being addicted to drugs or anything else, you have to treat them like that, so at that point you have to choose whether to stay or not."
~ If your relationship is going well, but it's only becoming toxic because of this issue, remember that this will only lead to a breakup and to keep this person in your life you'll have to remember to have gratitude for that person.
~ You can consider spending time away from him when he's smoking, if he does it often maybe your space will make him miss you.

In my experience, my boyfriend smokes hookah every day. He wants to get married and become fiance's, but he also has bad personal hygiene and doesn't take care of his things very well. - I love him, and have a lot of personal issues I have to weigh in on top of what he has going on. I'm personally considering having to live separately from him because of his bad habits, and if I get pregnant I'll probably live with family so I don't have to be around him smoking all of the time. These are things I consider because I'm already comfortable with the relationship I have, it's just that ther seems to be so many bad habits I can't personally stomach, so I feel like living separately would be my best personal route.

[sweet_18]

He sounds like a douchebag. Leave him. If he really cares for you, he'll stop the hookah and ask for you back

[Asker]

i just feel like he doesn't love me if he's gonna choose such an unhealthy thing over me and fight with me about it when I'm telling him I love him and I care about him. it's so stupid and he's making me out to be a terrible person for "not accepting him". I don't want to accept the fact that he's hurting himself!

[the90swerethebest]

You can't tell him what to do with his life...however, you can tell him that if he wants to be with you, he needs to either slow down on it, or stop it. I was watching an episode of Kings and Queens today where Doug wanted a motorcycle, like a typical woman Carrie said no. He went out and bought one anyway, so she started to pick up her smoking habit again. After watching some videos of accidents and all that, Doug decided that his marriage was more important than a bike. He just has to realize he's hurting the relationship

[the90swerethebest]

I should mention that I have a cousin, who had a doctor tell her to smoke...

[Asker]

so what should I do to make him realize that hookah is stupid and love is more important than something that damages your lungs and causes health problems?

[the90swerethebest]

Like I said...sometimes, smoking, isn't all that bad

[TheDigitalSaint]

Print out some documentation about the health effects of hookah. It is true, that it isn't any healthier than a regular cig. You need to focus on your concern for his health and then make the argument about your long-term frustration about his health. If he's unwilling to read or listen to what you have to say, seriously, break up. Someone who does not take their health seriously is generally a sign of low maturity.

[Asker]

the sad thing is I HAVE! I sent him paragraphs and PARAGRAPHS about how terrrrrrible hookah is for you. I included all the horrible things it does to you and how unhealthy it is for you and what it does to you and how you can get addicted to it. then I said " I love you! if I didn't, I wouldn't care about you damaging your lungs!"

[TheDigitalSaint]

Time to dump him then. I can't stand the smell of smoke, plus the thought of someone I might care about poisoning themselves. I can't date a smoker either. Missy, it is time to ditch this guy and find yourself a non-smoker. Remember, respect your health and demand that of your perspective partner. It leads to a happier lifestyle.

[Asker]

i feel the exact same way about the people I love. it hurt me so much to see my family poisoning themselves with cigarettes. I grew up HATING them and when he recently got into this whole smoking hookah thing with this new buddy he met I just didn't know what to do. I even cried saying " I LOVE YOU! please stop! for me!" and he still wouldn't do it. he didn't even say he'd slow down

[TheDigitalSaint]

Look dear, it hurts a lot, no doubt. You've been hurt by this in the past. It really, really, bothers you, I can tell. It would bother me a lot too if my family smoked. Thankfully, they didn't. That being said, you already have a history of being bothered by this. You can't torture yourself by being with someone who makes you relive that unpleasant past. You must leave him and find yourself a non-smoker. Your peace of mind (and body) depends upon it.

[Asker]

but it pains me so badly just thinking of letting him go and seeing him get with another girl:(

[TheDigitalSaint]

You'll find someone new who will help occupy your brain space. Also, if you leave and he doesn't make an effort to quit after you're gone to get you back, that mean he didn't really care that much for you in the first place. Don't be a fool to fall for someone who doesn't care about you. Time alone will test to see if he's really worth it or not, but you have to take the first step and cut it off with him.

[Asker]

so how should I go about breaking up with him over it? like what are the things I should say. and then how can I test if he really cares about me or not? is it whether or not he says soemthing like "i'll try to quit!"

[TheDigitalSaint]

Write him a letter. Tell him you expect him to give you a plan on how he's going to cut down on the pipe and eventually get rid of it. Tell him that you expect him to give you a plan within the week and start working on it, otherwise you'll have to call the relationship quits. You need to be PREPARED TO BACK UP YOUR THREAT OF LEAVING. Not "thinking about it". Actually leave.

[Asker]

thanks, hopefully this will have a good outcome and he'll realize that I'm serious and that I really do love him and care about him by telling him to quit. I'm thinking about not seeing him for 3 days straight and making him think about it a lot too because I usually see him everyday so he'll know something's up if I don't see him for 3 days straight but I'm not sure if that will help or not.

[TheDigitalSaint]

That's good. Give him a taste of what is to come. Stay away for a few days. We'll find out shortly what he values more, the pipe or you.

[jy427]

hey what did happen then? did your guy stopped smoking hookah? coz I m suffering through the same thing right now!

[Armada]

Don't tell him what to do. Take his advice; if you don't like, LEAVE!

[israelisevil]

Hookah smoke can have no nicotine equal cigarette nicotine or more nicotine then cigarrete. Tell him smoke it outside. I smoke cigarettes every now then but i woudlnt smoke anything but weed inside my house. Hookahs dangerous as fire hazzard too cause you need stove and hot coals. I use gas cutters on steal in my house though so im not exactly a hazzard avoider. Just tell him go outside with it. If you been together while he should stop or do it outside, or if you knewly together for under month or so you shouldn't give him advice or control how he's living.

[Anonymous]

smoking is one of those things you're gonna either live with or you won't. people don't quit smoking for their bf/gfs because the addiction is so strong and they don't really care that much to stop. gotta decide how much it bothers you and approach the situation as if he'll never stop...can you live with him like that?

[Opinion Owner]

i think its gonna be one of those things that's forever going to bother you about him and I just don't see him quitting because you want him to ;\ it never works like that.

[Asker]

it just hurts when I love him SO much and I'm saying this because I care about his health and he gets all mad at me and makes me seem like a horrible gf

[Opinion Owner]

i think in this case if you really wanna get him to try and stop, put it out there that you're really going to break up with him if he doesn't stop. I think maybe he thinks like you're just bluffing when you say it so he keeps doing what he's doing anyways knowing you'll stick around for his bullcrap.

[Asker]

about a week ago I called him and said "i can't be with you anymore. you obviously don't respect yourself and you're not showing me you love me when you can't see how badly this hurts me when I see you hurting yourself like that. so I think we should break up" and all he said was "fine. I guess you don't love me because I smoke hookah and I will til the day I die! if you can't accept me for who I am then I'll be over in a minute to get my stuff. bye."

[Opinion Owner]

yeah, I don't think he's willing to quit for you then unfortunately :\ and it sounds like one of those issues that brings back a lot of thoughts from the past with your mom and he's just hurting himself and you shouldn't have to go through that.

[Asker]

i just don't know what to do. he's the only guy I love and care about and I couldn't see myself with anyone else. the thought of never seeing him again just kills me. we've broken up before for about a week and I wanted to die that entire week. he became worse, smoking cigarettes, hookah, chewing two cans a day and almost killing himself by racing his car at 120m/h.

[Opinion Owner]

i know right now it feels like if you dumped him that there wouldn't be another guy that could replace him and that's a normal feeling. but youve said how much smoking is a pretty big issue to you and there's no signs he's gonna quite any time soon. sometimes you have to stick to your guns and do the hard thing. he's flipping it around and making you feel horrible over it and you're trying to look out for the guy you care about but he doesn't appreciate it and he can't/wont stop :(

[Asker]

i agree:( I just feel like there's really nothing I can do. if he loves me he'll try to quit but it sounds like he doesn't give a crap about me because he keeps going to hang out with that friend and smoke hookah anyway