My friend is groping me, how do I stop him?

[Anonymous]

I want solutions for this issue with my friend, he keeps groping me whenever we go swimming. I confronted him and told him to stop but he keeps doing it over and over. I told him that I will tell my parents and his parents but he didn't care and said I'm only having fun with you nothing big. I don't want him to go to jail and i don't want our friendship to get ruined because we are close friends.

I can easily tell anyone and ruin his life but I'm not that mean and I want a simple solution which make him stop groping me when I wear swimming clothes.

He only gropes me when I wear swimming clothing so there has to be some solutions without escalating this situation to the older people or the police.

Any suggestions? I don't want to end the friendship, I only want to fix it and find a good solution so understand me please.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Don't swim with him anymore, when he asks why you won't, tell him why, and he will learn that his actions have consequences without his life being ruined or losing the friendship.

If he cannot respect your wishes to not touch, then he doesn't get to see you in a swimsuit anymore either.

While I do agree with the people saying that he's not being a good friend, and you should voice how that upsets you to him, I also agree with you that ruining his life over it is too excessive.

If this doesn't work, you may need to just stop being friends with him.

[Asker]

I collected all the answers and I will focus on doing it in order to save this friendship and I'm sure he will stop and understand me. So from now on, I will stop wearing swimming clothes and also swimming, I will discuss everything with him and will even get mad if it's needed until everything gets better without the need to expose him to anyone.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats very mature, you are a good friend, hopefully he learns to be one too.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Glad to hear everything worked out.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Paul_in_Indy]

There is not a “sweet“ way to fix this. I would suggest carrying a stout stick when you’re swimming and striking his arm hard (hit the pressure point in front of the elbow joint) with it when he reaches toward you. Accompany that with an aggressively shouted “no!” and a look that says you mean business.

But, honestly, he is not your good friend. That is predatory behavior. You should get away from him. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say it.

[ShellyB]

Well first let me say that my hunch is you are viewing him as a friend and he is viewing you in some other way based on what you wrote. So you may need to consider that and maybe not go swimming alone w him etc.

That said what I would do immediately is YELL every time he does it and let him see that it upsets you in realtime every time, it might get the message through to him if he sees he is upsetting you, it also may embarrass him if there are bystanders. JMO good luck!

[Aerissa_Jade]

Not a good friend if he won't respect you in that, and he probably knows you don't want to hurt him.

If he won't listen when you tell him not to, there isn't anything you can do. Except don't go into swimming cloths around him, simply refuse and state because you keep groping me, I can't go swimming with you, EVER.

Stand your ground, refuse to wear swimming cloths around him. Maybe he'll apologize and promise to never do it again and then you can decide if you trust him.

[Asker]

He's a good friend and he always respect me, he done so many good things and he is always sweet to me. One had situation over the many years doesn't make him a bad friend. I will do that though as it's the best idea so far beside the cop. I will stop for now to show up with swimming clothes and I'll just sit outside, hopefully it goes as planned.

[Aerissa_Jade]

See and if he understands it is because of the groping, he may apologize and stop doing it too.

[Asker]

Will see how it goes

[Amy10223]

If he's your "friend" and gropes you during swimming, he's finding you are an easy target and is disrespecting you. Friends don't do this.

[Asker]

I know and I will figure it out soon

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you have a way to record this on your phone so that you then have video proof? You send him the video with a note that says, "I will keep this video private if you never do this again. Get the idea?"

[Asker]

That's kinda messed up to black mail my close friend, there is always a solution without the need to do mean things. I could find a way to record it ofc

[OlderAndWiser]

You have already asked him nicely and he has ignored you. If you don't step it up a bit, he will simply continue to ignore you, because he already knows that your "no" means "okay."

[OlderAndWiser]

Or, if you don't want to take effectve action, maybe you should ask yourself if you are actually enjoying whatever he is doing that you call "groping."

[Asker]

If I enjoy it I would ask there? Ofc not and I will figure out a way to solve it with him so he stops it. Groping = touching me in places that he shouldn't touch

[OlderAndWiser]

I dont know what state you are in and am not asking you to tell me. In Florida, an unconsented touching of the breasts, vagina, or buttocks is a sexual battery and punishable by up to five years in prison upon conviction. Maybe he needs to be told how seriously this is treated by the legal system.

[Asker]

I already mentioned that if I tell any parents or the police then he will get in jail.

[OlderAndWiser]

You need to do something to make him think that this getting reported is a possibility. You need to put a scare into him, and then tell him that it hasn't been reported. . . yet. Tell the guy that you discussed this with your dad, and your dad wants to have a talk with the guy next Friday afternoon. That will scare him big time! Let him think that for a day or two, and then reveal that you haven't actually discussed it with your father, but you are only considering it at this point.

[Asker]

That's a new good idea which I will add to my list, thank you !

[OlderAndWiser]

RESPONSE TO UPDATE: You resisted advice and then followed it with a positve outcome. Sometimes, the advice you want to hear is not what you actually need to hear.

[Asker]

I saved all solutions out there but i didn't need to do this one where I scare him, the other ones worked very well as well. Because obviously I don't want him to feel me up again in order to record the video, unless the other solutions weren't good then I do this at the end. Thank you though

[summiter]

If he is a good friend he would respect you and your wishes and that does not seem to be what is happening. How old is he? He needs to learn that no means no. It is your bod and your right not to be groped. Maybe stop swimming with him if that is where things are happening.

[Asker]

He is indeed a good friend and I know he respects me a lot, perhaps he is not aware that no means no and I'm sure he will understand me soon. He is 23 y/o and yeah someone suggested the same so I'll stop wearing swimming clothes for now and just sit outside to see how it goes.

[summiter]

Good plan. Does he have a girlfriend or is he a horny single guy?

[Asker]

He doesn't have a girlfriend and I don't think he is horny at all or maybe he is secretly but he never did anything around me for so many years.

[summiter]

Well avoid swimming with him for now and if needed remind him that it is your body and you have the right to say who can touch it. In the past were you sexually involved with him? Do you ever want to take your relationship with him to the next level?

[Asker]

Will do and thank you ! I don't think I ever been sexually involved with him, as long as I remember nothing really happened except if there's something happened accidentally and I wasn't aware of it while he thought about it. I don't want this sweet friendship to be sexual at all

[summiter]

Hang in there and find yourself a great boyfriend (if you don't already have one)

[Asker]

I'm not thinking to get a boyfriend at all 😅 maybe when I reach college or during these years maybe even after graduating

[summiter]

Hang in there and take care of your needs/mental health and give yourself some great orgasms as needed.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Rorobb]

You call that a friend? I call it sexual harassment, the minute you said no that’s when it shouldn’t happen again, dump this guy as a “friend “ because he’s not, he has no respect for you

[Asker]

Yes he's a good friend, one situation doesn't remove all the good times he's with me. I want a solution not only leave him because that's childish, communication is the key to every issue.

[Becca2001]

Stop going swimming with him?

[bowenw]

Probably the best thing to do is to stop going swimming with him until he agrees to not touch you again.

[Asker]

Yup as I already thought about it after people wrote their answers, I will stop wearing swimming clothes and sit outside while I communicate with him and make him understand everything

[bowenw]

I hope that works for you. If you enjoy swimming you will have to go by yourself or with other friends.

[Asker]

I do enjoy swimming a lot and yeah I do have other friends to go with but he's the most available and closest friend to me

[bowenw]

You may have to go without him until he promises not to touch you again.

[Asker]

I will follow what everyone said and will see how it goes

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

He's not your friend, he's sexually assaulting you and refusing to stop. Friends don't molest their friends.

[Asker]

I will fix everything..

[Shedzij567]

So don't go swimming with him again

[Asker]

Yes mam I already decided to try this, I will stop wearing swimming clothes and just sit outside, I will communicate with him until I solve it between us without the need to tell anyone.

[FilmGuy93]

Good lord, just tell his friends and family about his behavior. You're seriously worried about ending the friendship? He's not your friend, if he's physically violating your boundaries.

[Asker]

No I have other solutions

[FilmGuy93]

What solutions are those? You've tried talking to him about it, and he hasn't listened.

[Asker]

The ones people mentioned about not swimming with him, waiting him to know his mistake and apologise.

[FilmGuy93]

You've already told him that what he's doing is wrong. You waiting isn't going to send a message.

[Asker]

The next times I won't swim and I won't wear swimming clothes, I'll discuss it with him and fix everything between us. He never done this before and now he's only doing it when I wear swimming clothes.

[UncleBilll]

Let him do it, what's the issue?

[Asker]

It's very wrong and inappropriate from a friend, it makes me feel uncomfortable and it's embarrassing.

[BarryLiverstone]

Tell both sets of parents

[BarryLiverstone]

Whoa. You don’t understand that if you only “fix” things between you and him that he will do this to others.

[Asker]

He doesn't do it to others, he even said it to me that he would never do it to anyone beside me. If I fix it with him then it's all good.

[BarryLiverstone]

He’s a liar then. Obv if he’s capable of groping you he can grope others. If he sexually abused you and then told you that he doesn’t abuse others would you believe him?

[Asker]

He's been my friend for over 3 years, he never did anything and I know how good of a friend he is I trust him and I'm sure I can fix it with him in one way or another.

[BarryLiverstone]

He never groped you before?

[Asker]

Never did that

[Friendlybro79]

You can't fix this if he doesn't respect you and your wishes unfortunately. You might need to expect it to continue if you aren't open to logical ways to stop it which you seem unwilling. He needs a consequence to his actions or he will continue. When you say stop and he doesn't that means he doesn't care about you. No one continuously disrespects someone over and over if you really love them.

You wanting a sweet way to get him to stop is naive and unfortunately not making it clear how serious you are. Why do you want to be his friend when he's groping you? If you really don't like it grow up and stop asking people to solve this for you when you don't seem to want to actually do anything to stop it.

[Asker]

Very immature of you to assume things when I made it clear that I will take actions the next time by following what everyone said to save the friendship and not expose him or make it a scandal for him. You need to grow up if you're thinking to destroy your close friend of 4 years over 1 mistake while he was sweet the whole time and he never done anything before.

[Friendlybro79]

Good luck with your problem as it will never stop until you hold him accountable. It's not immaturity when I haven't read every post here but answered your question and took your updates into consideration. You're not clear when you say things like I could tell do something. That's weak language. Just hold him accountable with action and stop asking childish questions. You know what isn't working so take it up a notch or it will never change.

[Jamie05rhs]

You keep saying you don't want to end the friendship. But why do you even want to be friends with this person? He doesn't respect you.

[Asker]

Lol how silly of you, I don't have to explain it over and over, go read the comments.

[Jamie05rhs]

I read the comments. You're the one being silly, little girl.

[Zayed_]

Slap him and he will know it’s serious.

that’s only between you and him.

[Asker]

Sure I can do that, I will try it after trying all the other solutions so I'll keep this one for the very end.

[Zayed_]

👍good

[Brando10222]

Tell your parents. Why tf aren't you telling?

[Brando10222]

Enjoy it lol. He's not gonna stop

[Asker]

There's nothing to enjoy, there has to be a solution for it.

[peterrezeeek]

sorry but wht bothers u if he touch u in ur swimming clothes...
don't laugh with him anymore, let him understand that u r mad at him, let him ask u what is the matter then u tell him u r really mad at him cuz he do that...
or produce ur communication with him for few days, let him go swimming alone one time then he can understand that. he will apologise for u..

[Asker]

I highly like this suggestion and I'll definitely do it beside some other solutions out there. You are asking what bothers if he touches me in my swimming clothes? The fact that he shouldn't touch these places when he's my friend, it's just wrong. I will stop wearing swimming clothes for now and communicate with him until I solve it , I will also try to be mad even though I struggle considering of my sweet personality as I'm always calm.

[peterrezeeek]

believe me or not ur my perfect girls type, pure, have a self confidence and self respect, calm, understanding person,... i advice u to save ur self till u get married, never be cheap to anyone on this planet.. just curious from which country u comes from? am proud of you

[Asker]

Thank you for your words and advice, I'm from the UK.

[peterrezeeek]

oh i didn't expect that i can see that goodness from uk.. most of uk girls are just into sex and money so if i decided to get married from a woman i, d choose she like u ❤️

[nawtee_me]

The next time he gropes you just take off your top if that is where he is groping you and say, "here see, now stop feeling on me." and put your top back on...

[Asker]

How would that help me? I can't get naked in front of my friend, not to mention that he gropes between my thighs.

[FireFox001]

You give them one firm warning and then report it. There is no other way to go about it.

[Asker]

Will see how it goes

[SmokinAces2000]

So you tell him to stop groping you and he refuses to listen to you but you don’t want to tell anyone and want to keep being his friend. Why are you telling random people on the internet about it it’s clear you don’t care that much or you would tell your parents or the police or at the very least unfriend him.

[Asker]

It's obvious that I don't want to make a scandal and expose him for anyone so I wouldn't ask anyone I know, I asked on the Internet to see any solutions to help me and I've got many helpful answers which I will listen to and try the next time I go to him.

[Yellovv]

Something wrong in there if he is your real friend he shouldn't do that, if don't, you should cut with him, sound like you hate him but you are still friend with him I don't get it...

[Asker]

I don't hate him at all, he never did anything to me for so many years and this is the first time ever, he is a valuable friend so I don't want to lose him. That's why I wanted solutions rather than cutting the friendship or telling parents which could make him go to jail. I'll try what the others told me to

[Yellovv]

Don't speak to him while and he can understand his mistake maybe...

[Asker]

I will try everything and hopefully it works well

[Yellovv]

That's definetly works but stay serious, don't speak to him while, after he can understand his mistake...

[Asker]

Ofc I will be serious, I will find a way to solve it.

[Yellovv]

Let me if that's works

[Asker]

Will do

[Asker]

It's all good now thank you

[Yellovv]

you're welcome.