My fiance's sex drive is basically non-existent and it's truly starting to piss me the fuck off?

I have talked to him so many times about this and it always ends the same. He says he just "doesn't think of sex much anymore".

When we got together 5 years ago, we would have sex like 3 times a day and continued to have sex like that for easily a year. However, we are now down to sex maybe once every couple of weeks and it's literally all him. I try to initiate sex easily once a day, if not more, and he is never up to it.

It's been starting a lot of fights because I'm starting to feel really undesirable. I have never felt uglier than I do now because of the constant rejection. I mean it's so obvious that he is attracted to me and loves me a lot. He tells me every 5 minutes (not kidding) how much he loves me and brags to everyone about how he has such a hot wife but never fucks me.

But like I said, it's starting to really piss me off. Like I'm constantly angry and it's 100% due to sex deprivation. As soon as he finally has sex with me, my attitude miraculously floats away as if it never existed. To a point where there have been a few times where he has fucked me and said "there you go, now lose the attitude". Makes me feel stupid. I almost want to give up entirely because I feel so pathetic for having to practically beg him for sex. I don't even know what to do anymore, honestly.

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Superb Opinion

  • Marriage isn't all about sex but it does help. Is there things that outweigh what's happening. Could it be that he has no energy for it or needs to go to the doctor for a checkup. Maybe there are things affecting his sex drive, because let's face it men love sex

    • I've begged him to go to the doctor because he mentioned like last year that he thinks his testosterone levels might be down (he gained a bit of weight during COVID). But he just outright refused to go. It's definitely not an energy thing. He gets home from work and wants to do a bunch of stuff, like hiking, swimming, boating, bringing the kids and the dog to the park, etc. It's just when it comes to sex. I love him tremendously but I am just so sexually unsatisfied that I can't even think about anything else. I have sex dreams damn near every single night, you know?

    • Could be the weight gain for sure. You will need to have a serious talk with him and maybe he isn't doing anything about it since you are begging him and are still there he prob feels no need to go to the doctor as it's affecting you more than him. You might just need to set some boundaries to where he needs to make an appt and go. Plus with him doing so much hiking and everything else his mind is occupied with that and not sex. Also counseling could help

Most Helpful Girl

  • If you aren't happy, get rid of him. That's the whole point of dating.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You better start second guessing your marriage plans. It's never going to get better. As long as you're willing to have a shitty sex life go ahead and marry this dude

  • How is his sleep? Is he a porn watcher? How high-maintenance are you 🙃 ?

    • He sleeps great. He is in bed by 8pm and up at 4am for work. He comes home and has a bunch of energy to do things like hiking or fishing or swimming or even bringing the kids and the dog to the park. Then he will help me with dinner and chores every night (I've even gone out of my way to have everything done so there is nothing for him to do but he still finds something). He does watch porn, yes. I'm not sure how much though. His entire reddit page is of nothing but porn related things. I'm pretty high maintenance in a sense of very clean, groomed, etc. I also work out a lot.

    • There is a neurological medical journal article about Body Counters and Porn as it relates to Brain rewiring and effects on body, behavior, and general life outlook. Title is long like a journal are Hooked:... The research was broken down into a layman book called "Hooked". It is applicable to sexually destructive activities and Porn being one of them. It is the porn... Amazon: Hooked.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Everyone gets tired of doing the same thing all the time.

  • If he's not into you the way you want him to be, he needs to deal with it. Couple's therapy may help. If he refuses to try to fix things, it's time for you to move on. Life is too short to be unhappy.

  • Pornography and low testosterone will do it. A lot of guys in their 20’s and 30’s are at similar levels to men in their 80’s.

  • Aww. :(. What he said was really mean. 😟
    And I'm sorry you're having to live like this. I hope you can get through to him somehow and get him to understand that this is an important issue.

  • poor poor person, sex is the number thing that will keep you together later on in life.

  • Time say your good byes 👋 and move on

  • Do you dress nicely and all that? Or how do you initiate sex?

    • I do, yes. I always make sure I look good because originally I thought it was because I "let myself go" after having kids (I never gained any weight but I did stop doing my hair and make up for a bit). So I started dressing up and grooming myself and always buy cute lingerie and he still isn't in to it. I've tried various ways of initiating sex. I've walked in front of him in sexy lingerie, I've played with myself in front of him while telling him I want him, I've told him to let me suck him off randomly, etc. Absolutely nothing works.

    • I am sorry to say but this is a very sad case scenario, it is hard for me to find the origin of the lack of sexual desire from your husband so in a way you must try, it may as well be his diet, eating lots of sugar and carbohidrates or just some other psihological problem that appeared during all the time you were togheter. Maybe it is the period you let yourself go. I can't really tell since if you really walk on a guy with sexy lingerie and he loves you and has a deeper connection with you that is like heaven and just wants to jump on you, if you play with yourself in front of him his mouth should water and give you cunninglingus until you faint away, I think these things are just normal in a relationship. Not to mention especially getting sucked off.

    • Someone else has mentioned that it might be because he watched porn and has gained weight since COVID hit. I mean, he does watch porn, though I'm not sure how often. And he has gained probably a good 20-30lbs since COVID hit. Though he has always been a bit "bigger" anyways. I think he was around 210 when I met him and now he is pushing 230lbs.

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  • Sounds like you guys overdid a good thing and now he’s just bored of it with you. Now you know what to expect if you actually get married

    • It was all him though. He had an absolutely insatiable sex drive in the beginning and could not get enough. He was constantly trying to rip my clothes off, no matter where we were. I fucking hate it.

    • I would suggest Counseling and find out what’s going on with him

    • he is right. you over did it.

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