My dad cheated on my mom with escorts my entire life. How do I move past this?

[Anonymous]

I had found out back in 2016 when I saw emails back and forth for erotic massage/escort service and then followed him out to an escort house 40 min away. I confronted him, he said he’d tell my mom since I told him he had to, eventually it got out, she was devastated, it blew up but they worked through it. He said it’s good I found out bc he was becoming addicted to it. I thought it ended.

Now, years later, we were taking a photo of all of us selfie way and he got a suspicious text while we were taking it which he got super flustered and quickly took his phone down and swiped the message away. A couple years ago he exchanged his old phone for a new one. I found his old phone and was going to use it myself and opened up the internet and the first page was that same escort page. Which means back in 2021 he was back at it.. I doubt he was just visiting the site to reminisce.

Now looking back on my childhood, at around age 9 I came across him on this website with naked women when I surprised him while he was on the computer. Back in 2007 I saw “sweety” messages from someone on his phone as well. In 2013 he was frequent on the escort site but I turned my head.

I can’t tell my mom again, it would break her heart. He obviously has an addiction or lack of self between them. My mom isn’t too sexual. How do I move past this myself? It angers me so much when I sense he’s leaving the house to go to meet an escort. I think it’s happening weekly again. It also sickens me to think he’s doing things with these women who are my age or younger. I’m truly disgusted. He’s been a 10/10 dad to me, he’s given me everything and I’d say he’s like my best friend so this is hard for me.

[Anonymous]

honestly if he's been a great Dad and he's stayed with your mom into old age despite his desire for other women I would just completely ignore this part of his life. This is more common than you would like to believe. If it weren't for these escort girls he probably would have left your mom a long time ago. He is making due with a bad situation. Personally, if I saw my dad doing this kind of thing I would have ignored it and never brought it up to mom. I think by doing this you probably made his life a lot worse than it already was.

[Asker]

So I should suspect this will happen to me in marriage one day too

[Opinion Owner]

no but if it does than its up to you to deal with it. At that point it would become your business.

[Asker]

But you see that is the example he set as a dad and husband, so maybe he wasn’t a 10/10 dat

[Asker]

Dad*

[Opinion Owner]

I would say he's not a 10/10 husband but he could still kind of be a 10/10 Dad.

[Asker]

Not really. You can’t separate them. He set the example for men in my life, and this is tragic to me

[Opinion Owner]

ok , its also possible your mom isn't a 10/10 wife. So I would also not take cues from her when it comes to how to be a wife.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s true too. She obviously doesn’t see the importance of sex. Now I’m over sexual with every guy I date because I fear losing them

[MementoMori777]

Wouldn't keeping it in the dark from your mother in the long run hurt her more? Because the longer she spends being deceived the harder it will be when she finds out, you should tell your dad you know again and that you want him to go to therapy and then say he has to tell her again, it seems like an addiction from the way you make it sound.

[Asker]

Well I figure if I never say anything she’ll live forever not knowing. She’ll never catch him. She doesn’t catch on to these things and believes in the best of people. He says he goes golfing or going to a store in another city and she trusts him. I am tempted to tell him I know again, but I’d need concrete evidence so he can’t deny it since he will. Then I also know men, humans, do crave sex and that isn’t wrong and if my mom doesn’t want to have sex, it also isn’t fully fair to him. I’m not saying his behavior is ok but I understand I guess? Yet at the same time I can’t stand it.

[MementoMori777]

All I got from that is that you'd be willing to cheat too, either ways tho the truth always comes out at some point, the longer you wait the more painful it will be to that person and you knowing and not telling her, if she figures that one out then that's someone else she can't trust, you can at least say you suspect he might be doing it again because of what you found on the old phone, from there she has the knowledge but she chooses to do what she pleases with it, I don't really know what to do in a situation like this cause it's never happened to me but I do know that nothing good comes from hiding the truth or lying.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Basically you get over it because it’s life. Relationships aren’t like they are in fairytales. It’s never happily ever after.

[Asker]

I don’t really trust your opinion, no offense

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Hey! The truth is hard to take sometimes.

[Mettbltt]

ı m sorry for you