My boyfriend touched me in my sleep before we were dating. what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I just found out that my boyfriend licked my vagina and sucked my boobs when I was asleep. He did this before we started dating and I was in a relationship with someone else at the time. I’m unsure how I’m supposed to deal with this. I know what he did was wrong but we’re a couple now and eventually we’re going to have sex. He only told me yesterday. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

First, it says a lot about him-essentially he sexually assaulted you-unconscious cannot give consent. Secondly, it says a lot about you. How did you not wake up? Were you wasted? What does that teach you about being wasted? Anyway-your boyfriend is the type of guy who will commit sexual assault. Not much different than that guy at Stanford who saw a girl passed out behind a dumpster and had sex with her while unconscious. On the other hand, given what he did, your boyfriend might get an appointment to the Supreme Court (like Kavanaugh) if Trump gets re-elected

[Asker]

I wasn’t on anything. I wasn’t drunk or high.

[Opinion Owner]

And he went down on you and you didn't wake up? And its still sexual assault

[Asker]

He only licked it once. He didn’t go down on me.

[Opinion Owner]

Did you consent? If not it is STILL sexual assault because an unconscious person cannot give consent. You are now with someone who thought it ok to sexually assault someone who they were not in a relationship with (according to your statement) while they were unconscious. The number of times his tongue touched your vagina is irrelevant-it is no less a crime whether he did so once or a thousand times.

[integrale77]

It's going to be your decision but remember he came clean about it.
On the other hand it does question his ability to respect your boundaries.

If I had a girlfriend that confessed to me she had "inspected my tackle" while I was sleeping before we got together I'd be OK with her as things have moved along. I would however make it clear to do no freaky shit and not do anything unagreed while I sleep.

[jgirl99]

That's kind of sexual assault, he did it without your consent while you were sleeping/unconscious

[Asker]

I know

[jgirl99]

Im sorry you experienced this, its really not fair

[Tyrael]

That's fucked up. Sorry to say it but you'd be better off without him. Anyone who is willing to do that to someone who isn't conscious is a fucking predator. Get far away.

[Asker]

But me and him are soulmates that’s why he did it. He would never do that to someone else. He told me he would not.

[Tyrael]

Are you being intentionally naive? He committed sexual assault, it doesn't matter what he says.

[Glenn603]

I`m actually a bit confused about this. If you were in a relationship with somebody else how come was you sleeping with him and i`m assuming you were obviously naked while in bed with him?
I promise i`m not judging or anything, i`m just getting the information before i can post my opinion.

[Asker]

I wasn’t sleeping with him. I went on holiday and I was staying at my grandmas house. I was sleeping in the same room as my cousin and my brother. He works for my grandma but he sleeps in another side of the house. And he said that he snuck in whilst I was asleep and did it. I wasn’t sleeping naked with him. I was 17 at the time.

[Glenn603]

So was your Brother and Cousin in the room at the time when he snuck in and did it to you and because you wasn`t sleeping naked, did he lick you over whatever you were wearing at the time? finally how long was it from him doing it to admitting what he did?

[Asker]

They were in the room and it’s been almost a year since it happened and he told me yesterday.

[Asker]

I don't know. I think he just undressed me.

[Glenn603]

Ok, so a few things worry me about this. Firstly if he was laid next to you in bed and did that to you without you knowledge and consent would be bad enough, but he was staying in another room, and to me that means that he planned on doing it, not on the spur of the moment and to even do it while other people were in your room as well. And the fact that he must have undressed you to do it is a million times worse still. He even then left it for about a year before telling you. Obviously i can`t tell you what to do, only you can decide that, but you need to think for yourself if you can be with somebody that is capable of doing that. I will say though that what he did was very wrong.

[Asker]

I know but what am I supposed to do I love him

[foxrider77]

That is wrong if you were with someone. If you guys were a thing they would be interested in getting you excited. I would talk to him about it.

[Asker]

I have and I don't know what to do because he’s not even sorry about it.

[TadCurious]

How was he able to lick your vulva while you were asleep when you were in a relationship with another guy? How was he even in your bedroom? 🤔

[KrakenAttackin]

That's an excellent point.

[Asker]

He sleeps in another room within the house because he worked for my grandma.

[kawaiiguineapig]

please break up with him. that’s sexual assault

[Sammy1985]

I thi k she should to.

[Dargil]

Did he sneak into your house? How did he get that close before you were "dating"?

[Asker]

I was staying at my grandmas house and he works for my grandma so he lived in the same house at the time.

[Dargil]

How did you "just find this out"? Did he tell you?

[Dargil]

What the heck. I won't wait until you respond. No virtue signalling from me. Although your story seems implausible, I'll run with it. Your woken association with him eventually resulted in mutual attraction and dating. Now you know just how much he desired you back then. He was so gentle with you that you did not even wake up. And he apparently do any sort of penis thing with you. He "loved on" your body. Cunnilingus and breast kissing are a show of fondness and appreciation. What do you do? Nothing, except tell him that you prefer it when you are awake.

[Asker]

I’ll tell him that

[BobbyC65]

Return the favor and give him a blow-job while he's sleeping and sucked on his nipple's. 💘

[Asker]

Nooo

[BobbyC65]

So your in to girl's.

[Asker]

No I just don’t sexually assault people

[BobbyC65]

LOL.

[lawhawk84]

nothing. carry on.

[Asker]

How?

[lawhawk84]

Like it didn't happen

[dthomas89]

do you think vampires need permission to bite you?

[Asker]

Yesss.

[Asker]

They should ask.

[COMMODOREII]

Damn. How do you feel about it?

[Asker]

Unsafe

[COMMODOREII]

That is messed up he violated you that way. You do not have to follow through with being with him if you do not feel safe being with him anymore.

[Asker]

I know he would never hurt me. He just made a mistake.

[COMMODOREII]

That is your choice but for me if someone did that to me and then pursued to have me as their boyfriend like that. I would never trust them ever. It is far too creepy and sleazy.

[Asker]

I know

[Twalli]

He assaulted you. Damn near raped you. Do you really want yo be with a guy like that? Let's say someone you'd never date did that. What would you do if you found out?

[Asker]

Report him

[Twalli]

So the only difference I see is that you like how this guy looks.

[Asker]

No we have a special connection which has nothing to do with looks. He makes me feel happier than any other person I’ve ever met and I cannot leave him when we have such a special connection.

[Twalli]

And his assault of you is... Whether or not you forgive him, he did assault you. It was not consensual

[Asker]

I know

[KrakenAttackin]

What do you want to do?

[MrMntMan]

I’ve had a girlfriend who did this to me constantly. It’s not a good thing... are you sure he hasn’t gone further?

[Asker]

I’m sure

[MrMntMan]

Be careful this may be a fetish of his. With my ex it was a fetish of hers. She couldn’t help her urges to do it

[Asker]

Okay

[OddBeMe]

First, that is sexual assault, but it sounds like he’s confessing. So that may be a good start for a relationship if you are able to forgive him. If you’re not, it’s certainly not your fault.

[Asker]

I can forgive him it’s just he scares me now

[jonnyhonest]

Hos do you feel about it? Because honestly chances there's a good chance he was with a couple other guys to when they were really raping you. And ask yourself. Why didn't you wake up during it? Were you druged?

[Asker]

It makes me feel violated and unsafe tbh. I think I didn’t wake up because I’m a deep sleeper. I hope he was not with a group of guys.

[jonnyhonest]

Weather he was with guys or not you were violated. What you should do is ask him. Acting like you dont care. How many guys were there and everything. But act like you like it and dont care. Then you'll know

[Asker]

Me and him agreed to stop talking about it. It’s done now. It doesn’t change that I love him and want to be with him. I don’t like what he did but there’s no point breaking up with him if it’s just going to make me really really sad.

[jonnyhonest]

Your just making excuses. Honestly if he really loves you hell tell you the truth.

[Asker]

He did tell me the truth

[Sammy1985]

You should ask him why he touched and take it from his answer.

[Asker]

He said it was because he was overflowing with love

[Sammy1985]

It's a good thing he's now your boyfriend but how did you not know he was touching you. We're you drunk or just a heavy sleeper.

[Asker]

Heavy sleeper

[Sammy1985]

You must be a very heavy sleeper. My girlfriend would wake up even if I just touched her boob lol

[Asker]

😂😂😂

[Sammy1985]

At what part did you wake up when he was touching. I would sleep threw anything myself 🤣🤣

[Asker]

I didn’t wake up

[Sammy1985]

Did you only find out when he told you what he did.

[Asker]

Yess

[Sammy1985]

How did you feel when he told you that.

[Asker]

Disgusted

[Sammy1985]

I'm sure you did. You could have him done for that

[boyfriend1915]

He told you that means he likes you and don't wanna hide it from you maybe he is liking you since before he did that act and due to love and closeness this must have happened.

[Asker]

But I don’t understand why. Now our first time together will never be special because our first time doing anything sexual I was asleep and had no idea what he was doing. It’s ruined it.

[boyfriend1915]

Don't think like that it's past now enjoy present and it's still first time as you people being couple now.

[Asker]

😂😂😂 okay

[boyfriend1915]

Did I said a joke 🤪

[boyfriend1915]

Well if I am not wrong you are from India?

[Anonymous]

Suck him off when he is sleeping

[KrakenAttackin]

That was my thought, get back at him.

[Opinion Owner]

@KrakenAttackin it’s only fair 😊

[Asker]

Noooooooo Sexual assault is wrong.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s not sexual assault, I can’t think of any guy that would not like that and I’m still waiting to find a woman that will do that to me to wake me up in the morning

[Asker]

It is sexual assault

[Opinion Owner]

Not to most guys but you could always get permission from him beforehand if you feel worried about it

[Anonymous]

How can someone do that without waking you up? I think he full of BS.
Test him. If you sleep with clothes on ask him if he was suprised to findout you sleep naked. And vice versa if you sleep naked.

[Asker]

But he knows what I sleep in. He’s seen my pyjamas before and he knows I sleep in clothes.

[jonnyhonest]

Test what he already did it.

[Opinion Owner]

Well did he send you a text or leave a voicemail saying he did such a thing?

[jonnyhonest]

Ya did he? Or anything that has to do with him groping you

[Asker]

He sent a text. We were talking about sex and I was like I want you to eat me out. Then he said mhmmm licking a girls vagina is so good. So I was like have you done it before. Then he was like yes and I was like to who? And he was like I did it to you. I was like I don’t remember that happening, when did it happen? Then he was like you were sleeping.

[jonnyhonest]

message him back and ask when? Like recently or b4 u guys started dating. Then ask who else was there

[Asker]

He told me it was before we started dating

[Opinion Owner]

What did the police say?

[Asker]

I’m not reporting him to the police he’s my boyfriend

[Opinion Owner]

Then what are you going to do?

[Anonymous]

Break up stupid. Next thing you know he's abusing you because you said no to anal sex.

[Asker]

But I love him.

[Opinion Owner]

And? I love money and don't have him, love weed doesn't mean we have to be together. The bitch is toxic, doesn't respects you, acts on teenager impulses and it's a no bueno for you. Drop him drop him drop him