My friend thinks we have to pressure for sex if a woman suddenly refuses, is that wrong?

My friend and I were discusssing about sports, dating, relationships, etc. This is where I disagree, what do you think?

He thinks it's not fair when a woman makes you prepare for the romantic date, the guy even purchase the hotel stay and suddenly she makes an excuse, changes her mind and revokes sex at the very last moment. He thinks the guy should pressure her by then, rebuttal it, try convincing her, try making her change her mind or make a couple moves. Then if she still refuses fine but at least try to pressure her sudden no into a yes. Or as a joke, softly throw her back into the bed and throw convincing lines, then see if she changes her mind. Off course don't continue if she really refuses or starts yelling but at least try to convince her like a salesman.

I actually don't see what's the fun to it. This means she's not into it at that moment. Even if she said ok, that will just be so we can stop insisting, not out of her own will, what she herself wants. What's the fun of doing something if the person isn't enjoying it and it's just about you?

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Superb Opinion

  • yup! That's very not ok. There's no reason to apply pressure if she's already given her answer. Pressuring someone is just as likely to result in regret and hurt as anything else, it doesn't matter how last minute she changed her mind. And let's be real, why is she changing her mind last minute? Maybe she's not feeling well physically, maybe she's had a bad day and isn't in the mood so she knows she won't enjoy it, etc.

    If he's annoyed about the cost of setting up a date/sexual encounter, he can talk about it with his partner and consider sharing costs.

    If that's an aspect of sexual encounters that he enjoyed "pretending to say no" I mean then that's something he needs to discuss and clarify with his partners, otherwise he's likely to end up hurting someone at some point.

    Don't follow your friend's example. Respect your partner's wishes and create a space where if she changes her mind, it won't be because you made her, but because she actually wanted you enough to say it.

    • I've wondered for the longest what's the fun of having to use rebuttals and pressuring? It doesn't change the fact that it was his idea and his wants instead of it being both enjoying the moment. I like seeing the woman happy, ethusiastic, wild in bed, not with the ''omg, I'll do it for him'' insecure or tired look on her face.

    • Then you sir, have a very healthy attitude. I hope your friend catches on.

Most Helpful Girl

  • If she's not into, she's not into it and pressuring her is just wrong. Even if she says yes, she's may end up regretting it later and if he had any empathy he wouldn't want to do that to someone. All he should do is agree with her and say "maybe next time then" and end the date if it's over at that point.

    • I'll never understand what's the fun of having to insist in order to make it happen. Even if he manages to convince her and change her no into a yes; I can already imagine her laying like a starfish or with an insecure look on her face and just not passionate about it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • i don't think pressuring someone to have sex is the right thing to do... EVER.

    • thanks for MHO

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If a guy pressures for sex, he gets dumped in 2 seconds and will be charges for trespassing if he tries to talk to me again.

  • Pressuring someone into sex isn't right. If they say no, respect their decision and boundaries.

  • Your friend gives off strong rape vibes. Incident waiting to happen. You can't treat women this way.

  • Guy is an ass and has been online to long!

    Only Muslims rape women that way and think it is okay to rape someone cause you tried!

    She decided differently