My boyfriend wants to wait until marriage for sex?

Question

He’s a virgin and has religious beliefs. Should sex wait until marriage?

BigDog1989 · Accepted Answer

I'm a virgin, but I'm not religious even though I identify as a Jew. The only reason I've not had sex yet is because I wanted it to be with someone special, not just some random hookup. I know, old fashioned, and maybe cheesy but that's what I want. Problem is, I'm 34

RespectfulGuy · Accepted Answer

He's a virgin. It's noble to respect and support him.

And if you date without sex, then what binds you is love and common interests and beliefs of life. Which is good.

It's rare to find a guy who prefers to wait. He could be a gem.

Screenwriter · Answer

That would be completely up to the couple involved. You should respect his religious beliefs if you love him and wait. Or you could talk to him about how you feel and see if he thinks it might be OK since you're engaged.

The pilgrims allowed engaged couples to have sex. There are likely other religious groups who find this is OK. Look this up.. He might feel less constrained about it.

But if that gets you nowhere, you'll have to wait.

NamerOfStars · Answer

Practically, no- marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, and discovering you're incompatible only afterwards means either breaking that or resigning yourself to a lifetime of unhappiness.

However, he's probably not thinking that way out of short-sightedness, or even dogma, but a sincere belief in the importance of marriage and the value and power of sex. It's certainly respectable, and even commendable- to a point. I'm all in favor of not simply jumping into bed with someone as soon as you go out with them, but commitment has multiple levels, and I'd suggest not waiting until the very last one to see if one of the major components of a relationship will work out. I don't know you- well, probably not- so I can't definitively say what's best for you, but I'd suggest doing some deep reflection on this, and then talking to him about it, and asking him to give it some though, too.

See, as you draw closer to another person, you start to bond with them, in numerous different ways. While on the surface, a guy who you KNOW isn't just trying to get into your pants sounds like a good deal (and in some ways it is, make no mistake), you eventually run the risk of one who desperately wants sex seeking marriage before either of you is ready just to put that fire out.

Now I want to make it clear that I don't think waiting for marriage is bad, and I respect people who have that strength of belief. But at the very least, it warrants deep, powerfully intimate, and likely hideously embarrassing conversations about sex and sexuality between you beforehand so you're not going in totally blind, if that's the direction you choose to go.

Lliam · Answer

I totally disagree with his attitude. He sounds like a nut.

petitedollbabee · Answer

That’s up to you to decide if you want to stay with him. Everyone has different beliefs. I don’t believe in waiting until marriage for sex, otherwise you risk being sexually incompatible and finding out too late.

LazerBean · Answer

He definitely should, and he should do it with someone who shares his values rather than someone who he is having to drag into it.

slatyb · Answer

in my opinion it definitely should not. You may marry this man and find out that he just doesn't have much of a sex drive. Besides, he's a religious zealot with beliefs you don't share. Don't you think that will lead to a lot of conflict in the future?

stepyo99 · Answer

Yes. It's the best way to make sure you two actually love and care for each other and aren't just using each other for a cheap fuck. It also prevents a lot of issues like unwanted pregnancies or hurt feelings because one has different priorities in a relationship than the other.

exitseven · Answer

I was in a relationship with somebody that wanted to wait until marriage. I waited 4 years until I broke up with her. I would not do this again.

tfan1 · Answer

My wife and I did. We gave our virginity’s to each other on our wedding night 👍🙂

kellytheman · Answer

His religious beliefs are strong enough to be celibate till marriage you probably should honor that if you really love him. It still doesn’t mean you can’t do other things though like mutual masturbation, oral sex or if you are bold enough anal sex but I kinda discourage that last one.