Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
The first thing to answer is yes I did come from a damaged home and I probably have lost some moral or emotions. I find it hard to make friends, I went to seven primary schools, and every time I made friends I couldn't exactly say by the way I'm being beaten by my mother or that I get starved or that there was various guys in and out the house. I couldn't say my biggest fear was, what I called the black men knocking on the door (they were guys in black suits, and from a poor family and the way they asked for money scared me - other words, debt collectors).
When I was eight dad gained custody of me and life was grand it took me a year to even start trusting another female, dad worked nights got home at 7am took me to school for 9am, slept and picked me up at 3:15pm and hung out with me then went to work for 11pm. So I guess I was extremely clingy for a time though the bond between us has never ceased.
I'm 18 finished my Alevels, had two boyfriends one for a month and the other for a week, he kept pushing me to have sex so I broke up with him as I wasn't ready (16 at the time).
I decided I wanted to go to university at another city three hours away. In hindsight it was this that messed me up more, I never realised how much I talked to my dad about problems, feelings, majority of the time he's my best friend and I definitely relied on him too much, probably still do and will for a while more.
I went to university, and didn't have the rock of home, I had to do more thinking myself and confided in my friends a bit more, or should I say new friends that I met at university. It was during this time that I thought what's the big deal with sex? And three months later fucked a guy, didn't feel anything good or bad, and didn’t hurt even though it was my first time. I didn't feel pleasure, I felt slight pressure then just numbness didn't feel him at all. I didn't do anything sexual for a year, other than a couple of kisses at clubs.
In year two I made other friends who were also of the promiscuous lifestyle and thought nothing of it tbh, although at the time I didn't want to go over ten guys. That year I slept with 3 guys, one was good I found out I was fairly kinky and it wasn't just fantasy, second physically hurt me and the third made me realise I wanted a friends with benefits or somewhat of a relationship. I loved sex and what it entails but I wanted it with someone I cared for. If only I stopped there :/
By year three, one of my previous housemates broke down my door scared and terrified me he had bloodshot eyes was on something and drunk as well. I messed up my exam and had to retake a year. And this was after being extremely paranoid of things being put in my food, rate poison in beds, stink bombs in my room (we didn't have locks).
I got persuaded to go on holiday and though it was a nice place, the actual time spent there was shit. I started smoking weed and each time I did I realised just how much of an illusion I was living. As in I saw the truth of my shitty friends and how much I was telling myself everything was alright. It was Christmas 2017 and I was also working alongside going to university, and could only go home for about eight days, when the last two years I spent about sixteen odd days back home.
In the next six months I slept with eight guys with six of them being in two months. As the year went on I was getting more depressed and the only time I noticed was when I was high. I was also not eating properly while doing a lot more exercise, so I lost a lot of weight and looked a lot sexier than I ever have been. I was getting so much more attention from guys, like wolf whistles as I walked down the street and getting chatted up on the street etc.
What messed me up was when I decided to have cocaine for the first time, and I knowingly got sucked into the trap of a married guy, I felt so sick to the stomach and it set me off to have sex with seven more guys. I couldn't stand myself for what I did, I know it takes two to tango, but the way I saw it: I wanted attention so so much that when he started saying how beautiful and sexy I looked, I couldn't resist him it brings me to tears even now. Months has passed, hell I moved back home so there's no possible chance of ever seeing him or anyone who knows him again.
The main reason though, was I found out I was pregnant and I don’t know call me selfish, point to prove, whatever. I'm going to be a great mum and do well for my child going to finish university, get a good job and maybe eventually I'll find a guy who would accept me.
I know, I made my bed and I'm going to sleep in it. I'm just not going to let myself be put down by others again and enjoy what life has given me, I'm only 21, almost 22 and I have much more fight then that in me.
The only thing is, if I do finally get into a relationship with a guy why would I ruin something I've always wanted by cheating? I would rather walk on shattered glass and climb through a maze of barbed wires (saw style), then ever do that to him, or myself for that matter.
What Girls & Guys Said
22 54People here judging you as if they don't ever fuck up themselves.
Good luck with the baby and finding a good man. I am rooting for you. Do not allow any shitheads to make you feel bad for your choices. At least you acknowledged what happened and are taking responsibility and being an adult about it. Most people here wouldn't do that.
I like when people make up excuses for being ho's. It is what it is.
It's kind of funny. An insecure girl ends up like you, insecure guys end up being losers on the internet and bitter 24/7. At least you get some escapes.
These hoes ain't loyal and don't deserve a high quality boyfriend.
As for you, you might have better chances of finding a relationship with other single fathers or cucks.
Good luck in life.
Hey , honestly I like you.
And about moving away for university and not getting to confide in your dad , the thing is you have to learn to be indepenedant in life. So do not think of it as something that messed you up , but rather a learning experience.
I think women are more likely to change this behavior than men. Promiscuous women are more likely to do it cause of some sort of trauma or issues and get relieve outta it. I think guys are more likely to just enjoy going from a girl to the other and less likely feel bad about it. Just my opinion...
Interesting take
Okay.
Jeez, choosing to have sex? That's so alien to me. Completely outside my experience.
I won't feel bad for you.
Im just jealous i didn't get to meet you. Ugh, post a pic. Do you think you're pretty?
And things like this is why I go anon, and why I don't post pics cus I get enough messages on my account as it is
I can’t help it... You’re probably hot aren’t you. It’s just not fair. I’m not rude but it’s not fair
Help me out at least. Which countries or cities can I find girls like you?
@Mytake owner. One of the reasons why I go anonymous as well
@xButterflyKisses87x so perverts like me ruin everything? 😔
No... just a lot of people do lol I’m not saying all guys are like that
@xButterflyKisses87x well. Guys get turned on by the idea that you had so much casual sex. It’s hot. That’s why you and the take owner get attention.
Of all the guys you slept with, how many did you give oral to and how many gave you oral?
Me to them 10/12, them to me 6/12 but that's generally cus I prefer to be fingered it's more of a turn on
So, the majority of them offered? And they sounded enthusiastic about it and wanted to do it for a good amount of time? Or did they seem kinda happy that you said you didn’t like it or made them stop? Sorry, I’ll probably never sleep with even half that amount, so just curious about how sex usually goes.
Fair enough, it wasn't a plan of mine either I remember thinking I'll never sleep with more than 7 guys absolute max was no more than my fingers, that's out of the window now lol. A lot of my experiences only a few of them were really good, only four of them I would consider are actually good experiences, and out of the 12 only 2 of them I had sex with more than once. I've only actually had sex 19 times (not including multiple couplings in the same night. One of them I woke up next to a guy after the night out, I didn't remember leaving the club let alone meeting him or inviting him round, that was scary and I wish no one else gets like that, ya know maybe I can help educate others in a more meaningful way then just don't do it, I mean anyone can say that. If you have any more questions don't be afraid to ask I really don't mind.
Good to know. Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for sharing sounds like most adults I know sadly.
So how do you think it would have gone if you did not have sex with those guys? What if you tried waiting for sex with a guy?
During that time what was sex to you?
At that time sex was comfort I knew none of these guys loved me, but at the time I kept getting told by my "best friends" that I was ugly, stupid, no one would ever want to hang out with me but them, they told me how everything was my fault or that I over reacted on a comment they made and that they didn't mean it like that. And most days I spent wishing I was back at home with my family, with the ones who loved me. I used to watch videos of us and cry. I knew I could get these guys and I wasn't bad at sex, I loved giving bjs cus I was pleasing someone and where I couldn't please anyone else at least I could do that. But tbh all I wanted was to be held and for the guy to cuddle/hug me. All I wanted was a friend and I thought I was worthless in any sort of way and the only way I could possibly hold any interest was via my body.
Wow that sucks. I'm sorry and I get it how sex can be comforting for a time of hell. That is so sad and I wish there was something to tell others and explain it. So more get that sex won't help only be a temperary bandaid. When what you need is to be held and a good freind. I know a few girls who are only a body for sex and they are so broken and disgusting. But they just need some love, a good freind, and to take care of themselves. Often they look 50 when they are 30.
I'm better just being away from the toxic people, at home for the moment and will get my own place in awhile, soon I'll finish my degree and I'm going for a first and I want to get a part time job in finance and going to take up dancing and try and make new friends
Sounds great and I agree with you. I stay away from toxic people and if a freind is dragged in by one. I just let it run the course and let them cry on my shoulder.