My Fiance and I tried the Hotwife thing and I think its over now? Please help?

[Lost42]

My fiance and I are 42. We were previously married and it ended badly. He was a good guy when I knew him before.

He started pushing the HW thing on me right out of the gate - 2 months in. I had serious doubts mainly being am I not enough? Why does he want this?

This became like an obsession for him along with constant porn. He has fixed a few things but still pushes my boundaries with this stuff. I recently found out that this is not something we came to together like he said but he used to do this on his own. With men and women starting shortly after his divorce. Very extreme things.

What should I do? He says he loves me but now I am overly jealous and hurt all the time.

He is not a bad person but when we talk about it he says its all me, my hormones, my problems from before. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated?

[_Maya_]

Sounds like it was a mistake and while he thought he wanted it he really regretted it. That is too bad and sorry to hear you guys are having trouble. You may want to talk to someone professionally about it like a counselor. At the very least you need to sit down with him and clearly define your boundaries. You need to tell him that what he sees in porn is not realistic for your love life. You should not consent to something that you do not want to do. Also, he needs to lay off the porn and come back to reality. That might be the bigggest problem and what is causing the issues.

[Lost42]

Thanks Maya, I thought that too but we stop doing it and everytime I get back to normal he pushes it again. That's why I can't wrap my head around it. It is like it is more important to him than me. Which has brought up some serious jealousy issues in me. It is like I am not enough. I am so heartbroken.

[_Maya_]

You are welcome and I totally get what you mean and why you feel the way you do. I think the porn is the root cause of the issues. He sees there and then wants to make it a reality. By the way, you ARE enough. He has an addiction to porn it sounds like. Don't beat yourself up.

[Lost42]

You are very kind thank you so much for your thoughtful response

[_Maya_]

You are welcome and wish you the best. I hope things get figured out. You deserve happiness like everyone does. 💜

[RoseySarah]

What is the hot wife thing?

He is so awful of course your feeling like your not enough! He is screaming your not!

Then he blames his issues and you not wanting extreme stuff on you! He is the gross guy!

It was over when him and you don't like the same things and he turned to porn showing you that you can't ever be enough for his kinky needs!

Really he is not a good guy a good guy would not force this and then blame you when you take issue 😤.

[Christoff92]

Trying the Hot wife thing isn't that bad. If you aren't the type then that's understandable. For him seeing what's in porn can be both unrealistical and realistical. We all have fantasies.

Maybe should talk to him about just letting you come around if you want to participate in the hw experience or not. But if he's backing down that's great. However don't want to see him depressed. So. Slowly try it out with him but not the full range and see how it goes 😊

[Lost42]

We did do it and it was very hot at first. Then it became an all the time thing. Couldnt wven sit out back with him without it being brought up. Received porn all day. Making love became all about that. It wasn’t the act it just became something else. At one point he wanted me to go out and pick up a group of young men and send him pics of the sex. This made me feel scared and alone. I broke down. He tried to get me to do it 3 more times after that. I am not sure I even need to be in the room with him anymore. Its awful

[Lost42]

Im not against that or porn but this was 24/7. I make dinner he watches porn. I go shower he watches porn. We talk its about hwing. All the time

[Christoff92]

He wanted you to prostitute around when you committed yourself to him. Just to have Sexual desires. So. Assuming you're not good enough to give him pleasure but prostitute around. Kinda pretty much sexism.

[Christoff92]

Porn can do tons of damage to most men. Wonder how guys in my city have girlfriend's and wives that look like they lost when with these guys.

[madhatters4]

it sounds like he is very much into exploring things he sees in the porn he consumes. i think you just need to clearly lay out what you are comfortable with in terms of your sex life. explain to him that you respect his sexuality and that he needs (MUST) respect yours rather than try to make it seem like you have a problem

[Lost42]

I have been asking for the things I need. He presses the boundaries and wants more and more. It became an all the time thing. Morning - porn, Afternoon - porn, Evening - porn. Our sex became all about having intercourse with other people, no more love making. My phone constantly blew up with pictures of milfs getting nailed by three men. It was hot at first and fun and we did do it. It just became something else.

[madhatters4]

he has a very unhealthy obsession with porn. i do think before you get married he needs to get at under control if he hasn't yet

[Lost42]

He has, and it has been a little better. He has tried to alter some things. But, the HW thing still comes up for both of us actually probably because it was enjoyable and made us closer at first but he has broken so many boundaries repeatedly with it that even small things are hurtful. Like we were talking about doing it and we were both into it and I said 'I don't want this to go bad so we should wait out the week and see how things go.' We talked about how it had been a problem and we don't want to do it if its going to create one. The next morning before 11am I received a text asking me if I wanted to do it this weekend. It's like... he never listens or just does not care what this is and has done to us. Probably because he thinks his porn watching was no problem and not too much but I made him quit and he always says my emotions cause all of this like I am hypersensitive, which incidentally I am right now because my good friend passed away and I did not get to see my son this summer.

[madhatters4]

you should really consider if you can marry into this world of his. it doesn't sound healthy. he sounds selfish. he's not considering what you are saying time and time again

[madhatters4]

thanks for MHO

[LazerBean]

I don't really understand what you mean by the hot wife thing, but if someone is constantly lusting after other people then they should not be considered for marriage.

[_Maya_]

Hotwife is like husband sharing her with other dudes. Not something I would ever do but that is what it is.

[humanearth]

I'm so sorry that you have to go though this. When one partner is pushing this kind of relationship. Listen to your gut and you know what your gut is telling.

I believe your relationship with him is now tainted and will never be the same again.

You remember reading my story about helping another female gag user and my wife.

I see your story as what mine could have gone that way if I would have helped out the female gag user.

[boobliker]

sorry to hear that.

[Anonymous]

Why would you be jealous?

[Lost42]

Hmmm.. how do I explain this.. Well, I didn't think it would cause this so great question. I think it started with the pushing boundaries while we were trying to do the HW thing. It was like he did not care that he was putting me a potentially harmful situation. (He wanted me to go out and pick up a group of men solo perform sex acts, video and then come home). He started to watch porn constantly in the morning, evening and night. Often when we would have sex he would either talk about other men or be starring at a tv screen for porn. When you start to realize that you are not enough and you needn't even be in the room for most of this then little things get big like starring at other woman, seeing them in their online feeds half naked, you start to worry a lot. You have no idea what they are capable of and you feel ugly and unwanted and you know they don't have your best interest at heart. Things get weird fast.

[Opinion Owner]

I know lots of husbands into hotwifing, and none of them have any interest in other women.

[Lost42]

Until they can't do it anymore. You know maybe its me maybe I see myself differently after all this. In the beginning it made me feel beautiful but when we couldnt have sex without it now I feel ugly, used and unwanted. Good luck to those other lots of couples though :/

[Lost42]

Thanks for the stellar advice also. Why do you know lots of other people who do this? I have been doing it and I dont at all.

[Lost42]

You sound like him, actually. I get it the world looks different when you are 25-29 but wheres the love in all this and self respect and respect for your partner and boundaries? You all need souls!

[Opinion Owner]

Now I understand. I didn't know what you meant. I have an online friend who had a hotwife. When she hit 50, she quit. She had it in her head that she wasn't beautiful. She looked like a model, but she didn't believe it. It's kind of like when an anorexic weighs 50 pounds, but thinks they're fat. Her husband just accepted it. He would never cheat on her.

[Lost42]

The truth is your needs change when you get older. I am 42 have had two kids and I could and did get plenty of hot young and older men before I met him and now. It is not about how I look. It is literally no fun anymore to just watch porn obsessively or try and screw a bunch of lonely people over and over. You start to need more. I dont feel like my time is up I just feel like my partner is shallow and has an unhealthy grasp of love.. And, when porn and me screwing other men became the only thing we had I internalized it and felt ugly. Now that I have told him to fuck off I feel beautiful again. There has to be more than this going on in the relationship or it gets REALLY old REALLY fast

[Opinion Owner]

I've talked to a lot of husbands of hotwives. They all say it will never change. They will always want it, because it's a drug. You need to dump him.

[Lost42]

I agree, thank you

[Lost42]

Have you been doing it? You don't get these feelings along with this?

[Opinion Owner]

I've always liked threesomes, so it's kind of normal for me. But in your case, you think he might replace you. So I can see your point.

[Lost42]

I have too, but when that becomes more important than your partner, you are right he actually might replace me with like nine strangers and thats his journey, no judgement here ✌️

[Lost42]

Im just at a place where I make great money in my career and I have raised my kids and I could travel and live while im still sexy af or stay home in perpetual virtual nothingness and wonder if my partner cares

[Opinion Owner]

Do what is best for you.

[Lost42]

Thank you 💛