My boyfriend said “I can touch you wherever I want whenever I want because we’re dating.” Am I right to be upset?

So my boyfriend isn’t usually pushy and he lets me make the first move because I’ve told him I’ve had a traumatic past of sexual assault.
We don’t have sex as much as we used to because it’s been hurting but we’ve been trying different things to remedy the situation.
Today after we kissed for a while he touched my vagina region (I was clothed) and I winced and told him it didn’t feel right and made myself more comfortable (it had hurt). Then later on I jokingly said looking at a goofy picture of him made me wet.
He tried to touch me again and I held his hand away and said Don’t but he touched me anyway. Later I asked him to please not push back when I say not to touch me and to just refrain from touching me when I tell him not to and he said “I can touch you wherever I want whenever I want because we’re dating.” I said no you can’t and he got mad and a fight ensued.
So I told him to please tell me if he felt he wasn’t getting enough sexually from me. He said he didn’t understand why it was okay for me to kiss him but when he touched my lady region I said no.
I told him I shouldn’t have to explain consent to him. He said he didn’t understand why it’s usually okay but today it wasn’t.
I wasn’t mad that he tried I was upset because when I asked him not to he resisted me and that when I asked him not to resist me saying no, that he got mad.
Girls and Guys what is your opinion on this?
Updates:
+1 y
Just a clarification: We do have sex. When I said we are trying different things so it doesn’t hurt I meant we’ve been trying lube, then organic lube, then latex free condoms, then adding toys and making sure they’re latex free then doing more foreplay etc. At that time we were kissing, he went to touch me and I was fully clothed and I stopped him and asked him not to because it hurt. He got mad and said what he said.
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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You both have a point, and it's not only that you dating, you also already had sex with him in the past and yet you acting prudish once again, and if you feel too traumatized to have sex then maybe you should has not been dating a guy in the first place. So yea, your boyfriend might be pushy, but on the other hand he is clearly not satisfied in his relationship with you, also everytime that you kiss can be seen as teasing.

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BothSidesHaveAPoint

    • I don’t push him away every time we have sex and we’ve been trying different things so it hurts less. Also, I’ve asked him to tell me if it’s been too difficult for him.

    • It's difficult for him, guys don't tend to complain as much as girls, he don't want to look weak.

  • Nobody ever had the right to touch you whenever and wherever they want, without your permission. Does he think he has a girlfriend, or a slave?

  • I feel like that’s pretty shitty of him and he is wrong

  • I would advise you to leave the relationship if he does not stop. This is not okay behavior at all. Personally, I love sex... it's awesome, but if my soulmate said NO sex ever, I would respect that.

  • Absofuckinlutley not. He does not have 24hr access to your body. You're not an object.

    Also, I hope you're seeing a counselor to work through your intimacy issues. You HAVE to if you ever want to have a healthy sexual aspect to your relationship. (Maybe not with this guy?)

  • Dump his ass

  • This is complicating. You should not he denying him sex, especially if you are saying or doing things that make him believe you want sex. Its not fair to him that you do that. On the other hand... if you have experienced sexual abuse in your past and he says that he cares about you our loves you, he should not and would not pressure you or make you have previous traumatic experiences resurface becsuse of his actions. He should respect and comfort your trauma. If he can't do that. Then he doesn't care about you to begin with. Rethink your relationship. You deserve someone who will help you work through your issues and support you, not bring you down. Dont short change yourself. Life Is too short

  • You are totally right

  • He sounds like a messed up individual and I would not date him

  • You are right to be upset. He is treating you like property, not a lover.

  • What a douche bag... let the prick go! He clearly doesn’t respect you. Tell him to F OFF!! What he said isn’t right... you’re just dating, he ain’t your husband! THE HELL!!🤬

  • Yes. He shouldn't be touching you when you are not comfortable being touched! And he should put your comfort first

  • He needs re-education. Just because you consented to sex in the past doesn't mean that you now consent whenever he wants it. If he can't understand that then you should think about whether you want to continue the relationship.

  • He’s so wrong. Dump him.

  • I have to be on his side. If I'm your girl, you can touch me anywhere almost any time. (sorry, I won't let any man run the red light) so long as it's location appropriate (ie not at my parents dinner table)
    I see this a lot with my friends. When they want their man, they expect it NOW, but if a guy wants his girl, noooo, im not in the mooood.
    Here's some good advice. Give a man what sex he wants when he wants it because if you make a habit of not doing it, he'll likely find someone who will.
    .

    • finally somone with some sense.. she is already with him and she did a lot with him and now complaining about this.. wtf

    • Its not her job to please a man because it's not the 1950s. Sexual pleasure is a two way street in a relationship. If sexual compatibility is a problem, they need to break up.

    • I m a guy.. and the only way that a guy can say that is if she is holding him back so much during sex or doesn't let him go for what he wants.. instead of talking it out with him she is complaining here .. obviously no sexual culture

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  • OF COURSE YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET. It's disrespectful of him to do that. His feelings for you and your being comfortable with him touching you should overpower his desire for sex. If he touches you after you tell him not to, it's sexual assault.

  • Ummm yes , he doesn’t own you , you should really reconsider that relationship and end it before it gets worse because it will trust me

  • If he respected you he would respect your feelings on the matter. Him not understanding isn't an excuse to do what he did. If this is some neither can get passed I'd reconsider the relationship.

  • Sounds r*pey, sexist, and has a issue with boundaries. I honestly would dump him off the side of the road and tell him to f*ck himself. Just me though

  • Yeah you’re right to be mad. Nobody has any right to touch you without your express prior permission.

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