My boyfriend masturbates, then he can’t cum and goes limp when we have sex?

I’m sick of secretly being jealous or upset. My boyfriend secretly masturbates often, then when we try having sex, he goes limp within 5 minutes and it’s over. He vaguely admits that he “occasionally” jerks off but says he doesn’t even cum and he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him or why he can’t cum anymore. We have been together for over 2 years and it just started happening about 6 months ago. I think he’s into something more “perverted” but I’ve basically begged him to try new stuff with me. I asked him to jerk off when we have Sex and that I think it would be a huge turn on to watch him and instead he insists on hiding and lying about it. I’ve approached this conversation in every way I can think of. He pretends to be somewhat of a prude but I just know there is more to him and he just won’t admit it. He doesn’t initiate sex with me. He’s went down on me just a handful of times. I can’t help but wonder if he’s secretly bisexual or gay. Why would he rather jerk off to orgasm than to include me to get him off? It’s put a heavy strain on our relationship because it’s pretty much everyday, I usually know when he jerks off and if I call him out for it, he denies it and gets a shitty attitude to deflect from the topic he desperately avoids.

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Superb Opinion

  • His willingness to experiment is a mortal problem for the relationship.
    I am a short round with a hair trigger and I learned that that the primary objective of sex is to give her an orgasm if she is capable of and wants one. Anything for me was secondary. My limitations made for poor odds with PIV. So I researched and experimented with oral and fingering to be sure she had an orgasm whether I came fast or, sometimes not at all... and was successful.

    It may take 30 minutes for her to orgasm from oral, which can be magnificent but her quickie fingering orgasm is weaker and faster.

    Something important is that I get fully hard and wet while I give her oral. So once she cums, I can mount up for a quick sprint to orgasm while she is still highly aroused and she may surge again, or at least like the ride. So your remedy may be to have him give you oral before he mounts up and then go for the gold. Maybe he needs more "input" so he can give you a good ride.

    I don't have a solid answer her, but if he is depleting hos libido by masturbating, he need to avoid that before date night.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I mean if you’re pestering him about it the guy may classically have anxiety about staying hard causing to him to get soft. His masturbation may be causing desensitization as well. Maybe he can decrease the frequency. You’re getting a bit older he may also be developing erectile dysfunction. He may be in to freaky shit as well and is desensitized mentally. Who knows. Talk to the guy about it, in a calm, genuinely empathetic way. Ask him genuinely if he’s able to remain hard (and cum) during masturbation, that'll tell if there are issues beyond physical. Whatever it is it’s not the end of the world, it can be resolved.

    • I’ve tried to offer solutions and I’m very much so an emphatic person. I’ve turned to the internet for explanation but learning the possibilities hasn’t helped fix the issue. I should add that I am Not a fan of masturbation by myself. I just don’t get much from it. I’ve done some reading on that as well thinking maybe if I start masturbating, I’ll understand him better but no such luck.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Regardless of what kind of porn he's watching, whether he's seeing someone else, or what the story is there, for 6 months that has been more important than you.
    I mean hell, even if it's nothing else and he's been getting ED or something, he's not working on it, and not thinking your important enough to keep in the picture.
    Sounds like it's time to move on, even if that's painful. That or have a sexless relationship with strained trust.

  • Sounds like he's masturbating too much and has become addicted to it. he's turned on more by masturbating than he's turned on to you. You have become a sex nag and masturbating is easier. It could be all sorts of issues…hiding a limp dick or loving the porn.
    All can be cured. Keep trying and talking nicely but if he doesn't change you may have to move on to find a healthy sex life

  • I’m sorry you deal with that

  • You are doing nothing wrong at all. How old is he? I'm sure he is jerking off more than he admits. Things will not get better unless HE does something about it. He needs to focus on his health and his relationship with you. Is he jerking off to porn because that may be messing with his head also.

    If he is unwilling to change things you might have to consider moving on because you have a long sex life ahead of you and it will not get better with him if he does not change.

  • Not easy to find new boyfriend at 37, but if he prefer masturbation over sex it's not normal.

  • You're probably too soft on the grip. If he's constantly jerkin the chicken, chances are he goes ape mode to get off.

  • Dump that zero and find yourself a hero.

  • Maybe he's gay.

  • then break up

  • Sounds addicted to porn. It’s so addictive it can make it so a guy can’t perform with a normal woman at all. It’s called porn creep

  • Here we go with the " he must be gay if he won't have sex with me " BS girls resort to.. did you ever think he is bored of you or you don't turn him on any more? Thats usually the reason..

    • And I could understand that. I’m no beauty Queen or entertainer of the year. Not even close. So to that I say, why stay with me? I want a strong healthy sex relationship and if he’s not interested it’s only fair to be upfront about it.

    • I’ve also tried bringing toys into the relationship and subtle suggestions of trying to new things and he has zero interest.

    • Tha6s a fair reply

  • Does he cum on his own?

    • He says that he doesn’t but he doesn’t cum with me so I assume he’s lying. I mean he must be coming sometime. He never complains of blue balls. A couple times he has gone all out and claimed he must have some medical condition but it was an extreme effort to deflect from the initial topic. I would love it if he jerked off in front of me. I am very open minded and accepting and non judgmental and love sex. I just don’t get it.

    • Follow me, I’ll message u

    • Following

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  • Well, if you try to have sex with him every day, then I don’t know why he would even be masturbating unless it’s just easier for him to do it by himself with no pressure on him

  • He is lucky to have you, my girlfriend sucks

  • GO TO HELL

  • You need to become more dominating and demand that he has to wear a chastity device. That will stop the masturbating. Let him locked for about 2 months with no release. After that let him orgasm about 1 time a week. That will stop the limp noodle problem. He cannot be allowed to use his hand on his self. Keep him locked till he performs to your liking.

  • He's probably addicted to porn, and few are aware that it programs men toward gay / bisexual tendencies.

    • I’ve had two previous relationships when porn came into the relationship and when the relationship ended, I found out they both had been sexually active with men behind my back. If my current boyfriend turns out being #3 I don't know what I’ll do.

    • A very high number of people in general are on the path of pain, low vibrational, led by desires, lust and brainwashed through these desires. Thus you need to find a man that is on the path of ascension, high vibrational and connected to his spirit / and God. If you aren't, then you won't attract the same.

    • Girl I am going through the same thing with my boyfriend of five years. I know for a fact that he's been with guys behind my back

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  • Why are you with this child?

    Real men in relationships don't masturbate.