My boyfriend slapped me lightly when he was mildly angry. Is it acceptable?

[Anonymous]

So we went on a date in jungle area to watch greenery of hills from a view tower and spend some quality time. That area was secluded and there were not many people around as it had been built recently for tourist attraction. We sat there for some time and after that my boyfriend insisted me to give him a BJ but I said no many times but he didn't take no for an answer. He kept insisting me and I kept saying no. Surprisingly he got mildly angry and slapped me lightly on my cheeks. He had done this before like slapping me lightly in mild anger. He wasn't violent though. I felt strange. He was talking normally after that and again insisted me to give him a BJ as he was getting erection and to save him from embarrassment I gave him what he wanted. But I couldn't get that thing out of my mind like is it acceptable? What do you guys think? Please suggest.

[Losalt]

If this is acceptable or not depends on two things.
What is the expectations of what is or isn't acceptable in a relationship in your culture (it's not acceptable by default in most western countries, but there is others where this is normal).
And what you two agree on.
If your culture consider it acceptable and you don't want it to be, talk with him and let him know that and if he agrees not to do it again.
It he keeps doing it afterwards he's breaking the relationship terms and that's 100% unacceptable.
If your culture doesn't consider it acceptable you should *still* talk about it and about how each of you feel about it.
And if you two are okay with it or not.

It *can* be a really useful tool to help you snap out of a mindset if you start getting into a mental downwards spiral, if you're okay with him using it that way.

The goal then is a quick mental shock to change what you focus on, not actual pain.

But it isn't okay for him to do that without your consent, and even if your culture *may* accept it you should not put up with him ignoring your feelings on the topic.

That said, don't be told quick to ban him from using it when you *genuinely* need it.

Talk about it, when it's okay or not okay to use it etc.
This shouldn't be about *him* being angry and say using it as a punishment or some such.
But about *you* needing it to help maintain a healthy mind and interaction with him.

Does that make sense?

Of course, if you *like* how it makes you feel or if he likes it and you like pleasing him and are okay with allowing him to do that for *his* sake you *can* allow him to slap you and play with other things that you two might like.

But honestly, only *you* can decide if that's something you feel okay with.

Does all of this make sense to you?

Ps. Please do pm me to talk more about this.

[Losalt]

Update: Alright, yeah. If he's gaslighting you etc get the heck out of there. A relationship should be something that makes your life *better* not worse. I'm happy for you. And hopefully you'll have a talk with your *next* boyfriend about slapping etc up front.

[Asker]

Thank you so much and yaa I'm gonna talk about it to my next 😀

[Losalt]

Good. :-) I hope that you'll take what I said into consideration and don't ban him entirely from doing it. They can be quite useful. But should be used to make life better for the two of you, not make you feel bad. And it should be something *you* feel okay with.

[Losalt]

@Asker Sorry about that other conversation... Jeez... As for the idea that hitting someone is *never* okay, I disagree. But just hitting someone out of anger is incredibly selfish. There's a time and a place for everything. And if you love someone you'll consider what *they* need.

[Asker]

Hehe you don't need to be sorry I was not angry with you at all. I just felt bad at the thing that other man told me and I was replying to him the whole time hehe

[Asker]

And thanks for you opinion 😊

[Losalt]

I know you wheren't angry with me. I was just sorry you had to see *any* of it... Not just him, but her as well... Both of them where going for extremist viewpoints. And the world is just a lot more nuanced. You should never accept someone striking you in anger for selfish reasons, unless you *genuinely* want that. But a man can do a lot that can have a positive impact on your mental health and your way of thinking if you let him. But it needs to be someone you trust and respect... And who's worthy of your trust. Someone who genuinely cares about your wellbeing and who's taking care of you.

[Asker]

I agree 💯👍 😊

[Losalt]

Also, you're welcome. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk more later. That doesn't get drowned out in all the other notifications.

[Losalt]

Thank you for the MHG. May I ask what country you live in?

[pierre7i]

No, no, nooooo ! It is absolutely NOT acceptable - just imagine if you marry him, at some point further down the track he would probably punch you/beat you hard !

It's both cowardly AND totally unacceptable! Walk away from him now while you can !!

[pierre7i]

And he got angry because you wouldn't give inti his demands for a bj? That's even worse in a way, because it shows he is self-entitled and just seeks his own sexual pleasure from you and doesn't even consider your sexual feelings/needs/desires ! I truly hope you do the right thing for yourself and erase him from your life, your physical wellbeing & sexual wellbeing are far to important to Allie him to try to control you and - ultimately - abuse you !

[ShesRad80]

he should not be putting his hands on you slapping you in anyway, that looks like the start of a dangerous tilt in your relationship because you accepted it and more then once says your post. ditch him then tell your parents, even as an adult they should know whats going on.

you felt strange because it is not acceptable nor normal. he wasn't violent yet he lightly slapped me? your own words--c'mon. you are making excuses; you already know the answer to your scenario.

[_Maya_]

You've got to be kidding me. Do you get outside much? You must be joking asking if it is acceptable for your guy to slap you. No it isn't and over refusal of a blowjob? What is wrong with him and you for that matter? Then you do it? Next time he slaps you because you won't save him from embarrassment 😆 of an election punch him in the balls. That will solve his problem. You've got a real winner don't ya?

@snowedin 😆

[B4851]

Good advice 👍👍

[mandyfire98]

Abuse is abuse and he's a toddler for not controlling his anger.

[SnowedIn]

Please please please ditch this guy. Even if he was joking, these are the jokes that aren't funny at all.

Bid him farewell.

And what @_Maya_ said? Exactly right.

[Truthatanycost]

Look at it this way. If you had an only daughter that you loved, cherished and had dreamed of being born for your entire life, who was your age and she described this event to you. Would you be happy for her?

[Asker]

I would not be happy for her. Never

[Truthatanycost]

Regarding your update. Be sure to block, delete and remove all method of contact from all social media to prevent any 'mistakes' at times of need etc.

[Asker]

Definitely thank you so much 😊

[Truthatanycost]

You're welcome.

[Guffrus]

Report this to the police and obviously don't see him again.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'd say he watches too much poorly written porn

[Asker]

Yes I think so he had mentioned that he likes rape like porn

[slatyb]

Totally unacceptable and close to a sexual assault. Get the hell out.

[Dargil]

No it isn't.

[Fireguy17]

Oh he'll no.
Being hit unless it is a mutual part of sex play is never acceptable.
And no means no.
That was just wrong on so many levels.
What happens the next time you say no, he hits you harder and more often.
I would highly suggest you breK it off and leave before it gets worse.
No one deserves to be treated that way, ever!

[Drumlin2001]

He asked for a sexual act, you said no, he badgered you into it. Kinda not far from a sexual assault. And he's slapping you for saying no?
Real question here is should you just leave him or call the police?

[JackCarter]

I am sorry on behalf of men thay such men exist... please leave him

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

You need to get rid of him. His behavior is no good at all.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@Asker - My friend you've made the right move, Many Blessings your way 👼🙏

[exitseven]

No, this will only get worse.

[gothbxtch]

NO, that is abuse

[AnusNdaPainus]

Please don’t listen to these losers telling you that it’s unacceptable because honestly this is a conversation you should have with him

Im trying not to completely take his side because if you weren’t ready to give him a bj

you should at least compromise and give him a handjob because he was clearly horny and I get confused hearing women complaining about their boyfriend/ husbands wanting sex

It’s like women don’t know that men want them for sex and that’s not a bad thing the more sex you have the closer you’ll become and the better it will be

[FreakyBaby87]

Do suck a dog's dick, ya trash. Putting hands on anyone is UNACCEPTABLE.

[Losalt]

@FreakyBaby87 While I agree with you about the way it being used here, in anger or out of personal gain (without consent) is unacceptable. It's not as simple as that. It can genuinely be useful when dealing with certain mental health problems in helping a girl avoid spinning out of control into anxiety for instance. It allows you to help her snap out of that mindset and focus 100% on you for a moment so you can actually talk her out of that downwards spiral. Such a slap should *not* be painful or hard, just enough to gain her attention. The other main acceptable role is if you have her consent to use it in a BDSM context in order to enforce the dynamic or as a part of sexual play.

[Losalt]

One semi-acceptable context is a cultural one. While we here in the west have grown up in a world where slapping, spankings etc is unacceptable it's still a part of many cultures. And if both he and she grew up seeing dad and mum in loving relationships that *did* involve slapping and where everyone else they know uses slaps it's essentially implicitly consented to as a relationship term because of their culture if it's not explicitly discussed, just like exclusivity is something implicitly agreed upon. In this kind of relationships the couple isn't necessarily consciously aware of exactly when and how a slap is best used, but it's not as traumatic as it would be for a western because it's expected and the understanding that it's done out of love is usually included. In such relationships both sexes learn from their parents when it is or isn't acceptable with a slap inn*their* culture. But like with bdsm and the mental health use the acceptable use isn't so much slapping out of anger as just to gain attention when needed. Both to enforce the traditional power dynamic between the genders in their culture and for that mental health use. *Not* as a punishment or in anger. A face slap like this is very different from regular hitting a woman. Anyway, regardless of the culture or intention, they should definitely discuss this further between themselves. She's under no obligation at all to continue accepting this if she don't want to. But understanding the context is important when choosing exactly how to react.

[AnusNdaPainus]

@FreakyBaby87 bullshit If a woman loses control of her emotions and starts swinging at a man you wouldn’t give a fuck

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Losalt who cares this idiot still broke up with the guy 🙄

[Losalt]

Given that he was gaslighting her that was probably the best course of action. And no, we're not talking about self defense here. She wasn't hitting anyone. And if s girl is *attacking* you then a slap isn't appropriate either. At that point I suggest grappling her and holding her still till she calms down. Or if she's genuinely a threat striking her or pulling back till she's calmer. A open hand slap does nothing in that situation. As for punishing her (if you two have agreed that the relationship terms permits you to punish her) then a slap on her face isn't really the best either. No, it should be used exclusively to get attention when her mind is in the wrong space. Ideally if she *needs* it due to a downwards spiral. And you should talk with her and get her permission to do that.

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Losalt that’s not realistic You realize you’re basically teaching men to let women beat on them

[Losalt]

And a *slap* of a woman trying to beat you is?

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Losalt if it’s a woman hitting a man it’s okay. But if a man hits back he goes to jail and if that’s the case you might as well kill her.

[Asker]

But the situation is quite different here. Seems like you are biased towards men and there is no point in taking out frustrations here.

[Asker]

@anusndapainus

[Asker]

@anusndapainus why are you so frustrated and who told you that it's okay to be beaten by man or a woman. Neither of them is okay.

[FreakyBaby87]

@Losalt Do suck a dog's dick, ya trash. Putting hands on anyone is UNACCEPTABLE.

[FreakyBaby87]

@anusndapainus Do suck a dog's dick, ya trash. Putting hands on anyone is UNACCEPTABLE.

[AnusNdaPainus]

Then why when a man hits a man woman people immediately see it as unacceptable Yet when a woman hits a man no one cares if neither of them is okay then women should go to jail for hitting men

[AnusNdaPainus]

@FreakyBaby87 are you done behaving like a child?

[Losalt]

You two are both taking extremist positions to be honest. The world is more nuanced then that...

[AnusNdaPainus]

@Losalt no I’m not if my life is going to be ruined for hitting a woman I might as well kill her

[Asker]

@anusndapainus You should take out your frustration to those people not here with us.

[Asker]

@FreakyBaby87 agree 😄❤️

[AnusNdaPainus]

People like you all are the reason dating is not fun or effective anymore.

[Asker]

People like you are the reason women don't feel safe anymore

[AnusNdaPainus]

Women shouldn’t feel safe when so many of them are single because of horrible dating practices which prevent them from having relationships with men and the support system that comes with having their own families

[RyanK9b]

Well i can't imagine what a little slight slap on cheek is.
It is that strong that the area got red, is it to much

[RyanK9b]

How did he react?

[Asker]

He was not apologizing for it and was trying to give justification

[RyanK9b]

Nothing more? Emotions? Bagging? Reparation?

[Asker]

No he doesn't say sorry easily 😄

[RyanK9b]

Then he didn't care anyways 🤷‍♂️

[Alex-Snow]

No voilance is acceptable. Did he apologize?

[Staximus]

Get rid of this bum before he really hurts you. Have your guy friends kick his ass and tell him to never touch you again.

[BigDog1989]

No, it's not

[BigDog1989]

Sorry for his behavior. No man should EVER hit a woman, not even in self defense

[Asker]

Thanks for your advice 😊. Now I hope everything will be fine again. But yes neither man nor a woman should hit each other at any cost.

[noohair]

I don't think that this is ok.

[Shamalien]

If you’re not into that and it doesn’t turn you on then don’t indulge this behaviour. Giving him the BJ was probs the wrong move tbh. Ask him to apologize and promise he’ll never slap you again, then give him the positive reinforcement