My boyfriend started masturbuting on video call without asking me prior whether im okay with it. Is this normal or is he just after sex?

Question

I've been dating my boyfriend for a month now and we met online. We haven't met in person yet. Today he was talking about masturbation after a video call with me and I knew he was feeling kinda sexual at the moment.  He asked me to come again on video call which I first denied because I was feeling sleepy but it made him kinda upset. So I went on a video call again  After few seconds he started masturbuting and I hung up. He said sorry afterwards when I said him I was uncomfortable but it made me confused about his feelings towards me. This is my first relationship and I'm an overthinker too. So am I just overthinking or he's just after sex? Please help with an answer. Thank you

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

Sadly, this is our online world today. With a distance and video screen between us, people have brazenly felt it's okay to become so sexual in message and pictures, and your example: video.

I think he's done this because that's how people are behaving these days, and truly didn't think you'd find it so shocking, especially after a month of dating online. One month is quite normal for a lot of couples to engage in sex, and in your case, the only resort you have at the moment are video calls to see each other.

When you talked about masturbation, and you understood he was aroused, this must have been some sort of green-light he took by mistake. It's not right, but I think that's all that happened here.

You did express that you weren't comfortable with it, and he did apologize. As long as you're still speaking, he's stopped being inappropriate with you, and he still values you, I would say he's being agreeable and respecting your boundaries. This is a good sign. The rest is up to you to decide to move on from this.

Just know that if anything happens in the future and you are single and end up talking to other men, that the lude behaviour people feel so comfortable with online is everywhere, so just be prepared that it will very likely happen again at some point. This is where you hear talk of "unsolicited dick pics" that a lot of us women endure.

That's unfortunately where we are today. No one would have ever thought to have been like this pre-internet, but now that we've been this way for going on 30 years, we have to make things quite clear what our boundaries are with everyone, and stick by them.

provokeesmokee · Accepted Answer

He definitely was only thinking with his dick and he deserves the consequences for it.

It is technically harassment but you'd be hard pressed to make it a big case or anything cause you can and did just hang up.

Have a serious talk with him, and make it clear what consequences you'll mete out to him if he disrespects you like this again.

He is allowed to masturbate, of course, but why couldn't he have just watched porn? Instead of making you stay up to deal with his horny jerk off onto his phone?

Personally, I'd be ignoring his number and calls after 10pm.

JamesMI616 · Accepted Answer

In that case he shouldn't be doing anything like that without consent. I'd never send an unsolicited dick pic or talk dirty to you if you didn't want it. Asking for nudes is another example of something that you should choose to share with 0 pressure. It's not a problem that he wants you but I'm concerned that he doesn't respect your boundaries.

kellytheman · Accepted Answer

He did say sorry but I do feel he is just after sex. He wouldn’t be too upset if you wouldn’t video call him cause you was sleeping and he be happy just talking with you the phone or let you sleep and maybe make it a plan for next time.

SexyBrunetteNY · Answer

Ugh. So selfish and immature of him. You said you were TIRED, and that should've been the end of that story.

siferius90 · Answer

This was technically a "phone sex" and as any sex it should be consensual.

Bricealan · Answer

My view, he is a bit premature to be doing that at this point. MORE than a bit premature, sound like a very desperate and rude guy.

bowenw · Answer

It's normal for some people to do on video calls with consent, but without consent it is disrespectful, and possibly a red flag.

Nikki1989 · Answer

That is not only gross but also very disrespectful. Obviously, he can only think with his penis.

Sunnybeach123 · Answer

Really bad, that's a red flag

Jamie05rhs · Answer

He has horrible manners.

DarkLegacy · Answer

He does not need your permission to do so. Toxic femininity or what

peterrezeeek · Answer

here is scaring.  he just wants to use u.

msc545 · Answer

How can you have a boyfriend that you never met? That is ridiculous.

riverrat3 · Answer

He should have asked

azgınteke · Answer

normal

Sugarberry37 · Answer

I think he acted wrongly, he should have asked for your permission

Anonymous · Answer

It odd since you never met to do that and yeah he should have asked you first but most guys are horny at your age but it’s not just for sex but it is the driving force for men to get with women