My boyfriend refuses to use a condom with me. What should I do?

He says he’d rather not have sex at all than to wear a condom I try to convince him then he’ll keep touching me to turn me on & I keep giving in without it just to feel connected and to not argue with him. The thing is every time we have sex without a condom he throws off my ph balance & gives me bv & causes odors. I don’t tell him that because he’ll become defensive & think I’m blaming him but every time I treat the bv and have sex with him again it comes back. I feel stupid and dirty like he doesn’t respect me & like I’m never able to put myself first.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I've had sex with girlfriends (and my wife) thousands of times and never, EVER heard of that. Most women love to get filled with cum. That what a pussy is for.

    There must be something else going on here. Is the semen causing it or is it his skin?
    I recommend seeing a doctor.

    I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from. You're on birth control, so there is no fear of pregnancy. You've been together for a long time, so there are no trust issues.

    I hate condoms too. The nerve endings on your skin can't feel the skin against skin. All you can feel is warmth, pressure and movement. I compare it to the idea of petting a soft kitten while wearing surgical gloves. What would you feel?
    Plus, he can't feel your wetness. And that's a big part of sex.
    To me, sex with a condom is simulated sex.
    Not to mention the awkwardness of having to pause, unwrap, and put on a condom. It eliminates spontaneity and makes sex seem like a clinical exercise. "Now I'm preparing to insert my 'penis' in your 'vagina'."

    So I don't know what to say. I do sympathize with your problem.

    As a possible alternative, I wonder if the two of you would be okay with pulling out at the end and sucking him to finish. I really enjoy that sometimes.

    • I don’t think he even deserves all of that effort honestly

    • Then it sounds like he'll be better off without you. I mean, heaven forbid that you put forth any effort.

    • Im obviously better without him or any nasty selfish man like that

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  • First off grow a pair. If he can't respect your decision then he dont respect you. Second... Get a female condom. their MUCH stronger then a male condom and they feel different and he has no say on what YOU use for yourself. Third get him and yourself checked out. You shouldn't had PH issues from sex every time... He should be thoroughly cleaning down there before and after sex every time. It disgusts me i have to say this but apparently my ex just assumed men never washed down there because all her partners never took care of it... LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? My little man gets a shower every day... again after sex. Also make sure your pee after sex its acidic and cleans the tubes out.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I feel for you because I’m the same way. I would chronically get BV from unprotected sex. It happened with different partners. It’s a hassle to have to treat and you feel unclean and, like you mentioned, what boyfriend ever wants to wear a condom? It just makes you want to avoid sex altogether. Your boyfriend sounds like a selfish jerk to me but I’d give it a chance and talk to him about BV and how you keep getting it after sex with him. It might spur him to wear the condom for your sake. Another thing you can try if that doesn’t work is pulling out. It’s the semen that upsets the PH balance in your vagina causing the bacterial growth. It’s helped me a lot since he started pulling out. I still get BV on occasion but it’s not anywhere near as frequent as it used to be. It’s at least manageable now and he doesn’t have to wear a condom, so it was a good compromise.

    • Finally someone understands bv & exactly what I’m saying!! So many other people are off track or are judging. I’m going to try rephresh probiotics but I still don’t like that he’s being so selfish so I just won’t have sex with him until he wears a condom.

  • You shouldn’t do anything that makes you unhappy, if you’re coming away from something that is meant to be enjoyable feeling sad then you should find an alternative, until you can sort the issues you have. Then once you have you both should be happy :)

    • I’m starting to realize this because it’s making me feel so low especially having to continuously treat it

    • Is there not anyway you can get it treated? Is there any products you could get for it? The best thing you can do is just talk to your boyfriend about it.. just so he understand how you really feel :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Take him up on his offer to not have sex at all. Don't give in, cause this is just the beginning if you do. It will move to other aspects of your life (if it hasn't already) and he'll want you submit to everything.

    He needs to learn to compromise and work together or move on.

  • Get on birth control. I never used condoms with the first relationship I was in, led to every relationship after that I can't get off with condoms after the 2nd or 3rd time that the initial excitement of being with someone new has worn off.

    At that point I'd ask if they were on, or could get on birth control, we both get an STD test, or I'm finding someone new.

  • When did women become retarded? EVERY MAN claims he can't nut while wearing a condom. Make his ass wear a condom or don't give him any pussy. It is not rocket science. trust me if you put in a little will power and a few days of nailing rosie palmer he will wrap it up... also if his dick is giving you vaginal infections I would dump him if he is to stupid to keep his dick clean.

    • You have at least 7 more years of experience f*cking than me thank god you know something I don’t. Ps you don’t have to be a btch to share advice. Completely unnecessary but now I wonder when old trashy know it alls became such btches? 🤔 I dont care what all men do. I shouldn’t have to give an ultimatum just for my boyfriend to respect my wishes for my body. The best & most honest advice would have been to leave him therefore I will disregard this bs response.

    • Lol I guess you become a know it all after you are finished being dumb and it doesn't take a lot of intelligence to figure out if your dudes D it infecting your vag there is something wrong with it. I mean you literally asked a completely ignorant question. then get mad at me for giving it an ignorant awnser? I mean ask your momma if you want a nicer answer than that but she would probably tell you the same thing just a little nicer "Girls how do I get my dude to stop fucking me against my wishes? " duuuuh you have to give him an ultimatum other wise he will keep banging you with his dirty dick or you are going to have to start washing that shit your self. as I said it is not rocket science girl.

    • There’s nothing wrong with his D. Stupid btch I said he’s throwing off my ph balance. Simply put semen is alkaline & the vagina needs to remain slightly acidic variances can cause a growth in bacteria. You’re literally loud, rude, & wrong how embarrassing. If it was simply from a dirty D. This wouldn’t have been a question dumb wh*re. But since you needed to feel better about yourself you chose to add your bs opinion on something you know nothing about embarrassing. Also you’re blocked! Have a shit life!😄

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  • Well I guess if you don't want to have that skin to skin feeling and the joy of feeling that cum shoot against your cervix better tell him to get lost!

  • What you should do is break up with him. Both men and women have a responsibility to prevent a unwanted pregnancy. Him not taking his part of that responsibility serious issue and its a massive red flag. To the point where you should ask yourself if you think he will stick around if you get pregnant by him.

  • Try to see a provider familiar with women's health, like an ob/gyn one thing you could ask about is the boric acid suppositories https://www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/can-boric-acid-help-treat-bacterial-vaginosis#does-it-work that can help prevent BV.

  • You don’t have a boyfriend. You have a boy and you are letting him stepping all over you.
    break up with him, grow from this experience … mature a bit, put your foot down for the next guy who will respect you… but you must respect yourself first.

  • If it isn’t on, it isn’t in. A little concerning that you are having lost-coital problems too.

  • Fine, bish, go back home and go beat your meat or sumthin'.

  • Dont have sex with him and see how long he realy prefers no sex over a condom most guys realy take the condom in the end

  • He is a selfish ass. Do you want to be a mommy at a young age? Is he ready to be a daddy? Tell him no condom means no sex It is YOUR body and your choice. He will have to get use to handjobs or masturbation I guess. If he does not change dump him nd find a guy that respects your wishes.
    Before I was married I had a lot of sex with a lot of wonderful gilrs but I always used a condom and had great orgasms every time!.

    • Yes! When we wore condoms in the beginning he always had an orgasm but now he’s saying he doesn’t feel anything with condoms I believe he’s lying so that he doesn’t have to wear one

    • Dump his ass

  • “No.”

  • That’s really horrible of him and he clearly doesn’t respect you. Tell him if he won’t wear a condom then the relationship won’t work and leave him. Also, tell him to wash his dick

  • Omg bv is soo bad! For sure he needs to wear a condom if it's causing you to get that

  • Sounds like it is ultimatum time. Sit him down and tell him you are no longer going to have sex without a condom. Put your foot down.

  • Tell him condoms prevent minivans & child support & if he doesn’t want to wear a rain coat tell him to buy you a home pregnancy test & mess with him.

  • Refuse to have sex unless he wears one. Or tell him the truth.

  • Dump the jerk. He sounds like a real asshole. You'd be better off without him.

  • Test him with the “rather not have sex” part.

  • Just tell him no condom no sex. Then asked him if he's ready to be a dad father to the baby.

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