Sexual Relationships
9 mo

My fiance and I got drunk and it happened... how to stop feeling some guilt over it?

After my fiance and I stopped by to visit my parents and other relatives for Christmas, we returned home and somewhat drunk. I had avoided drinking for the longest but for some reason, felt so comfortable and let my guard down.

The bad news is this time neither of us could stop ourselves, got undressed, condom was used and it happened. Strangely I didn't feel pain, well maybe it was the booze taking effect. The next day I felt overwhelming guilt over it. We just needed less than 3 months to wait (March 20th) and now I'm officially no longer a virgin. So close to the date and I couldn't resist.

He's been trying to comfort me though and is telling me it's natural what happened, not to overthink, the date is still on. How to stop feeling some guilt over it?

Updates:
9 mo
We shouldn't have drank. This lower down our inhibition. Now it's like I went against my stance, my own value. I've made my own promise long ago to wait and now this happened. I was pure until this.
0 2

AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • Now that it's done... is he expecting you to just do it now every time he wants? Is your intent to remain abstinent again until marriage? Did he focus on your pleasure before his? To you climax?

    Okay, you were both drunk. He knows it was important to you. Does he care that it's still important to you? This isn't as simple as you liking the color green for the living room and him buying brown just because he doesn't care how important green is to you. This was something that was special to you that you can't get back, ever. If he can't control himself for a few months... if he doesn't care about what is really important to you... what else that is important to you is he going to ignore?

    Now that you have crossed this threshold see how he acts.

    • By now I'm getting over with my disappointment and desiring him even more after that night. I can get used to it by now. The wedding is still set for March 20th.

    • Just a consideration, how much does he care that he took advantage of a situation and took something important to you? If he doesn't really give af... keep that in mind. Don't be distracted by "do YOU want it again". He knew you didn't want to but he took advantage of your weakness. Hey, consider this too... now you've got something to throw in his face when you start arguing. So maybe he actually did you a favor.

    • I don't see it as him taking advantage of me but rather we both desired each other so much and alcohol lowered our inhibition.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • SMH... fucking virgins, right? At least you did it with a special person, don't make such a big deal out of it. I mean seriously, there's no taking back, and he is right it is 100% natural, and people been doing that way since the creation of time, and God specifically designed us and engineered us to do it that way. So don't blame yourself for being fucking human, its god's fault he made you that way. If he really didn't want, you to do it that way then it would have been the worse and most painful thing ever and nobody would ever want to do it ever for any reason.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I’m assuming you were raised to wait for marriage to have sex me and my boyfriend were too and so hard to have the self-control don’t feel bad over it like so many have said it’s already done you can’t go back but make people so don’t stress over it you already have enough stress with you know your wedding coming up

    • Not really but I used to see the way my parents loved each other (unaware they had their own issues long ago), thought it was a one of a kind love and made a promise to myself that I'll make it a virgin on my wedding, that my body and love will only be for that one man.

    • Ok thanks for the info again don’t stress over what already happened. I know it’s hard when you wanted to wait until your wedding night for that moment but you can still make it special.

  • You still lost it to your finance the man you are marrying. It's not like you lost it to some random guy. So I don't see how you are no longer pure

    • yeah when we were at it... it was like it all came natural and we weren't thinking about waiting till March 20th. The good thing is the date is still on; we're still getting married. Though I had the best intention of waiting till marriage, oh well.

    • You need to stop hating on yourself. You aren't going to be punished. A least at the end of the day, you got to lose it to someone you love and who loves you. Not everyone gets that opportunity.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 24

  • What's the big deal? You guys enjoyed one wild night while being engaged to each other. You didn't commit any crime so relax. You guys are anyway going to be tying the knot so just relax and lose this guilt shit.. both of you !!

  • At least you got commitment first than him getting sex. By the time you gave in to him, you were already with your engagement ring and a wedding date. It's a won for you.

  • I was expecting something truly terrible, and you guys just had sex. He is your fiance, not a random guy in a club toilet. Cheer up and free yourself from a society-induced guilt, there is absolutely nothing wrong in what you did

    • I wasn't ever pressure by society. It was just a personal promise I've made to myself as a kid of making it a virgin on my wedding. I broke it. Oh well.

  • It’s ok to wait, but it’s also ok not to wait. Look at this in a more positive way….. ask did you enjoy it and does your future husband make you feel great?

    • That's a good point. The answers to both questions is a definitely yes.

    • It’s your fiancée, enjoy it! And congrats on the wedding, we are getting married a month later in April

  • I understand that this must be so hard to deal with and really tough to get over.

    But please also understand also that what happened with you could so easily happen to anyone. Don't be too hard on yourself.

    • Thank you. I'm getting over my disappointment and treating it as a blessing to be with the man I love and whom I'll marry.

  • You’re not planning on leaving him, are you? He’s not planning on leaving you, is he? No harm, no foul. Think of it as a dress rehearsal for your wedding night. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with what happened. Be happy for each other!

    • No, we're not leaving. The wedding is still on. The date is still on for March 20th. I was just a bit disappointed at myself because I've made a promise as a kid to make it to the altar still a virgin... oh well.

  • I think you need to pray to God and repent. If you feel guilt this is good. You and your fiancé need to pray and repent to God.


    If you need to. Say your wedding vows in front of God and you’re married in the eyes of God. That or just keep waiting.


    You’re both human. You made a bad decision but you can be forgiven. I wish you both the absolute best and congratulations on your engagement.


    At least you lost your virginity to him so. There’s that too.

    • It's more like I disappointed myself. I've made a personal promise as a kid to be a virgin on my wedding but it didn't happen. Oh well. Yes we're only humans.

    • Well you did disappoint yourself but the fact of the matter is that you feel bad for it. Meaning you have good moral character. We all do stuff that we regret. What matters is that we learn form our disappointment, guilt, shame, etc and become better from it. It’s not good to stay there and wallow in it forever. We have to forgive ourselves. Learn from it and move on

  • I see. Well, as broken of a record as it will sound, what's done is done. You can't change it now. Your intent was to make it to your wedding day, but a situation got the best of you. It's okay. You won't be the first person or the last to experience something like this.

    Grieve if you have to for a little bit, but pick yourself up and shake it off. I'm sure that once your married, everything will still be the same. Don't beat yourself up about it.

    • Thank you. I'll be ok again. So much for getting comfortable with the booze (that sure lowers your inhibition), oh well.

  • At least it was with the man you are marrying. What is done is done, so you need to move on. The fact that sex happened so naturally is a good sign. That’s not always the case for couples and sometimes it can be a serious problem.

  • You are still the same good person with the same values. You are human and humans make mistakes.

    • I have good intentions to be a virgin on my wedding date but oh well, it happened. Yeah our mistake was drinking.

    • I wish you and your fiancé all the best in your life together.

    • thank you

    • Show All

  • I think if you really love somebody then sex is okay. You are still a nice person and you will be an awesome wife. Don't beat yourelf up over this. And don;t think of it as a mistake. It was an expression of how you feel.

    • yeah, all alcohol did was made me do what I've been wanting for a while; I was desiring him as much as he was desiring me. I was withholding myself due to my own promise I've made when I was a kid. I had promised to myself to be a virgin on my wedding. Thanks

    • I can understand why you are disappointed in yourself but you are really a pretty amazing person. Try not to dwell on this

  • Am I missing something? You have an engagement ring on. he's yours, you're not the first or the last person to experience it. Take it for what its worth and stay faithful. Its all you can do at this point. There are much worse things that can happen then premarital sex. By the time he puts that wedded ring on you both will be engaged in all sex till death do you part.

    • Thank you. I'm getting past my slight disappointment in myself. I had made a promise to be a virgin on my wedding since I was a kid. I'm someone that keeps promises and this time I broke that promise, oh well.

  • It isn't a big deal. You are gonna be married and it was with your fiance.

    • yeah I have to admit, we were having a great time when it happened. It was just the next day that I felt some guilt. I had the best intention of waiting till marriage but oh well. I'll be getting over it soon.

  • I get it, but foreal, who cares whether you have sex now or in 3 months. This is illogical and silly

    • I just got briefly disappointed in my myself but I'm over it. It's just that I've made that promised of making it a virgin on my wedding; it's a promise I've made ever since I was a kid. I broke it... oh well

  • That's torn it! Now you'll have to marry him.

    • Nothing has changed about the date. The wedding is still on for March 20th.

    • So let's pretend nothing happened. It can be our secret.

  • Why did you have a condom if you were waiting until marriage?

    • He had it just in case I couldn't wait anymore and he guessed right when we were both drunk.

  • In that moment even though you were both drunk it was meant to happen, you both wanted to, it sounded passionate, you weren't too drunk to know to use a condom, you were careful and it didn't hurt for your first time.

    I count that as a win.

    I know you wanted it to be like a fairytale perfect wedding night but I think it already was minus the wedding night. So don't feel guilty because I think you should look back on this night as a treasured perfect night because that what it sounded like.

    • Yes I have to admit it was a great moment. I know ideally it would've been to follow through with the private promise I've made to myself as a kid, to make it to the altar still a virgin. Oh well, things don't always go exactly as planned. Thank you.

    • Don't feel too guilty, not everything goes according to plan

  • You can't undo what's already done.

    Alcohol is bad, lesson learned.

  • Life goes on.

    • True. I just got a bit disappointed at myself for breaking my long ago, childhood promise. I had made a promise to myself of making it a virgin on my wedding. Oh well. Sometimes things don't go the way as planned.

  • It's ok k but reaze the hell out of him

    • Oh well what's done is done. I broke my childhood promise of waiting till marriage.

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