Sexual Relationships
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My friend got raped but doesn't want to report the guy. What should I do?

So basically she is dating this guy. He was no good from the start, I never liked him he is a problematic man who often gets into trouble. Anyway, the story she told me is that she invited him over for pancakes and he came. But the moment he got in, he just grabbed her and put her on the table, taking his pants off. She TOLD HIM to stop, that she is not into quickies, but he ignored it and forcefully nailed her against the table, took her panties off and penetrated her until he came. She said she SCREAMED for him to stop and that she tried to KICK him, but he was stronger. He was holding her so tight that she couldn't move and now has bruises on her arms and hips and legs. It hurt her womb too because he has big penis, she even bled. He came after 5 minutes and, the way she told me, when he saw her crying he "realized" what he has done. He hugged her tightly and apologized and said that he just couldn't resist it, that he was too horny and her screaming and telling him to stop just turned him on more. His final word was "It happens sometimes". Then he said he will TRY not to do it again.
And she forgave him. Because she is so stupidly in love with him, she believed him. But she said that she will report him if it happens again.

So, my debate here is that I KNOW A RAPER. I want to freaking kill him. But he is her boyfriend and I can't say anything. Isn't this still a crime?
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'd do 2 things, and it may not change her mind, but maybe get her to think about this a little?

    1) Ask her what she loves about him exactly? What's love to her? Does she really think that a guy that would do this to a woman, LOVES her?

    2) It doesn't "happen sometimes" as in "it's normal". He has a problem. This WILL happen again guaranteed, especially if she does nothing and doesn't report it? Why wouldn't he do it again? He got away with it! She's just afraid, understandably, but she has to be strong and stand up for herself, nobody else will do it for her. She can do something by reporting it. And, the sooner the better before the physical evidence is gone. I don't know when this happened, but don't shower and get a rape test kit.

    Aside from that, there's not much YOU can do that I can think of. This has to be her choice/decision. Tell her to look up other rape victims and read/listen to their story. Was it EVER a 1 time thing and it never happened again (when they were a couple)? Not that I've ever heard.

  • YES is a crime look this is what you do this is what you're going to have to do it may cost you a friendship but in the long run you may be saving someone's life it may be hers or someone else for that matter because if he's doing this to her there's no way he's being faithful one be there for her because her road is going to get really hard really rough really fast look for signs of her wanting to hurt herself to immediately go to the authorities yes it's your word but at least they can look into it and he won't get away with it if he isn't stopped he will do it again to her to somebody else and it may even ask you late this Behavior has got to stop love does not hurt love Embraces love raises people up keep them safe this is what love is what he does and is doing is not love think about it for a moment please you may lose a friend but you may save a life be there for her when she needs you

Most Helpful Girls

  • I hate when people say "they can't help it" it basically means they know what they did was wrong but they justify it by saying they don't have control over what happened and it gives them a mental satisfaction that it wasn't their fault. and to me unless you're heavily intoxicated or have some sort of mental disability, you have control. but asides that, she should break up with the guy. you can only advice her, its her decision. she can choose to make good or poor and self sabotaging decisions and you can only support her or not.

  • Girl if she just told you she’s gonna know you went and talked to the cops, if you’re ready for that than fuckit. If i were you though I’d just take the time to try and really help bring her back to reality. This is not a normal situation and for whatever reason your friend is accepting it regardless to protect someone and that’s not cool.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 50

  • Stay out of it, other than being her friend. You can try to encourage her to report it, but she is the one who has to make the decision. She has to make the police report. She is the one who might have to take take the stand and probably have a defense lawyer question her like she's the criminal and a slut. It's not an easy thing for her to go through, and you can't make that decision for her. She's the one who has to deal with the consequences, not you.

  • Nothing to do if she can't help herself

  • The moment he came through the door he grabbed her and raped her. He did not have a buildup and snap. He came in ready to rape her. She was raped, disrespected, physically hurt. No question, it was rape! But she does not want to report it and his response that he will "try" not to rape her again is BS. Either she knows that and is still okay with it, or she is dumber than a box of rocks. Not much you can do. If she asks for your thoughts, tell her that she should be rid of him and should have reported him. She will likely ignore your advice, and then may even ask again, later. So just repeat it. otherwise, leave it be. She is not willing to do the right thing.

  • A lot of women's fantasies. I'm not partial to it myself but have had my share of requests towards that direction.

    Personally I view sweet sweet love making as way more sexy.

  • Sorry but she's stupid to think that she can forgive her way out of this. They guy's a predator and isn't gonna stop. She's gonna say she'll report him but that's not gonna happen. She'll become numb and used to it. It won't be long before you see her abused, tattered and reduced to an object to satisfy lust.
    Save her while you still can. Knock sense into her, report the moron who did it. Make him never to cross paths with her or you again. Record any further conversations with him and at the first hint of threatening or abuse from him, dump his ass and throw him over to the cops.
    She's too blinded by love at the moment. Trust me, I have a friend like that too. I'm trying to make her realise the toxicity of the guy. You can too. Save your friend before she loses her grip on herself.

  • it is deffo still a crime but if she refuses to offer up any evidence its never going to get to court... sadly i dont think there is much more you can personally do other than advise and support her. oh and keep out of his way too

  • I’d report him to the police and inform the school/college counselor. If he doesn’t get time he will continue to do it and take more victims. At least send an anonymous tip to the police so they have it on record. Maybe someone sent a tip in the past and they just need one more creditable evidence.

    • Report it, the more reports and files on this side will add up to substantial evidence. Those saying she shouldn’t report it are allowing another girl getting on here next month asking wtf they should do from guess what another fcking case.

  • That she is one of the people that undermines the position of women by not turning him in. She should have gone to the Er and file charges. Stupid as she didn't, you shoulde urge her to report him tell her that if she doesn't do it, you will do so. He will try not to do it again. That's almost an announcement for the next time. Get her out. She is lucky if it is only rape next time. Violence seldomly gets less, so she is on a very slippry slope here.

  • Unfortunately rape is the most unreported crime of all and it won’t change until the victims start reporting it. Nothing you can do

    • It is the most unreported crime. I've read articles about women who have gone to hospital after being raped and having to go through a rape examination and it's full on. Sometimes they are too afraid to report it because they know who the rapist is (family or friends of the family) there's all kinds of reasons why it doesn't get reported.

    • @Goodwifie it’s sad

  • The only thing you can do is to encourage her to get medical help and counseling.

  • It is her right to report it, not yours. All that happens of you report it is the cops talk to your friend. What if she says that it didn't happen. Then you end up loosing a friend and nothing comes from it.

  • It's a crime... I'd say killing him works but

    • That is a greater crime... it's greater if you put the threat into them and the next time it happens if it does the do the deed

  • Yup. It's a crime. And the stupid woman like your friend (by not reporting him) are the cause that rapers are roaming free. Now he'll go for another and then another until justice strikes him down.

  • I definitely agree with you but I don't think the police would do anything because she's going to say it was consentual. This is a fucked up situation she doesn't have a dad or a brother that you could talk to and maybe they'd handle it.

  • whats his name

  • Stay out of it. Obviously she liked it. Just mind your own business.

  • Of course it's still a crime, but it isn't your place to tell the cops. All you can do is encourage your friend to do the right thing.

  • In our society... Even if justice is done and he goes to prison which is not certain.

    This going public could ruin her life. And this story you just said will be twisted in ways you can't even imagine.

    So don't go over her head... He should pay for it one way or another. But it's her call.

  • Try to see if she will report it and press charges, but do it in a kind way: she has just been through sexual assault and battery. That is the only way that the rapist can be stopped.
    You can only report to the police what you personally saw or heard, not some else's hearsay information, so if you didn't witness it personally, there's not much else you can do other than to be there for her wellbeing. She can call 1-800-A-FAMILY for a counselor referral.

  • Fake. Your friend is lying.

  • Show More (34)

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