My boyfriend won’t look at me during sex. He said it’s because he wants to last longer. Do guys really do this?

I’d think looking at your girlfriend would intensify the experience in a good way.

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Superb Opinion
  • Many do, yes. Why? A combination of (depressingly warranted) fear of judgement and lack of creativity.

    When a man ejaculates during sex (you see the same thing, though to a MUCH lesser degree, with masturbation), he's hit with what's basically a hormonal tranquilizer dart, making him drowsy and trying to send him to sleep, far more than the simple exertions of sex would. Many women complain about this, not realizing it's for their evolutionary benefit. At your age, it's not likely to take him down completely, but it WILL leave him fatigued; that's obviously no good if it leaves you unsatisfied. But the inability to maintain an erection doesn't necessarily mean that sex has to end; there are other ways to stimulate you (this is where the lack of creativity comes in).

    Catch is, instinct will tell you that a man who needs to resort to those is a man who's an inferior physical specimen (which isn't really wrong), and tell you you could do better; any woman can tell her brain to shut the fuck up, because SHE'S the one in charge, dammit, but few will. Guys know this, and they fear post-sex rejection.

    So yes, guys DO do that, because a large number of people still see sex as something men do to women, instead of with them. It makes the experience a little TOO intense. What's the solution? Well, one option is to show him what he's missing out on, both in the "letting him see the results of his efforts" and the "losing himself in the moment and feeling instead of thinking" categories- and I mean SHOW him, not just tell. How? Tell him you want to try something new, sexually. That'll probably get his attention. Tell him you want to try experimenting with digital stimulation (meaning fingers, not electronics)- letting each of you learn more of the other's pleasure centers while being able to focus purely on that. If he balks, tell him you'll go first. Tell him that anyway, since if he sees good results, he'll be more likely to approach it eagerly when it's his turn, and you both benefit.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I've never heard of that before. But that doesn't mean that he's not sincere in saying that.

    At the same time... I can fully appreciate how that's not alright with you.

    You are absolutely right about eye contact intensifying the experience in a good way (which is why it's important to you... and every other girl on earth). But that same logic actually supports his rational. Intensifying sex in a good way is exactly what's apt to make a guy cum. So his logic does hold up.

    That being said, no, guys don't do this. Because it's simply not an acceptable way to try and last longer. It's just not acceptable for most parters to have someone fucking them but unwilling to make eye contact. So I think that most guys kinda realize that, and so don't even think about it as a possibility.

    I think you need to just talk to him. If eye contact is important to you. Help him understand why. If you would rather he looked at you during sex, even if it means the sex doesn't last as long... then say so.

    He only wants it to last long for your sake anyway. If what he's doing is actually not contributing to your overall enjoyment of sex... then letting him know, will put a stop to it.

    It depends how you feel about it all. You DO have to accept him finishing sooner if you ask him to look at you. But... that trade-off would be worth it to most women. I think you just need to let him know how your really feeling about all of this.

    You both are working towards the same goal--giving YOU good sex (sex for him will be good. You don't really have to work too hard to make that happen. He's doing it for you. It's just misguided).

Most Helpful Girls

  • Lol yea many guys can be strange in the bed. Maybe the eye contact causes him to turn on more hence will make him cum faster. I remember this guy who was pounding me from behind said he didn’t want to look at my ass because he would cum in a second. I’m like what? Then why are we even doing doggy lol.

  • I'd never heard that before but it could be that you're really attractive :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 12
  • His reason checks out. There is a very easy way for you to verify it. Since he's stating that looking at you during will make him reach the end sooner, as he does reach it, is he looking at you? If so, all is well!

    Guys all do weird things. I personally imagined a refridgerator when I was new to things. As it was the least sexy, not a turn off, thing little me could think of.

    • Hahaha. Yeah I made him look at me once and he did in fact finish lol

  • Yeah my ex would look at the bed beside my head so he could last longer...

  • If I am having trouble pacing myself, it helps me to close my eyes. I need to get into the right headspace. And looking at your body is sure to make him more aroused. So, if needs to be less aroused, looking away will help. Reaching climax quickly -before he has a chance to enjoy the experience- is disappointing and frustrating. He wants to slow himself down.

  • Tell him to recite the alphabet backwards, while fucking and look at you during that time... zyxw... etc. That should help he some LOL

  • It's possible that he so attracted to you that it will make him cum too quickly. re you that hot? If so, I;d be happy to give you a few tips in a personal seminar

  • it may be like u make fucking sexy faces while getting fucked which makes him cumm faster

  • "intensify the experience in a good way". NO SHIT!
    That's why he doesn't want to do it! So he can LAST longer! (Think!)

  • Several points here. First not everyone enjoys sex the same way. Nevertheless, I do get the connection about looking at each others eyes during sex. Now, it also depends on what you mean "he does not look at you", do you mean at your face? or he does not want to look at you at all? The second one would be weird, guys are very visual. Now, I would say do not feel insecure about it. Sex is a huge part of a realationship, not because it is the most important part, but because of the intimacy of it, and if you guys are not connected on what you enjoy, it makes tough. You should express what you like and express why it would make it more pleasurable for you. If he cares, he will understand and adjust, or negotiate in some way. The point is, you both should talk and you should not adjust 100% to what he wants just for his sake, as well as he should not for yours. This should be intimate and both should enjoy it, especially if its in a relationship. Now casual sex is different, but that is not the matter. If he does not meet your intimacy needs, consider if you would like to live sex that way in the long term, which I gather not. I was in a similar situation, a girl wanted me to say caring things during sex, I wasn't really in love with her so I could not meet that need. To this day, I understand her need, and I understand that If I could not meet such need, I had to let go, which I did. But if I had been in love with her, and she asked for me to say cute thing during sex, I for sure would adapt to her needs.

  • I think this question has been asked before and i answered!!!

  • I prefer to have eye contact and dirty talk during sex

  • he is trying to last to please you, which would you prefer

  • He’s concentrating to avoid busting. It’s kind a normal.

  • if he don't look at you he's only using you as a fuck n chuck a pump n dump and isn't really your boyfriend

  • Why would you doubt him?