My boyfriend was swinger in his previous marriage. I am monogamous and feel like I will never be enough for him now?

Updates:
1 y
I guess i wondered if those that have been active in the lifestyle can find true fulfillment in monogamy after. The question space doesn’t let you write much
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • You’re right. You’ll never be enough for him. Just as he will never be enough for you. Just because your get married doesn’t mean that other person becomes everything you need. You have friends that are the fun ones and the ones that are the listening emotional ones. You can’t expect the fun ones to be the listening type or vice versa. You go to those friends for the things that you require. A spouse is the same way. Just because they love you and them you, doesn’t mean that you are everything they need. To expect that you would be is irrational. It’s the mistake that most people make when looking for a mate. We have this romanticized notion that the person we find will be everything they need. This irrational expectation puts pressure on the relationship. So just love them and lower your expectations to something that’s reasonable and rational. Trust me you’ll be happier.

    • If you know he’s like this why ask him to be something he’s not. If you can’t accept him for who he is then you’ll never be happy. Don’t try to change him.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You're right, you won't. You shouldn't have ever given him a chance.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Can understand your conflict. Have you discussed? I could understand you might not want to do so.

    Maybe his wife led him into it. Maybe he led her into it. Maybe he is older and wiser now and would like you to be his only. You might dislike knowing details and hearing stories but I think you need to ask at this level. Otherwise you might burn up slowly on this.

    Sex is not affection/love. You can have a lot of sex but yearn to have simple affection in your life.

    • WRT your update. It is possible. He could want affection/love this week but want lots of sex next week. I don't think you can really know he might be very genuine - this week. Most people don't want to share but some do. I am changing my mind here, into it is not a good bet for you.

  • People's desires and preferences in relationships can change over time. It's important to talk openly with your Master about your concerns and to understand each other's expectations and boundaries in the relationship. Trust, communication, and mutual understanding are key for a healthy relationship. If you feel like you'll never be enough, it may be helpful to channel your self hatred into something more productive like give your Master massages and learning new recipes.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

1 14
  • Yeah, that’s a real legitimate concern. Body counters and Porn watchers brains are rewired. You can read Hooked on Amazon and the neurological journals where it comes from.
    Unable to do LTR as they hop to another body once buzz wears off.

  • It could be that he ended up not liking the swinging lifestyle. Of course you'd want to talk to him a lot about this if the relationship proceeds.

  • Then you need to have a serious conversation about expectations and feelings

  • You might not be enough.

  • It is a serious thing to discuss with him to see if he still wants that lifestyle.

  • If you do that, why did you get involved?

    • I knew him as a teenager. We reconnected now. If i had just met him would have walked away without question

    • Ok..

    • I was seeing if you knew that already why would you get involved now understand

  • Then why the f are you dating him?

  • Has he indicated that to you?

  • so what's your question?

    • I guess i wondered if those that have been active in the lifestyle can find true fulfillment in monogamy after. The question space doesn’t let you write much

    • I think this is a conversation that you need to have with him.

  • People change. Swinger doesn’t mean cheating. That also requires disloyalty and lying. Is trustworthy?

  • Ask him if a desire to continue in the Lifestyle is important to him. Explain your position.

  • I dont think I could go back to monogamy after that

  • He will neglect you, so stop relationship with him

  • Yeah that would be a red flag.

  • What's the question?

    • I guess i wondered if those that have been active in the lifestyle can find true fulfillment in monogamy after. The question space doesn’t let you write much

    • I've talked with many guys who were in the lifestyle for years, and then one day their wives just stopped. The guys entered a deep depression. Their hobby/passion was now gone. If your main worry is him having other women, many swingers will settle for just guys for you only. I talked with the husband of a porn star. He said he first got her into swinging, and they both liked it. Then he realized he lost interest in other women, so he asked his wife if they can just focus on her getting other men, and forget about couples. She agreed, and he's happy as a clam. Then she got into camming, and then porn. but Wayne has zero interest in other women.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gx2Bn2qjVo